how to stop forgetting?

[cryone]

time is flying now, and I don't remember memories with any of my loved ones. my grandma is currently hospitalized and very ill. it's kind of a wake up call. she was apart of my entire life up until recently, but i don't remember her well at all. i am hardly sad and i feel ashamed of it too. i can't make any more memories with her...but even worse, i can't even cherish what we had. i easily forget how it feels like to be with loved ones when we're apart. even when family passed before, I would move on like nothing happened. and i know that my ability to forget can be interpreted as a blessing, but i no longer see it that way. it's easier to keep going when you don't hold on to the past, but on the other hand, I just don't feel like im living. all im doing is surviving in the moment without any sort of humanity. i wish i remembered my memories and people's presence. it feels dreadful knowing that the people i love to death I soon forget abt. maybe this is just the typical memory loss everyone experiences, but i feel like it's become such a huge problem for me. probably bc the environment i was raised in, which made me more inclined to forget as a way of coping. any tips to help?

 

[whywere]

If it was me, just my 2 cents so PLEASE do NOT be mean to me over this.

I would visit my grandma if possible and concentrate on all the good times, as far as one may or may not remember certain situations, however, we are all together and just being there holding her hand, even if she cannot speak, makes the human connection so deep and profound in itself.

I just read in article where physicists have said that death as we think we know it is all wrong. A VERY interesting scientific article to read,

If one would have the ability to not only be with one's grandma but the family, then embrace, not only the generations, but let one's mind wander and take in all the feelings and emotions that WILL last a lifetime and beyond.

You are a VERY loving and kind person; your message here REALLY shouts that out loud and I hope and pray that you are able to have quality time and revel in the moment.

Walter

 

[Holu]

"The thing about happiness is that you only know you had it when it's gone." - Fallout 4 quote(surprising right).

The two closest people to me passed 6 and 8 months ago. At times I forget their voices, and even now I think I can hear them, but I'm not sure if it's right. That fucking terrifies me. I have recordings which helps, but even then I'm not 100% sure. Sometimes it sounds right, other times it seems off. Even more, it sucks to not be able to make new memories with said people. Reminiscing on a happier time hurts, badly.

The way I look at it though is that regardless, in some way they are still with you(I'm an atheist with no spirituality saying this). We pick up traits from our experiences with our fallen ones, personality quirks, mannerisms, habits, etc. Whether it's because we mimic things we like, or just the exposure I don't really know, but there are visible ways others around change us, and if you were deeply impacted by the time spent, then it will be more clear compared to time spent with others. As such, their individuality in some measure exists through you, in the new experiences you make for yourself. Perhaps that's not how it is with everyone, but I find it's true for me. If it's true for you then I hope it provides some comfort. Its not the same, but it's a nice memento, of someone who was too good for this world.

 

[CatLvr]

I have the same problem you have. I have VERY few spontaneous memories of my life. A product of the abuse I suffered at the hands of very nearly all my relatives growing up. Even when prompted I will have trouble "pulling up" a memory. And it's even worse when I try to find a memory that is a good one, so I understand. But I also do not have a relative that is still in my life so I can't tell you how to try and make memories you can hang on to, or hang onto memories you are making now.

So I'm gonna go with what @whywere said and tell you he probably know what he's talking about here.

 

[orca2490]

It's hard realizing how much of our life is lost when we have poor retention/memory. I'm in the same boat as you and I'll tell you what I do which helps me personally.

I keep pocket sized journals which I write in constantly, for tasks and to-do lists because I can never remember to do things. At the end of each day I write a short to do list for the next day but more importantly I write a short recap of the day. I write restaurants I went to, things I did, people I met, and anything else notable. It might help a little with the memory, but mostly it lets me read back through later and have the memories again. Little sketches of stick figures walking on a beach bring back memories I otherwise would never have.

It's been about 3 years since I started and I occasionally fall off for a month or two but it's so nice going back to these old books and remembering things that would have otherwise been lost forever.

My significant other likes to print pictures at Walmart from photos they've taken and hang about all over, it's cheap and easily trashable and replaceable which is really nice too.

I hope some of this can be helpful.

