Help How to stop being a bad person?

[M19R]

I feel like its my fault that things are bad. How do i stop getting too close to people too quickly? How do i stop myself from letting people become an important part of my life too quickly? I try really hard but i just keep getting hurt.

It seems like what's allowed for other people isnt allowed for me and i dont know how to navigate it. When i watch others get close and involving their lives very deeply with each other in a short time it seems like they're doing the same thing, but when i do it im strong and its all too much.

How do i tell what im allowed to do or what relationships im allowed to have? Are there rules im supposed to just know that nobody ever taught me? Or is it this hard forever? If it is that hard forever when do i decide to just give up entirely?

Are some people just not supposed to have friends? Not supposed to have family? Or is there some secret way im missing?

 

[Shiitake]

Nothing wrong with letting people inside your sphere, you just gotta learn to be cutthroat and filter out any bad people.
I dont know what you mean by "when i do it im strong and its all too much"

 

[M19R]

Nothing wrong with letting people inside your sphere, you just gotta learn to be cutthroat and filter out any bad people.
I dont know what you mean by "when i do it im strong and its all too much"

Sorry, was supposed to say "Wrong" instead. It seems like im wanting to be close to people too fast or something? But i see people around me close just as fast or faster and that seems to be okay? It really does seem like i shouldn't try to be friends or anything. I dont know if its wrong because of who i am or something?

 

[Shiitake]

Sorry, was supposed to say "Wrong" instead. It seems like im wanting to be close to people too fast or something? But i see people around me close just as fast or faster and that seems to be okay? It really does seem like i shouldn't try to be friends or anything. I dont know if its wrong because of who i am or something?

Its extremely strange, recently i met this girl who promised we would be best friends and meet up again, never happened.
I think its mostly up to luck, and you kinda have to over compensate which is exhausting.
I dont know the answer cuz i suffer from it aswell.
i think it mostly boils down to luck.
Id find someone genuine, and ask why it simply didnt work, or try to dig the answer.

 

[M19R]

Its extremely strange, recently i met this girl who promised we would be best friends and meet up again, never happened.
I think its mostly up to luck, and you kinda have to over compensate which is exhausting.
I dont know the answer cuz i suffer from it aswell.
i think it mostly boils down to luck.
Id find someone genuine, and ask why it simply didnt work, or try to dig the answer.

It seems like every time the answer is being too much. Being in their life too much, too big of a part of it, too complicated, this latest time it seems like its that things are too complicated with other friends even especially because she says she still wants to be friends? I genuinely don't know, but if everyone says im the one who's bad it has to be me, there's gotta be a way i can fix it and be better.

 

[Shiitake]

It seems like every time the answer is being too much. Being in their life too much, too big of a part of it, too complicated, this latest time it seems like its that things are too complicated with other friends even especially because she says she still wants to be friends? I genuinely don't know, but if everyone says im the one who's bad it has to be me, there's gotta be a way i can fix it and be better.

Do you want to love them? do you want to go further than friendship? or do they simply get that impression, people grow tired quickly, dont be too in their face about it, but ur also not some dog that needs to act different,
be moderate, but also demand the same energy, no reason to send messages and they send 1 worded answers, ignore them, and see if they come back, if not keep ignored perma.

 

[M19R]

Do you want to love them? do you want to go further than friendship? or do they simply get that impression, people grow tired quickly, dont be too in their face about it, but ur also not some dog that needs to act different,
be moderate, but also demand the same energy, no reason to send messages and they send 1 worded answers, ignore them, and see if they come back, if not keep ignored perma.

Not love in the romantic way (not sure how often i really experience romantic love even) but i do love them platonically. Very explicitly clear conversations had about that even because thats more common among queer people. I just want people who will remain in my life pretty permanently. I want people i can rely on when things are hard and people who can rely on me. How am i supposed to have people continue being friends if i just give up?

 

[Shiitake]

Not love in the romantic way (not sure how often i really experience romantic love even) but i do love them platonically. Very explicitly clear conversations had about that even because thats more common among queer people. I just want people who will remain in my life pretty permanently. I want people i can rely on when things are hard and people who can rely on me. How am i supposed to have people continue being friends if i just give up?

i mean queer people tend to be really shitty towards that stuff, better to find a friend group, i mean it shouldnt be too hard, infact probably easier for queer people, do you use dating apps? if so use the more "traditional ones" like tinder.

You dont give up, you give up on people who already gave up on you, you soften the blow against your own esteem, not all people deserve you and thats the simple fact.

 

[M19R]

i mean queer people tend to be really shitty towards that stuff, better to find a friend group, i mean it shouldnt be too hard, infact probably easier for queer people, do you use dating apps? if so use the more "traditional ones" like tinder.

You dont give up, you give up on people who already gave up on you, you soften the blow against your own esteem, not all people deserve you and thats the simple fact.

Yeah that makes sense. As far as dating apps, they are kinda rough for trans guys in utah ill be real.

 

[Black_Knight]

Genuinely, the first step is to stop thinking of yourself as a bad person. When you brand yourself like that, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Stop fixating on what you're doing wrong. Don't stereotype yourself. You're so much more than that.

 

[nocatwaslost]

Hey, really hard to tell since we don't know you, your behavior, your way of showing emotions, feelings and how you approach people.

But first: You deserve to have friends and be loved. I am sorry that it doesn't work out at the moment but I struggle too with finding friends and sometimes it is just bad timing. If you feel like you are genuinely the problem, you can try to ask people what makes them distance them from you, if you are capable of doing that. But it seems you need more self-esteem or maybe an outsider view. Do you have any people that you call friends? Ask them about a thing that they like about you and maybe also talk about your questions because they know you better than we do.