How will you spend your final days and hours before ctb?

[Ready2goGermany]

I'm at the point on which I'm very sure that I'll be dead by this coming weekend. I'm thinking about things I'd like to do right before, like having a good final meal, watching the sun going down a final time, and then at the end dance with the rope. Any suggestions? And no, thinking it over is not an option

 

[kuddelmuddel23]

Good to hear you found your way.

Sounds to me like a good plan, your favorite dish and enjoying a beautiful sunset for the last time.

When my time comes, I will probably look for a hotel in a beautiful place, with a room with a good view. Then I will turn off everything that connects me with this society. Cell phones, computers, televisions and so on. And I'll enjoy the stars for a few hours, then write my suicide note on good paper and just fall asleep with N.

That would be my dream, see if I can make it happen.

 

[Ramirez]

Im pretty sure its my last week aswell. Im just doing bullshit, getting drunk and high, still went to the gym yesterday. Imma leave a good looking corpse lol. Im having severe mood swings lately

 

[Vidar33]

Im pretty sure its my last week aswell. Im just doing bullshit, getting drunk and high, still went to the gym yesterday. Imma leave a good looking corpse lol. Im having severe mood swings lately

Mood swings are horrible. It's like your mind is playing games with you. And not in a nice way!

 

[Ramirez]

Mood swings are horrible. It's like your mind is playing games with you. And not in a nice way!

Yeah man. Im having these angry episodes where i feel like making ppl pay for what feels like they betrayed me for selfish reasons. I hope i wont act on it in these last few days. Thete have been a couple of moments where i questioned my sanity aswell. I think jts just too much stress for my brain to handle knowing i will die soon. Im not fucking at peace with it but i have to leave this shithole.

 

[Ready2goGermany]

I've had really bad mood swings too, but after I've made my final decision, I'm suddenly very calm and somehow excited what will happen soon

 

[Ramirez]

I've had really bad mood swings too, but after I've made my final decision, I'm suddenly very calm and somehow excited what will happen soon

Same happend to me before my first attempt. Back then i didnt think about it too much and tried to enjoy the last moments of my life and then i just did it impulsively. But this time i already cut everybosy out, quit my job and left my kickboxing gym so i just had alot of time to think about life and death and all and about all the shit that went wrong which is the problem i think. I just really wish my first attempt would have worked it was the perfect time to go.

 

[LaBrava]

The thing I've been a bit disappointed to discover is that the anti-emetics I would need to use with N may not make me feel all that great, so the last couple of days I may not be able to do what I would like, which is a shame.

 

[Ramirez]

The thing I've been a bit disappointed to discover is that the anti-emetics I would need to use with N may not make me feel all that great, so the last couple of days I may not be able to do what I would like, which is a shame.

I think they cause some jitterness or something right? Maybe you can use some benzos to calm you down?

 

[123die]

Maybe go camping somewhere in the bush or on the rez. Go to a concert if I can. If I can't go to a concert then get a really good speaker and listen to my favorite music as loud as it can go. Read weird literature. Smudge. Say all the words that I know in my traditional language. Smudge. Play guitar and sing. Smudge.

 

[dandan]

The thing I've been a bit disappointed to discover is that the anti-emetics I would need to use with N may not make me feel all that great, so the last couple of days I may not be able to do what I would like, which is a shame.

I made a test run and took metoclopramide for 4 days, or 3, I dont remember 3 or 4, but I was fine, so dont believe everything you read.
( and if you do, read positive fantasy shit, like "everything will be alright")

 

[inconsequential]

Wandering.
Sunset.
Cannabis.

 

[LaBrava]

I made a test run and took metoclopramide for 4 days, or 3, I dont remember 3 or 4, but I was fine, so dont believe everything you read.
( and if you do, read positive fantasy shit, like "everything will be alright")

I'll do a trial myself - this gives me hope, thanks.

 

[Theon]

My years long meth addiction has left me unable to feel any pleasure so I imagine I won't be doing anything special.

 

[AsexualBarbieBoy]

Been thinking about this too. It's hard to plan a day to enjoy when you're feeling anhedonic but I suspect:

>cannabis
>watching a few cartoons (probably that episode of Spongebob where he goes to glove world and keeps missing the bus back)
>a yummy last meal
>playing pokemon for the last time
>a last walk outside

Followed by lying in bed and listening to music. It's funny that people always suggest that if you're going to kill yourself you might as well go all out and do crazy things. What they don't realise is that you're often too depressed to go skydiving or climb a mountain or whatever crazy things are suggested. Add anhedonia to that and having a quiet time at home seems more desirable.

