Discussion How to tell if you are physically unattractive.

[Anxieyote]

I fell down the "am I ugly?" rabbithole again where I stare at my selfies and obsess about how my face looks; wondering if I get treated differently based on that.

I fall below conventional beauty standards unfortunately, so I did some surface-level online research on Quora and Reddit to see what people's thoughts are on attractiveness. I found this comment from a woman who had some valuable insights into social signals she had received throughout her life that led her to the assessment that she was "ugly", at least on a physical level.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some...d=195356345&share=50675665&target_type=answer

Everyone's experience will be different obviously, but I found these insights to be fascinating since I don't often hear from girls who have been through the social hurdles that being unattractive entails. You could argue that she was unlucky enough to grow up around "mean" people who treated her unfairly, but the fact that she is able to back up her assessment of her appearance with these experiences suggests to me that there is an objectivity when it comes to physical attraction.

Gestalt Theory was also discussed on the topic of "ugliness". I liked the examples used of looking at the disorganized bookshelf as opposed to the tidy one, or crooked teeth vs. straight teeth.

I don't often like to think about this subject since I don't really know how to properly address it—and I guess not many people do since I see other people obsessing about their physical appearance a lot, and not being satisfied with certain aspects of their facial features or body. But I did want to share my findings, and see what other people's thoughts are.

 

[BruhXDDDDD]

I actually got very self-conscious about this, too, and decided to ask people online. The answers I got were all over the place, to some saying I looked ugly to someone saying I look "hot af". I think a lot of it comes down to things that you can control such as angle, hairstyle, the way you express yourself, etc. Definitely a topic that interests me, but I'd try not to worry about it too much. Most people look fine and you probably look fine.

 

[Lebensunwertes]

There's a difference between being unattractive and being plain ugly. Some people's appearance is so unpleasant that they actually attract attention, however for the majority of those that do not have success dating it boils down to being unattractive in general. You aren't grotesque looking enough to be pointed at, however you're not attractive enough either for anybody to consider you a potential partner.

Asking people online on boards that are dedicated to rating looks such as r/rateme is a bad move since people there are usually self-conscious and overly obsessive about appearance anyway and their scores are ridiculous. I'd say it'd be best to ask single people that you feel more less comfortable with, but do not have a strong bond.

 

[whatevs]

Very easy. Try to track how much time women rest their eyes on you, or if their gazes widen upon seeing you. Shortest as possible gazes (quickly discarding) + no widening/change in gaze means you are ugly. This works for both genders, and can even be proven by yourself as you'll notice how rapidly you 'pass' with a bored look with unattractive people.

 

[obafgkm]

Ugliness is probably the accumulation of defects, asymmetrical and suboptimal growth over time. It says a lot about a person's family background, health, upbringing and therefore future ability and status. Face carries a lot of such signal. Crooked teeth suggest malnutrition during childhood. Weston price has said a lot about this. Modern western diets are in general unhealthy. Beautiful people knew they are beautiful from very early and use it, consciously or not, in their life. If people like to touch you, tickle you, stay with you, try not to upset you, or if you can get things done with a smile you are probably not ugly.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

When no one ever complimemts your looks except to virtue signal, asks you out, or you cannot help but to cringe at yourself in the mirror.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Easy, just be me. I'm ugly both inside and out.

 

[Anxieyote]

When no one ever complimemts your looks except to virtue signal, asks you out, or you cannot help but to cringe at yourself in the mirror.

I think one of the worst feelings is looking at yourself in the mirror and asking yourself, "Would I want to kiss that face if it belonged to somebody else?"—and the answer is a resounding no.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I think one of the worst feelings is looking at yourself in the mirror and asking yourself, "Would I want to kiss that face if it belonged to somebody else?"—and the answer is a resounding no.

Much less even interact with it :x

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I think beauty is quite subjective. There is no right or wrong answer.

 

[SantaTeresa]

Nothing too complex: attractiveness = sex life quality/money spent on it.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I can look in the mirror.
I scare children.

 

[Atlantian]

You're very perceptive and correct. Beauty is objective and anyone telling you that is a liar. Fact is, humans are essentially biological robots so our brains will operate on certain pretenses that guide us. In other words, everyone's brain can recognize if someone is beautiful or not; its nature. A person might prefer something, but that doesn't mean its objectively superior according to how we instinctually feel.

Looking at life from an animalistic perspective will help you cope with being unattractive. In the animal kingdom, a lesser male has to compensate to compete with genetically gifted competitors. People do it every day in front of our eyes. They buy makeup, loud cars, clothes, etc all to compensate for what they lack. The plating field is no different from the most savage of animals. You just gotta figure out how to compete. Study the alphas of the world and beat them with intelligence.

You can tell if you're attractive purely on how people treat you, really. To put it simply: attractiveness is a powerful tool to advance socially. You get treated better, girls send choosing signals, people trust you, etc.

