Help How to stop being always angry?

[Downdraft]

I'm always angry. Literally all the time. Sometimes I can cope with it, but not always. It's very consuming for me. I'm usually so angry, it stresses me a lot. I feel pressure in the chest, and while I don't have cardiac problems, it's not a good thing. The symptoms are that I hate everyone, really, the first things I think about new people are always bad. I want to incite fights, see suffering, and I start conflicts them for the dumbest annoyance someone does at me. I have no patience, I'm very irritable, and in permanent stress. I don't have sense of risk, either. This behavior endangered me many times, but I can't stop acting like this. I really can't help myself.

You guys suffer acts in your life with depression and suicidality, but I experience it with anger and wanting to hurt people. I feel outwards rather than directed to myself. I'm almost never depressed, but always mad. I have hobbies, both indoors and outdoors, and I'm never bored. Most of the time, I cope fairly well, and anger is a minor annoyance. They are usually good at calming me, but there are times when the stress is too big. Meditation doesn't work. Hot baths don't work either. I need constant activity, being stopped only makes me more nervous.

I think it has origin in the abuse I received when growing up, and being treated like a brigand, well, now I'm one and proud of it lol. Honestly, I only care about my own stress. I stopped caring about others when I finally snapped. Sorry if it sounds uncaring, but it's the harsh truth. I literally can't endure a single thing more, so I jump at the minimal thing done at me. It made me want to hurt others so bad. My family and most authorities neglected me so much I want to scream so hard when I remember it. I have fucking flashbacks to this day. I grew up starved of love, and never had a true friend, just people to be around we never really cared about each other. Maybe that's why I'm extremely cold today.

I'm extremely intolerant, in general. Another reason I came here was to listen different people, and it worked at first, but I'm relapsing. I've tried to surround myself with all kinds of people, but, sadly, it only made it even worse, and me even more hateful. I feel I've exhausted every way to get rid of all this stress and feeling like a 80 yo all the time.

I go therapy, BTW. I just want to complement it.

 

[Andrews]

Hey I'll try to share a few thoughts. Probably you've tried them or thought about them already, so please don't get angry lol.
-talking to someone that's caring (eg psychologist).
-going for a run outside if you can.
-do things that are simple to accomplish (shaving, tea, cleaning).
-see if anyone around needs help (simple things, pick up an item from a shelf, give directions).
-join a meditation group (physical, not online); maybe try some qigong movements.
-upon waking up, immediately start observing how your day unfolds; just look at it and eventually take notes; when you feel angry stop what your doing and observe yourself. Just observe the feeling and thoughts, don't judge yourself, don't accuse yourself, don't "talk" with yourself, don't try to repress it. Look at it as if it's a play in front of you. As if you're saying "what is he doing right now, well this is interesting, let's see".
If you take notes you'll realize it's mostly the same things over and over again that trigger you (eg past events).
Over time you might see that angriness diminish all by itself, without repression, just because you're observing it. See the "observer effect" in physics.
After you've gathered all the material on a piece of paper, you can eventually get therapy if you feel it might help.
Take care!

 

[struggles_inc]

You guys suffer acts in your life with depression and suicidality, but I experience it with anger and wanting to hurt people

So true. Haven't gone a day without wishing to punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry, I myself can't do anything about it. I channel my anger/energy into work. But that doesn't stop me from hating, I boil even when I don't have the energy to.

 

[Ash]

Your anger sounds completely understandable. I've struggled with my temper my whole life and it got worse as my MH declined.

Are you on any medication?

I've been on fluoxetine for several years. I stopped taking it for a year or so and my anger got out of control. I was so caught up in it that it wasn't until I went back on fluoxetine and was gradually able to manage my strongest emotions that I realised how much it helps me. Obviously, everyone is different but that's been my experience.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I absolutely hate and despise myself for my anger and the things I say and do when I'm caught up in it, and that's made worse by knowing I feel when I'm in the vicinity of anyone losing control of themselves, never mind having it directed at me.

ETA it's a generalisation but depression and extreme anger are the flip sides of the same coin, especially as they tend to come from the same source.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Have you tried any meds?

 

[Valso]

Have you tried visiting a "Rage room"?

 

[InversedShadow]

Meditation is what helped me a bit, other thing is fighting games, i feel like beating someone up and it gave me some comfort from doing it for real and not just being anxious of my own thoughts about how i would make such a mistake even if i did have some intrusive thoughts with that. If we learn to control it we might as well one day get rid of these anger thoughts ourselves and maybe thats a way to go. This energy just has to go somewhere else, best would be something productive

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

You're describing PTSD symptoms btw. What type of therapy are you in?

I used to feel constant low grade anger. I started meditating and my mood improved.

