How to say goodbye to your loved ones, but so that they do not notice that there is a danger of suicide?

[strangelife]

I can't leave without saying goodbye to my loved ones without saying the warmest words to them, but I don't want them to suspect anything

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Maybe pretend you're really really drunk or high then maybe they'll not look into your sudden bursts of feelings.

 

[strangelife]

Maybe pretend you're really really drunk or high then maybe they'll not look into your sudden bursts of feelings.

in general, I am not afraid to show feelings and always have, but here it is more a question of how to calm down myself and understand that this is the last meeting and what I have to say, because this is what slows me down and does not let me go

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

in general, I am not afraid to show feelings and always have, but here it is more a question of how to calm down myself and understand that this is the last meeting and what I have to say, because this is what slows me down and does not let me go

Hmm. Maybe you could try rehearsing what you plan to say a bunch of times until you've reduced it to nothing more than acting in a play. Not sure how well that'd work though…

 

[strangelife]

Thank you for your thoughts

Hmm. Maybe you could try rehearsing what you plan to say a bunch of times until you've reduced it to nothing more than acting in a play. Not sure how well that'd work though…

 

[The Schizoid]

1) Suicide note
2) Delayed email

 

[strangelife]

1) Suicide note
2) Delayed email

Suicide note-this is already done
The problem is that when I see them, I can't accept in any way that this is the last time and that we won't see each other again, I didn't want to die and everything was fine in life, but because of the disease now I don't see the point in continuing, the disease has robbed me of the opportunity to receive positive emotions from life

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Personally, i'm not into the whole good bye thing. I've said so in my posts and my stance remains the same.
However, if you're so inclined to do so then..
One way would be to look into something called "living wakes". Of course, depending on your age and presentation of why you want to do it, this might cause some concern. a 40/50 year old saying they want a living wake and prepping for it makes sort of sense compared to other age groups.(not my personal stance, it's just how it is)
Another is present it in such a way that you're moving to a different state. town or country for work, and have a sort of good bye dinner/lunch etc. Sure, you'll promise to keep and touch and all but well, just make something up, like its a location with limited cell service or something.
Of course, you can only pull these off a limited number of times.

 

[strangelife]

Personally, i'm not into the whole good bye thing. I've said so in my posts and my stance remains the same.
However, if you're so inclined to do so then..
One way would be to look into something called "living wakes". Of course, depending on your age and presentation of why you want to do it, this might cause some concern. a 40/50 year old saying they want a living wake and prepping for it makes sort of sense compared to other age groups.(not my personal stance, it's just how it is)
Another is present it in such a way that you're moving to a different state. town or country for work, and have a sort of good bye dinner/lunch etc. Sure, you'll promise to keep and touch and all but well, just make something up, like its a location with limited cell service or something.
Of course, you can only pull these off a limited number of times.

thanks for the idea, I really can't leave without saying goodbye, given my state of health, I can't practically leave the house and this is another problem and the reason why I lost the meaning of life, I'm 41

 

[Slow_Farewell]

thanks for the idea, I really can't leave without saying goodbye, given my state of health, I can't practically leave the house and this is another problem and the reason why I lost the meaning of life, I'm 41

I get it, dont worry. im 40 myself and yeah, i'd be lying if i hadnt thought about the whole goodbye thing myself but I always go back to "nah. im good as is".
Another version of this would be to schedule individual conversations with each one you want to talk to, under the guise of "hey i just want to catch up with you and your life" kinda thing, if you can pull that off.
Doesnt need to be in person, you can do a video call or something.

 

[Linda]

I can't leave without saying goodbye to my loved ones without saying the warmest words to them, but I don't want them to suspect anything

Just do it. If they don't know you are suicidal - and if you have never attempted suicide in the past, or talked seriously about it - they won't guess. If they do start speculating, they are more likely to guess that you have some terminal illness that you don't want to talk about. If they start asking pointed questions, and assuming that you are not comfortable telling them outright lies, you can drop hints that would tend to support the idea of you being terminally ill.

If you have attempted suicide in the past it's much more difficult. They will know what is happening, and I don't think you will be able to hide it.

 

[strangelife]

I get it, dont worry. im 40 myself and yeah, i'd be lying if i hadnt thought about the whole goodbye thing myself but I always go back to "nah. im good as is".
Another version of this would be to schedule individual conversations with each one you want to talk to, under the guise of "hey i just want to catch up with you and your life" kinda thing, if you can pull that off.
Doesnt need to be in person, you can do a video call or something.

Yes, I think having an individual conversation is the right decision.

Just do it. If they don't know you are suicidal - and if you have never attempted suicide in the past, or talked seriously about it - they won't guess. If they do start speculating, they are more likely to guess that you have some terminal illness that you don't want to talk about. If they start asking pointed questions, and assuming that you are not comfortable telling them outright lies, you can drop hints that would tend to support the idea of you being terminally ill.

If you have attempted suicide in the past it's much more difficult. They will know what is happening, and I don't think you will be able to hide it.