 

[Someone123]

SZo many times I have seen people who were seen as unattractive making a couple changes to their appearance and suddenly they are attractive. Some wo0rking out, some bettrer clothes, some better diet, a haircut, and one of the biggest things of all- better facial expressions- this is a huge thing. MOre attrractive facial expressions reshape the eight different muscles in your face and can make a less attratctve person suddenly a lot more attractive.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

Join a dating site

 

[HappyForever?]

There is a problem with many of these methods: they are not sensitive enough. The social cues differ greatly only when you are positively attractive or positively ugly. Even if you are somewhat above average, your experience wouldn't be much more different than someone somewhat below average. If you are asking this question, chances are you are not on the extremes of the attractiveness spectrum, so you can probably classify yourself as average.

I suggest you stop focusing on trying to gauge your attractiveness and focus on solving the problem instead. After all, the common steps taken to improve attractiveness (haircut, face cleaning, makeup, clothing) work on the attractive and unattractive alike. If you think your unattractiveness is holding you back, take steps to improve your appearance. If the problem persists, and you've tried other methods to remedy your situation to no avail, it's time to take the bus to neverland.

Unrelated: The fact that this thread and the concept of attractiveness exists is yet another sign that humanity is beyond saving IMO.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

When everyone you've ever liked rejected you.

 

[BEATNGU]

This one can relate. Symmetry is a huge hang up for this one. Taking pictures is the worst. Seems like the eyebrows are always off. There are some that see beauty in personality however but to others it can only be skin deep. We are our own worst judges.

 

[Red]

I know this is an old thread and I'm sure this is an extremely hot take that many may not agree with but it really annoys me when people get so hung up on "physical attractiveness".

Being perceived as physically attractive can be just as disabling as being perceived as "ugly"; I've known many people that could never be considered as "conventionally attractive" yet have more success with the opposite sex than most because of their other qualities… being intelligent, kind and funny supersedes the physical nine times out of ten, especially with those worth having around.

Although there can be advantages to being perceived as physically attractive, this is usually limited to superficial benefits and often to just the people who would be interested in sleeping with you; a beautiful woman might be desired by men but is usually treated horrendously by other women who would like a share of that male attention. Same with men too. If you look good, the assumption is that you must be lacking in other areas and as such aren't taken seriously, people are more likely to believe rumours/lies about you that portray you in a bad light, and some even want to punish you, assuming that you must've had an easy ride through life because of the way you look. You're assumed to be shallow and manipulative no matter how you endeavour to avoid these ways of thinking and/or operating.

Many attractive people who are not superficial in nature long to be listened to, are sick of being objectified and desperately want to make deep and meaningful connections with real friends instead of being perceived as either conquest or competition.

The grass, it seems, is always apparently greener on the other side. But dig down deep enough n you find there's just as much muck underneath.

It's always better to be a good person than getting hung up on superficials like this. Anyone who judges solely on appearance, whether it's the people who are rejecting those that adore them or the ones who automatically assume that their problem lies solely in aesthetics rather than in attitude and personality, is a concentrating on the wrong stuff.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

What if you're not funny, kind, or smart?

 

[Red]

What if you're not funny, kind, or smart?

There's always room for improvement no matter how evolved you are. Anyone actively trying to better themselves in any way, whether it's trying to learn something new, hone a skill or simply systematically addressing any issues that stand in their way, shows admirable quality that will be attractive to someone.
There is hope for everyone and absolutely nobody is excluded from this.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

There's always room for improvement no matter how evolved you are. Anyone actively trying to better themselves in any way, whether it's trying to learn something new, hone a skill or simply systematically addressing any issues that stand in their way, shows admirable quality that will be attractive to someone.
There is hope for everyone and absolutely nobody is excluded from this.

Nice sentiment, I would like to agree but it's hard to only from my personal experience, I just hope there is hope for me still. Do you think there is hope for you?

 

[Red]

I really believe there is hope for even the most deplorable individual, if only they take the time to introspect and are willing to put the effort in!
I'm lucky enough to be recently married at this point in my life (fast approaching my 40s) - it has taken a lot of tweaking of my thought processes and personality to finally be involved in a healthy, respectful relationship.
The road has been long and the journey is by no means complete; I can say with confidence though that most days I am, in some tiny way or other, better than the day before. It's a series of constant adjustments; don't be afraid to put the work in because one day it WILL pay off. Those tiny steps amount to great distance given enough time.
Don't give up!
Yes, some people appear to breeze through life without a care and while that's maddening and frustrating, the sculpture that has taken years to form is generally of much better construction that those that are carelessly whittled in a day.
Works of art take time, make yourself into a masterpiece

 

[Celerity]

Very easy. Try to track how much time women rest their eyes on you, or if their gazes widen upon seeing you. Shortest as possible gazes (quickly discarding) + no widening/change in gaze means you are ugly. This works for both genders, and can even be proven by yourself as you'll notice how rapidly you 'pass' with a bored look with unattractive people.

