Discussion How would you know if you had succeeded (if at all)?

[montana007]

Well this should maybe give some people a laugh. Which I don't mind. May lighten things up a bit.

How would you know, or do you think you would actually know, if your attempt was successful?

I guess by the sheer nature of the question nobody would be able to answer. But it's possibly worth a discussion.

Here's the (my) story amusing as it may be:

About three weeks ago I ingested an inordinate amount of Fentanyl which I'd been saving for a rainy day, and with alcohol to boot (matter of fact it's in solution in the alcohol at a ridiculous concentration i.e. far more than the bs 2mg required to die ( which reminds me there is an old post of mine around these parts that needs editing and updating but there is a time limit on editing posts as we all know. So thinking of reporting my own post and asking to have it opened for editing and updating. Fact of the matter is that back at the time. I thought I knew it all with regard to Fent. Turns out I didn't. But I sure do know more nowadays. If anything: there is no way that anybody that came across that post could have been successful. Of that I am now sure. And alarmingly I see that cinch then there are many posts on the topic. Well lemme tell ya'll some possibly disappointing news: just because opioid addicts are dropping like flies and Fent. Is copping the blame. What the scaremongers are omitting to make clear is that very rarely is somebody overdosing and dying on Fent. alone. Well not unless they're injecting huge amounts. A minute portion of so-called Fent. ODs are Fent. On its own. Usually polydrugs involved. And as for the LD50 of Fent. Being 2mg: utter crap. We're that the case I would not be sitting here asking this question and which I am now getting to)(apologies for meandering off topic i.e. bad habit of mine and I know it makes my posts very difficult to read)

So to continue: I ingested arguably (actually nothing arguable about it as I had very carefully titrated said solution and the amount of Fent. per a given ml would have been enough to kill a large horse). Oral ingestion not the ideal route of administration given shit like the low bioavailability of said route of administration) And here is where it gets interesting and amusing:

I must have blacked Outl and slumped backwards onto the couch behind me I.e. lying there looking up at/facing to roof/ceiling. And when I came around and eventually opened my eyes I thought to myself fuck you actually did it and got it right! Job done finally! And remember thinking to myself well that wasn't so bad now was it? Strangely enough there wa S a overwhelming calm that came over me at the time ( but then that could just have been the result of my ingesting this shit). All good ad well. That was until my fucking phone rang as somebody had been calling me incessantly and that probably what "woke" me up. So a bit disappointing to say the least I.e. been consumed with doing this for well over two years.

To add insult to injury: just so happen that the lights were on in the room( those recessed into the ceiling LED lights and one just happened to be directly above me so when I came around and opened my eyes all I could see was this hazy bright white light directly above me) (and there was me thinking that this was that shit they talk about when describing Near Death Experiences) ( well that was until I actually answered the phone but was so fucked I could hardly talk).

Anyway it all got me to thinking: does anybody else think that you would know that you'd actually pulled it off and be prepared to wager a guess at how you would know? I would imagine that a shotgun blast to the head would invalidate my post and my questions and But an overdose? Could be a different story no?

Yeah I know ridiculous huh?

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Not at all ridiculous! Infact if you ask me personally,it is one of the most mysterious and painful thing about death and nothingness. Being dead is like being stupid. Only others would know that! The big problem according to me is not nothingness and eternal void. Like how would we even know if we are in non existence. We won't have a body, neurons, neurotransmitters and chemicals etc etc to properly define that like we can now! Many people who have had near death experience defined it as pitch blackness or going into the light. But then again many are also there who passed out and couldn't remember anything in almost the same set of conditions! What I am trying to say is that consciousness can be a final total product of all the complex processes in our body and environment down to the atomic level, and so after death there won't be an I!
Even with Gun I fear it may not be that easy. Atleast for the person who is pulling the trigger. For the observer it may be painless. But still gun atleast gives you the sense of reliability and control I guess.

 

[Flightlinek]

I had someone try to make me CTB some years ago... It's a long story but, basically, I paid her to do it and promised her my bank accounts if she was successful. So, she tried and almost had it. She said I was out for more than 5 minutes and she thought I was gone, so it's as close to success as possible and still be here to talk about it.

Anyway, those five minutes were filled with just... nothingness. There was no awareness of time, no awareness of anything. It was like someone just powered me off and I simply ceased to exist. No bright lights, no Hell, no Heaven, no nothing. And no awareness of any kind... just, gone, not existing. I'm pretty sure that's what it will be like when it's done.

 

[Chiisai]

Well this should maybe give some people a laugh. Which I don't mind. May lighten things up a bit.

How would you know, or do you think you would actually know, if your attempt was successful?

I guess by the sheer nature of the question nobody would be able to answer. But it's possibly worth a discussion.

Here's the (my) story amusing as it may be:

About three weeks ago I ingested an inordinate amount of Fentanyl which I'd been saving for a rainy day, and with alcohol to boot (matter of fact it's in solution in the alcohol at a ridiculous concentration i.e. far more than the bs 2mg required to die ( which reminds me there is an old post of mine around these parts that needs editing and updating but there is a time limit on editing posts as we all know. So thinking of reporting my own post and asking to have it opened for editing and updating. Fact of the matter is that back at the time. I thought I knew it all with regard to Fent. Turns out I didn't. But I sure do know more nowadays. If anything: there is no way that anybody that came across that post could have been successful. Of that I am now sure. And alarmingly I see that cinch then there are many posts on the topic. Well lemme tell ya'll some possibly disappointing news: just because opioid addicts are dropping like flies and Fent. Is copping the blame. What the scaremongers are omitting to make clear is that very rarely is somebody overdosing and dying on Fent. alone. Well not unless they're injecting huge amounts. A minute portion of so-called Fent. ODs are Fent. On its own. Usually polydrugs involved. And as for the LD50 of Fent. Being 2mg: utter crap. We're that the case I would not be sitting here asking this question and which I am now getting to)(apologies for meandering off topic i.e. bad habit of mine and I know it makes my posts very difficult to read)

So to continue: I ingested arguably (actually nothing arguable about it as I had very carefully titrated said solution and the amount of Fent. per a given ml would have been enough to kill a large horse). Oral ingestion not the ideal route of administration given shit like the low bioavailability of said route of administration) And here is where it gets interesting and amusing:

I must have blacked Outl and slumped backwards onto the couch behind me I.e. lying there looking up at/facing to roof/ceiling. And when I came around and eventually opened my eyes I thought to myself fuck you actually did it and got it right! Job done finally! And remember thinking to myself well that wasn't so bad now was it? Strangely enough there wa S a overwhelming calm that came over me at the time ( but then that could just have been the result of my ingesting this shit). All good ad well. That was until my fucking phone rang as somebody had been calling me incessantly and that probably what "woke" me up. So a bit disappointing to say the least I.e. been consumed with doing this for well over two years.

To add insult to injury: just so happen that the lights were on in the room( those recessed into the ceiling LED lights and one just happened to be directly above me so when I came around and opened my eyes all I could see was this hazy bright white light directly above me) (and there was me thinking that this was that shit they talk about when describing Near Death Experiences) ( well that was until I actually answered the phone but was so fucked I could hardly talk).

Anyway it all got me to thinking: does anybody else think that you would know that you'd actually pulled it off and be prepared to wager a guess at how you would know? I would imagine that a shotgun blast to the head would invalidate my post and my questions and But an overdose? Could be a different story no?

Yeah I know ridiculous huh?

Reminds me of a reddit post where they CTBed yet somehow woke up to an alternate reality that is quite similar to where they CTBed. The only telltale of the poster that its an alternate reality is that they drank vodka/whiskey before the attempt but they woke up with beer bottles instead.

Edit: Here's the link to the OP's reference to a subreddit post. Thread 'I remember why I wanted to ctb in the first place/A question about dreams and realities' https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-a-question-about-dreams-and-realities.82439/

 

[montana007]

Good morning all.

Well thanks to the wonderful and insightful responses that I have received thus far and not to mention that the same individuals who don't know me from a bar of soap and guaranteed live half way across the planet from me (I'm in Johannesburg, South Africa for the record actually went to the time and trouble of responding to what I perceived to be a totally dumb question particularly after starting this thread and posting) I don't feel like such an ass for thinking about all of this and for asking. And I am truly grateful for said reponses.