I signed up for a intensive silent meditation retreat. Meditation was 12hrs/day. No communication, entertainment, outward expression like writing, food was mildly flavored, etc. 2nd night I experienced the most intense rage I think possible. It was undirected while thoughts of things I was angry about kept popping into my head. I didn't sleep that night. I haven't felt that low grade anger ever since that night.

 

[dreamscape1111]

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I'm always angry. Literally all the time. Sometimes I can cope with it, but not always. It's very consuming for me. I'm usually so angry, it stresses me a lot. I feel pressure in the chest, and while I don't have cardiac problems, it's not a good thing. The symptoms are that I hate everyone, really, the first things I think about new people are always bad. I want to incite fights, see suffering, and I start conflicts them for the dumbest annoyance someone does at me. I have no patience, I'm very irritable, and in permanent stress. I don't have sense of risk, either. This behavior endangered me many times, but I can't stop acting like this. I really can't help myself.

You guys suffer acts in your life with depression and suicidality, but I experience it with anger and wanting to hurt people. I feel outwards rather than directed to myself. I'm almost never depressed, but always mad. I have hobbies, both indoors and outdoors, and I'm never bored. Most of the time, I cope fairly well, and anger is a minor annoyance. They are usually good at calming me, but there are times when the stress is too big. Meditation doesn't work. Hot baths don't work either. I need constant activity, being stopped only makes me more nervous.

I think it has origin in the abuse I received when growing up, and being treated like a brigand, well, now I'm one and proud of it lol. Honestly, I only care about my own stress. I stopped caring about others when I finally snapped. Sorry if it sounds uncaring, but it's the harsh truth. I literally can't endure a single thing more, so I jump at the minimal thing done at me. It made me want to hurt others so bad. My family and most authorities neglected me so much I want to scream so hard when I remember it. I have fucking flashbacks to this day. I grew up starved of love, and never had a true friend, just people to be around we never really cared about each other. Maybe that's why I'm extremely cold today.

I'm extremely intolerant, in general. Another reason I came here was to listen different people, and it worked at first, but I'm relapsing. I've tried to surround myself with all kinds of people, but, sadly, it only made it even worse, and me even more hateful. I feel I've exhausted every way to get rid of all this stress and feeling like a 80 yo all the time.

I go therapy, BTW. I just want to complement it.

Hey there, your situation reminds me of this video I saw and I'd highly recommend watching it. Ignore the title bc it goes into other stuff, the short talks about how the guy thought he felt angry and frustrated all the time and thought he was depressed, but that he was actually having trouble identifying his emotion as anxiety rather than frustration. He says that he wasn't able to identify that he was anxious because he associated anxiety as a sign of weakness. The analogy he gives is to imagine being an animal backed into a corner--when it's in a high anxiety state like that, it growls. Also, chest pain is a symptom associated more with anxiety than depression.

Do you think that you could potentially bring this up to your therapist and get an opinion about whether or not it could be anxiety from stress causing your behavior? I act the exact same way, when too much is on my plate I start becoming extremely aggressive and the "fight" response is my go-to when stressed.

 

[1984]

I'd recommend looking into PTSD medication. When I was a kid I took Guanfacine for similar reasons, and while it certainly had side effects, they sound much better than what you're going through. While relying on medication probably doesn't sound appealing, it could help you improve yourself and address the root causes of your anger.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I think anger has something to do with pride.

 

[Moonomyth]

I'm extremely intolerant, in general. Another reason I came here was to listen different people, and it worked at first, but I'm relapsing. I've tried to surround myself with all kinds of people, but, sadly, it only made it even worse, and me even more hateful. I feel I've exhausted every way to get rid of all this stress and feeling like a 80 yo all the time.

I go therapy, BTW. I just want to complement it.

Can you elaborate on this? Are different people exposing you to things you can't tolerate? What's your immediate emotional reaction and thought process after-the-fact when that happens?

 

[Downdraft]

Are you on any medication?

No, should I suggest it to my therapist?

Have you tried visiting a "Rage room"?

No, but it's the coolest idea anyone had.

You're describing PTSD symptoms btw. What type of therapy are you in?

Please, no. I have enough. :( The therapy was to manage stress.

Do you think that you could potentially bring this up to your therapist and get an opinion about whether or not it could be anxiety from stress causing your behavior? I act the exact same way, when too much is on my plate I start becoming extremely aggressive and the "fight" response is my go-to when stressed.

IDK, the anger feels very real. The stress is just a product of bad mood. If I'm not angry, I'm an expert manipulator to myself, lol.

Can you elaborate on this? Are different people exposing you to things you can't tolerate? What's your immediate emotional reaction and thought process after-the-fact when that happens?

I always think bad about others when I don't know them at all. I just hate, for no reason.

 

[Ash]

No, should I suggest it to my therapist?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained?