Discussion How would you rate your life out of 10 before the thing or things that make you want to CTB happened?

[HadItAll]

?

 

[suprswag]

I became suicidal at 8, and with the things that have happened in my life, I can't really remember anything from when I was younger than 9, I only have vague memories from when I was around 2-6 years old, and memories from 8-11 are even foggier. But life seemed to be nice when I was 2-6.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, existing made me wish to ctb. I have no memories of ever wishing to be here, I believe that even when I was too young to have much awareness of suicide and ways to exit this world, I found so much comfort in the thought of death as soon as I understood what death was.

I'm just not meant for existing and I just prefer the sound of non existence to existing in this uncertain and unpredictable world where we are destined to suffer and decay from age. Life isn't anything of any quality or value, it's something burdensome and unnecessary which just leads to harm. Life is the source of all harm and in comparison death is the complete absence of it.

 

[SilentSadness]

I have never really liked life in general; maybe a long time ago I thought my struggles had meaning but I am long over the fact I am destined for ctb.

 

[Octavia]

I always kind of looked forward to death since I was little due to gender dysphoria. The reasons for my depression have changed, but my depression level has been consistent.

 

[ExistHarm]

i have always found existence to be something of a torture. there have certainly been ups and downs but the truth is that if i had access to a painless and easy way to ctb i wouldve been gone at probably 10 years old. it is a constant spectre, not to mention the fact that i know i will die anyway so what is really the point of prolonging the struggle?

 

[sylver]

Bipolar took me early, I started showing signs at 9 years old. Before that I was living in a broken and poor household with an alcoholic father so there hasn't been much happiness in my life. I do remember some moments from my early years, when I would spend all day playing Ratchet & Clank on my PS2. That was heaven, I wish I could go back.

 

[Downbylife]

Solid 6, wasn't that bad before I become chronicaly sick

 

[Sparx]

8, my life was fun, easy and carefree for 45 years before something I can't accept happened. Now all i think about is suicide.

 

[outrider567]

Between a 9 and a 10, before she died

 

[SunnysSunset]

Stuff got really bad around six but I blocked most of it out. Nine it all went downhill and now here I am

 

[yive]

life was complete bs/garbage, voted 2/10 only because i wasn't a disabled person and in extreme torture. i cannot remember even one year of my life that i would call something good. no freedom, no luck at all, only a bunch of unnecessary problems. insulting experience. can't believe that i'm still here after all this crap

 

[Mimi_]

Globally my life was and still is a 5/10. Experienced two years where it was even less: a 2/10. But this life never had the chance to get a score higher than five so far.

 

[Kasumi]

The only "before" there was, was when I was a child, and I don't consider that child to be me, as soon as "I" started to exist it was already like this.
That said I didn't have any plans to ctb back then, I thought it would be nice to ctb, but I thought it was normal to think that way and never thought deeper about it.
I thought how I felt was normal cause I didn't understand it and never experienced anything else, so I'd say maybe a 5/10?
It wasn't great at all, but there were also some moments that were fun.

 

[RichardFirst]

I'm selecting 9. In truth, I had no problems, but I never give anything 10/10.

I didn't appreciate what I had, and I was reckless in my behaviour. Now, I have nothing that I want to keep and little hope for the future.

 

[silverswan]

8 out of ten before i learned that AI would make me useless to humanity, unemployable, unable even to contribute by making people happy with art.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

1/10 because I was doomed from the start.

 

[StolenLife]

7/10 before I started school and met my abusers.

 

[unnormal9]

0/10