Discussion How to stop the "why have x when you could've had y" mindset?

[Unhumanly.]

I'm posting this in recovery forum which mean this is a genuine question for advice, unlike any vent I've post,

so, how do I stop it? How do I make myself not comparing things and think it would've been better if it's that way when it's just different circumstances with different set of challenge? It's really hard for me to stay unshakened and not becoming miserable when this thought come creeping back to my mind, one day I'll be looking at something about people and my mind will whisper
"hey, look at that, they have B and achieve that good easy life, so why do you even have C when you could've been like them?"

 

[whywere]

Multiple answers:

1) It is human nature NOT only think that the grass is greener on the other side BUT the aspect of human greed and wanting to "keep up with the Jone's"

2) I told myself this in 1974, If I cannot be happy with food, shelter, clothes and a decent car, then I will NEVER be happy. Case in point, when my "parents" died they left my younger sister a hobby farm and cash, my older brother got 9 million (USD) and I got ZERO, not even a darn toothpick. HOWEVER, this was in 2018, BOTH are still greedy, complaining that everyone else has more "stuff" than that do and the list goes on.

You have to be happy with yourself first and foremost, "stuff" will never ever make you happy, never.

3) The day after I turned 18, I was raised on a working dairy farm, my "parents" drove me to town and dropped me off on a street curb with a bag of my clothes, and no money, no food, no shelter, no nothing and drove away. Fast forward to today and like I said earlier, both my siblings are so greedy and miserable, and I have done well, and I have less than either of them, but I am happy. I travel 100% more than they do, have what I want and never ever try and/or think of "keeping up with ANYONE ever".

4) Judging oneself by what others have, are making, what was willed to them ANYTHING, is self-defeating and will only make a person's life just horrible.

Be YOU and never ever anyone else.

As far as I am concerned one of the keys to a happy life is being happy with yourself first and then add "stuff" that YOU want and like NOT what someone else has to keep up or try and get a head of them, be you first and always foremost.

From your question, one can REALLY surmise that you have a good head on your shoulders and have a very kind and caring soul.

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you have to analyse whether it's helpful or not. It's likely we all do it to an extent. But- will it motivate us to be better as in- They did it, why not me? That's worked for me sometimes. I've taken risks in life which eventually did reward me because I witnessed other people take risks. I basically 'borrowed' some of their mindset to get me out of a situation I was deeply unhappy in.

I think you need to bring realism into it. WHY have they got 'X'? Is it because they had wealthy parents who bought them it? Then, you likely won't achieve it in the same way- if you don't have wealthy parents. Maybe they have other assets that are out of reach. Tremendously impressive good looks, enormous talent. Is it just that they worked incredibly hard though or, got the breaks in life? Did they truly just have good luck or, did they actively look for opportunities?

Sometimes, it's probably good to try to be humble- did they in fact deserve what they got because they worked tremendously hard? They applied to hundreds of jobs? They keep to a strict diet and health regime? What did they do to get what they got? How is that different to what you're doing?

There's that serenity prayer:

'...grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed, courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other...'

So- it's about being realistic I suppose. Are we just annoyed because things genuinely aren't fair? And, they're not- of course. Either way though, are there things we could be doing to better our prospects? If we envy someone- ok but, can we learn by how they achieved in life? Can we copy some of what they did and, hope it helps us?