 

[landslide2]

There is a strong link between depression and memory loss. It can be like u described, a defensive way to keep moving forward. I too suffer from memory loss and know it's largely due to depression (and also adhd for me).

 

[Makoto]

time is flying now, and I don't remember memories with any of my loved ones. my grandma is currently hospitalized and very ill. it's kind of a wake up call. she was apart of my entire life up until recently, but i don't remember her well at all. i am hardly sad and i feel ashamed of it too. i can't make any more memories with her...but even worse, i can't even cherish what we had. i easily forget how it feels like to be with loved ones when we're apart. even when family passed before, I would move on like nothing happened. and i know that my ability to forget can be interpreted as a blessing, but i no longer see it that way. it's easier to keep going when you don't hold on to the past, but on the other hand, I just don't feel like im living. all im doing is surviving in the moment without any sort of humanity. i wish i remembered my memories and people's presence. it feels dreadful knowing that the people i love to death I soon forget abt. maybe this is just the typical memory loss everyone experiences, but i feel like it's become such a huge problem for me. probably bc the environment i was raised in, which made me more inclined to forget as a way of coping. any tips to help?

What you describe sounds terrible... have you thought about maybe writing something like a diary or something?... I don't know, it might sound stupid. But maybe if you write down those special moments somewhere, you can read them later and that might help you remember.

sorry for not being of much help

 

[cryone]

If it was me, just my 2 cents so PLEASE do NOT be mean to me over this.

I would visit my grandma if possible and concentrate on all the good times, as far as one may or may not remember certain situations, however, we are all together and just being there holding her hand, even if she cannot speak, makes the human connection so deep and profound in itself.

I just read in article where physicists have said that death as we think we know it is all wrong. A VERY interesting scientific article to read,

If one would have the ability to not only be with one's grandma but the family, then embrace, not only the generations, but let one's mind wander and take in all the feelings and emotions that WILL last a lifetime and beyond.

You are a VERY loving and kind person; your message here REALLY shouts that out loud and I hope and pray that you are able to have quality time and revel in the moment.

Walter

no worries, thank you 100% for the advice. unfortunately, she lives in a different country. but ill try to make the most of what i can. i will be able to get on a facetime and see her that way. thank you so much for your kindness :)

As such, their individuality in some measure exists through you, in the new experiences you make for yourself. Perhaps that's not how it is with everyone, but I find it's true for me. If it's true for you then I hope it provides some comfort.

this is such a unique perspective. i really like it. it resonates a lot, especially b/c I don't exactly believe in a god either. maybe my mind will forget, but my body wont. her personal experiences have shaped what i do, and im sure i will continue to cook plenty of her recipes and raise myself to follow her footsteps.

It might help a little with the memory, but mostly it lets me read back through later and have the memories again. Little sketches of stick figures walking on a beach bring back memories I otherwise would never have.

i should do this again. last year, i actually did journal abt my life for a few weeks. dropped it though. i didn't prioritize memories back then. I'd tell myself it's better to sleep earlier instead of briefly writing. never heard of people sketching, but damn it's a great idea. i'm decent at drawing since it's one of my only hobbies. maybe i should start bringing a little sketchbook around.

My significant other likes to print pictures at Walmart from photos they've taken and hang about all over, it's cheap and easily trashable and replaceable which is really nice too.

I hope some of this can be helpful.

pictures would probably be great too. i hardly have any of my grandma, maybe 1 or 2 scattered. i actually don't have photos of my direct family at all. i think photos have kind of "fallen off" in my household. used to be a bigger thing; i remember we'd get strangers to take group photos for us...but never anymore. maybe i should buy a camera. i know its me overthinking, but it feels sort of disrespectful pulling out my phone.

What you describe sounds terrible... have you thought about maybe writing something like a diary or something?... I don't know, it might sound stupid. But maybe if you write down those special moments somewhere, you can read them later and that might help you remember.

yes, but i tell myself i have to write at the end of the day right before bed. otherwise, i wouldn't have properly captured my day. thing is, i'm already super tired by then, and I don't have the discipline to sit and write for 10 minutes or less. it's bad.