 

[Theon]

I have anhedonia as well, a result of years of meth abuse. One last binge too many last year and it set in along with awful anxiety.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

To be honest I think I'll be waiting for a mood swing to take me down so much that I don't mind ending my life. There won't be time for a ceremony or any last things to enjoy. But I'm kind of impressed by people who can do it like that over the course of several days.

 

[Umbra]

I don't have plans. I don't find my final actions significant.

 

[Roger]

I'll hold my dear wife's photo and a lock of her hair.

 

[Codieb1]

I'm not into all that dramatic stuff personally. I'm doing it because I need to achieve the goal of not being alive anymore. What I do on the last days isn't going to have any impact on me or anyone else. Have to avoid revving myself up and SI kicking in

 

[Quiet_Sandwich]

Knowing myself, I'll be manically double and triple checking all of the guides and equipment; wouldn't want to make a slip when I'm so close to the finish line. Any other plan would be doomed anyway, because of my anxiety.

Besides, doing things like rewatching old shows and movies, preparing lavish meals or taking "one last look" at something would feel wrong to me. It would be akin to saying a heartfelt goodbye or implying I'll be missing any of this, while the truth is - I just want to show my middle finger to the world and get the hell out of here.

The only tears I'll be shedding will be those of joy for my liberation is finally at hand!

 

[Person]

I'll hold my dear wife's photo and a lock of her hair.

I keep my husbands wedding ring, and a lock of his hair/beard in my necklace. I will be holding them when I go, and I hope to be either watching our honeymoon video or a video from his YouTube channel when I close my eyes finally. Life hurts

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

I'll hold my dear wife's photo and a lock of her hair.

I keep my husbands wedding ring, and a lock of his hair/beard in my necklace. I will be holding them when I go, and I hope to be either watching our honeymoon video or a video from his YouTube channel when I close my eyes finally. Life hurts

Reading this makes me really sad... but I can't help feeling your spouses must have been so lucky to have found people who loved them so much. Even though I'm not sure they would have approved... (sorry if I'm going a bit too far here.)

 

[Person]

Reading this makes me really sad... but I can't help feeling your spouses must have been so lucky to have found people who loved them so much. Even though I'm not sure they would have approved... (sorry if I'm going a bit too far here.)

Not at all. My husband would have hated it. He was vehemently against suicide.
But, if he could see the pain I am in, as long as our children were safe, he would tell me to do whatever I needed to stop the pain.
I often wish I'd died instead of him. He had this incredible skill of just being able to shut off all his emotions and live as normal.
Yes, he would have been sad for a while, but he'd have gotten over it and moved on.
I can't do that sadly.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I've realized I'm probably just going to night-night my way out while having a panic attack. Sweet, sweet final relief. I've waited for so long.

Having said that, I need to spend some quality time with my sibling. He deserves it before I go.

 

[Gavr1212]

Not at all. My husband would have hated it. He was vehemently against suicide.
But, if he could see the pain I am in, as long as our children were safe, he would tell me to do whatever I needed to stop the pain.
I often wish I'd died instead of him. He had this incredible skill of just being able to shut off all his emotions and live as normal.
Yes, he would have been sad for a while, but he'd have gotten over it and moved on.
I can't do that sadly.

Your love for him is very sweet. I hope you are able to find peace. I am sorry for your loss.

On my last day I plan to have a nice meal and meditate. I am unsure if I want to write a letter. If I do it will be long. I am afraid of getting emotional while I write and backing out. Hopefully a partner will make this easier. I feel like it will be easier to overcome my apprehension if I am not alone.

I would like to find someone who is going my way, who feels the same way I do about dying, and just hold them close as we drift off forever.

 

[MAIO]

I'm at the point on which I'm very sure that I'll be dead by this coming weekend. I'm thinking about things I'd like to do right before, like having a good final meal, watching the sun going down a final time, and then at the end dance with the rope. Any suggestions? And no, thinking it over is not an option

Life is just giving in illusions until you die, as everyone dies. I am not going to make a big deal out of it, but that is just me. Keep in mind depending on your method you will probably hallucinate before death.

 

[Roger]

Even though I'm not sure they would have approved... (sorry if I'm going a bit too far here.)

No, dear Vernichtungsträume, say what you want. It's a powerful argument.

 

[not_a_robot]

My years long meth addiction has left me unable to feel any pleasure so I imagine I won't be doing anything special.

You will be doing something special.
Ctb to leave behind a life of pain is special.