I read the responses late last night and while reading I could not help myself but to find myself becoming annoyed and thinking about the fuckers that want this site shut down. Go fuck yourselves. Where else on the Internet (or in real life) could one discuss this type of thing so openly and honestly and frankly? Nowhere that I know of. But why should those same fuckers give a continental fuck about 'lil 'ol me and my issues? Yeah. Good point. They don't have to but seems as though that's a bit of a double standard. And assuming that there is a Hell: well there''s a special place reserved right there for anybody that tries to take this site down and gets it right. And you can go on your knees and pray and give thanks to whichever God you wish that I'm no in close proximity to any of you because I assure you I'd expedite the process (trip) for ya. It befuddles me that people would try and FUCK with suicidal people (by definition people who have absolutely nothing left to lose by the time they've reached this point). I've always lived by the adage "never fuck with a person or persons who have nothing left to lose and whodo not value their lives because annoy them enough and they have no reason to behave in s socially acceptable manner nor reign themselves in". There's some good advice in my opinion ever so humble as it may NOT be.

Even with Gun I fear it may not be that easy. Atleast for the person who is pulling the trigger. For the observer it may be painless. But still gun atleast gives you the sense of reliability and control I guess.

I mentioned the shotgun in my OP because, in my mind, I'm fairly certain that a well aimed shot that makes it to the brains stem and takes the whole lot out the back of the head would be pretty fucking final i.e. you wouldn't be half dead or high as a kite and wake up on the couch wondering what the fuck just happened and are you really dead. Dunno. Obviously I've not tried it (but working on it as we speak i..e just so happens that I my well have access to said weapon ad my living circumstance have changed i.e. just seems to me it's the way to go) (all of these other methods that involve the use or abuse of substances or chemicials, (unless poisons) are a bit dodge to me i.e. maybe you wake up and are so fucked that you don't know where you are or what's happened as I did or worse still you fuck your brain sideways (stroke is not out of the question) (ask me how I know). And I know I used to think well what's the worst that can happen or how could things be any worse (than constant depression and the fallout therefrom and the constant whirring of suicidal thoughts). Well guess what things can become REAL worse pile onto all of that losing your coordination and motor control and it gives a new meaning to hell on earth and being trapped here.

Good answers and replies and responses. Thank you all. I wish I could have answered my own question by saying that you'd know if you'd actually succeeded in having caught the bus because the mental hell and thoughts would be gone but given that would take and assume success you would not theoretically be aware that all of that shit had come to and end I guess consciousness and awareness would be gone no? At which point I guess it'd be time to find out if there's any truth to Near Death Experinces and the research done on them or the first person recounts of such exxperineces (maybe that's what it takes to "prove" to "yourself" that you actually did get it right i.e. floating above your body and surveying the scene I reckon would be proof positive enough that you'd succeeded no?). Dunno what after that. But hopefully I find out soon enough.
May be worth mentioning (in reference to my OP) that while I sill have massive dose of Fent. left over. NOt going tg even try going down that route again. RIsk of failure and the fallout from that not worth it. And some careful thought went into my attempt I assure you i.e. made sure I'd fasted and had taken and OTC antiemetic the name of which escapes me now but I think I need to go find the sthit and post about it i.e. if you REALLY wanna be sick then use that shit i.e. you get sick with it on its own and the active ingredient is a well known substance). Point if that after all of my efforts I spent the rest of the same night projectile vomiting and it wasn't pleasant at all) I ate dinner like an idiot after my attempt as described and it took all of two minutes to have come up and out. So now you've failed. And believe me the fucking last thing you need or want is having to clean up that type of shit. So don't anybody try this at home is my point.) Since all offhis happening: I keep trying to convince myself that SN cannot be anywhere near as bad. Never thought that one through like an idiot. I say that because I'm guessing that if it didn't work you'd not wake up and come around fucked and out of it and not know what's going on (like as in you'd not be drugged to fuck on an opioid nor drunk as a skunk from alcohol). In other words and in more basic terms and logically speaking you'd know from the outset with SN that if you were not succesfsul and then came around then you'd know that you're still alive and kicking and failed yes? Just some random thoughts on the topic (I could be wrong but sounds logical to me anyway).