Idk. As a chick, only dudes who are 8+ are going to have me widening my eyes or doing anything unusual. 6-7 is respectable and dateable but not noteworthy.

 

[whatevs]

Idk. As a chick, only dudes who are 8+ are going to have me widening my eyes or doing anything unusual. 6-7 is respectable and dateable but not noteworthy.

You'll look the 7s a split second longer, guaranteed.

 

[Celerity]

There is a problem with many of these methods: they are not sensitive enough. The social cues differ greatly only when you are positively attractive or positively ugly. Even if you are somewhat above average, your experience wouldn't be much more different than someone somewhat below average. If you are asking this question, chances are you are not on the extremes of the attractiveness spectrum, so you can probably classify yourself as average.

I suggest you stop focusing on trying to gauge your attractiveness and focus on solving the problem instead. After all, the common steps taken to improve attractiveness (haircut, face cleaning, makeup, clothing) work on the attractive and unattractive alike. If you think your unattractiveness is holding you back, take steps to improve your appearance. If the problem persists, and you've tried other methods to remedy your situation to no avail, it's time to take the bus to neverland.

Unrelated: The fact that this thread and the concept of attractiveness exists is yet another sign that humanity is beyond saving IMO.

I agree. I am average and still could relate to some of what was shared on Quora by the "ugly" woman. I have gotten catcalled and groped before, but that was years ago as a teen. Shitty dudes just don't pull the same shit with a woman in her late 20s.

You'll look the 7s a split second longer, guaranteed.

Um, okay. Hard to falsify, but alright. Women just aren't as easy to read as men in my experience.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Works of art take time, make yourself into a masterpiece

Thank you, I guess… it must have taken a lot of work to get to where you are, I can't fathom it… wouldn't the final step to be to get away from this place? I can't imagine people log in with a smile and good spirits, but I'm learning something new every day…

 

[Superdeterminist]

If the opposite sex has never expressed any interest in you, then it's a safe bet you're unattractive.

 

[Julgran]

I know this is an old thread and I'm sure this is an extremely hot take that many may not agree with but it really annoys me when people get so hung up on "physical attractiveness".

Being perceived as physically attractive can be just as disabling as being perceived as "ugly"; I've known many people that could never be considered as "conventionally attractive" yet have more success with the opposite sex than most because of their other qualities… being intelligent, kind and funny supersedes the physical nine times out of ten, especially with those worth having around.

Although there can be advantages to being perceived as physically attractive, this is usually limited to superficial benefits and often to just the people who would be interested in sleeping with you; a beautiful woman might be desired by men but is usually treated horrendously by other women who would like a share of that male attention. Same with men too. If you look good, the assumption is that you must be lacking in other areas and as such aren't taken seriously, people are more likely to believe rumours/lies about you that portray you in a bad light, and some even want to punish you, assuming that you must've had an easy ride through life because of the way you look. You're assumed to be shallow and manipulative no matter how you endeavour to avoid these ways of thinking and/or operating.

Many attractive people who are not superficial in nature long to be listened to, are sick of being objectified and desperately want to make deep and meaningful connections with real friends instead of being perceived as either conquest or competition.

The grass, it seems, is always apparently greener on the other side. But dig down deep enough n you find there's just as much muck underneath.

It's always better to be a good person than getting hung up on superficials like this. Anyone who judges solely on appearance, whether it's the people who are rejecting those that adore them or the ones who automatically assume that their problem lies solely in aesthetics rather than in attitude and personality, is a concentrating on the wrong stuff.

This is an interesting take. What do you say about what's written below here..?

Idk. As a chick, only dudes who are 8+ are going to have me widening my eyes or doing anything unusual. 6-7 is respectable and dateable but not noteworthy.

I agree! I bet that no woman in the world will ever say that Henry Cavill needs to get a better personality, take a shower or develop interesting hobbies - which is perfectly fine, because that's just how it is

Then, there is the story about Jeremy Meeks, who got quite a lot of attention for being a criminal, but good looking to women - I'm guessing that a good personality doesn't count as much in some cases.

...but, in the end, it comes down to looks as a first stage in attractiveness - that goes for men's attraction to women, as, well - and then the rest of a person's qualities, like personality, may matter more when that first stage has been passed.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I agree! I bet that no woman in the world will ever say that Henry Cavill needs to get a better personality, take a shower or develop interesting hobbies - which is perfectly fine, because that's just how it is

Interestingly, Cavill has pretty conventional hobbies that a lot of men have, he likes gaming a lot and he really seems to enjoy fantasy stuff like The Witcher when he isn't, you know, a big name actor playing Superman.