I've never been inclined and I've never tried, but everyone knows that I've been sick for like 3 months and I'm only getting worse, but everyone hopes that I'll get better, because they don't understand the details. I'm not sick enough to die, but the condition is such that there is no life either

 

[Linda]

Yes, I think having an individual conversation is the right decision.

I've never been inclined and I've never tried, but everyone knows that I've been sick for like 3 months and I'm only getting worse, but everyone hopes that I'll get better, because they don't understand the details. I'm not sick enough to die, but the condition is such that there is no life either

What is your condition?

 

[XINGBATAI]

Do you family members know about your illness? We're you recently diagnosed?
You could go visit everyone important to you and tell them something along the lines of "my recent diagnosis has me thinking about how fleeting life is or how short life is, and I just wanted to let you guys know how important you are and how much I love you". You can blame your heightened emotions on your illness. You said you were always affectionate with them, so it is perfectly understandable that someone who suffers an illness would become more emotional. I think that is a common reaction of people when they are diagnosed with a life changing illness, so unless you were suicidal in the past, I doubt they would expect it.

I'm 39 myself, and while I don't have a terminal illness, I have an ankle problem that leaves me in near constant excruciating pain and pretty much prevents me from doing the few things in life that I love doing. I used to be a competitive boxer and really was on track to becoming a pro; it was one of the few sports I actually had natural talent for. I was also an avid hiker and used to hike for miles into the mountain wilderness and camp for weeks at a time; I loved it. I can't do any of it any more, and I'd be lying if I didn't say it is taking a serious mental toll on me and sucking the enjoyment out of life.

 

[Linda]

Do you family members know about your illness? We're you recently diagnosed?
You could go visit everyone important to you and tell them something along the lines of "my recent diagnosis has me thinking about how fleeting life is or how short life is, and I just wanted to let you guys know how important you are and how much I love you". You can blame your heightened emotions on your illness. You said you were always affectionate with them, so it is perfectly understandable that someone who suffers an illness would become more emotional. I think that is a common reaction of people when they are diagnosed with a life changing illness, so unless you were suicidal in the past, I doubt they would expect it.

I'm 39 myself, and while I don't have a terminal illness, I have an ankle problem that leaves me in near constant excruciating pain and pretty much prevents me from doing the few things in life that I love doing. I used to be a competitive boxer and really was on track to becoming a pro; it was one of the few sports I actually had natural talent for. I was also an avid hiker and used to hike for miles into the mountain wilderness and camp for weeks at a time; I loved it. I can't do any of it any more, and I'd be lying if I didn't say it is taking a serious mental toll on me and sucking the enjoyment out of life.

Just a thought. (If it's a stupid thought, I don't mind you telling me) Would amputating the foot, and using a prosthetic foot be an improvement? Would it at least get rid of the pain? Or would it create more problems than it would solve? I hope you don't mind me making what might seem like (and might be) a crazy suggestion, but it does no harm to at least consider all the possibilities.

 

[strangelife]

What is your condition?

neurological disease, manifested in weakness in the legs now

Do you family members know about your illness? We're you recently diagnosed?
You could go visit everyone important to you and tell them something along the lines of "my recent diagnosis has me thinking about how fleeting life is or how short life is, and I just wanted to let you guys know how important you are and how much I love you". You can blame your heightened emotions on your illness. You said you were always affectionate with them, so it is perfectly understandable that someone who suffers an illness would become more emotional. I think that is a common reaction of people when they are diagnosed with a life changing illness, so unless you were suicidal in the past, I doubt they would expect it.

I'm 39 myself, and while I don't have a terminal illness, I have an ankle problem that leaves me in near constant excruciating pain and pretty much prevents me from doing the few things in life that I love doing. I used to be a competitive boxer and really was on track to becoming a pro; it was one of the few sports I actually had natural talent for. I was also an avid hiker and used to hike for miles into the mountain wilderness and camp for weeks at a time; I loved it. I can't do any of it any more, and I'd be lying if I didn't say it is taking a serious mental toll on me and sucking the enjoyment out of life.

I am so sorry. Yes, they know of course. Yes, it's hard to lose everything I loved to do, I was engaged in kitesurfing and motorsport and taught my son this, and now I can do nothing but lie in bed and move around the house a little, it's scary to realize. And also the pain does not even allow you to sleep and painkillers do not help

 

[Linda]

neurological disease, manifested in weakness in the legs now

Is it progressive, like MS? If you know that things are going to go steadily downhill, from an already bad situation, I can understand you choosing to ctb. If it's not progressive, and is bad but not going to get any worse, is it worth considering whether there is any way you can make something worthwhile of your life within the constraints imposed by your condition? (I realise that there might not be.) A limited life, if achievable, might be better than no life.

 

[strangelife]

it may be possible to replace the knee joint

 

[Linda]

I hope you find a solution of some kind, either in this world or beyond it.

 

[strangelife]

I hope you find a solution of some kind, either in this world or beyond it.

Think you I am trying

 

[XINGBATAI]

Just a thought. (If it's a stupid thought, I don't mind you telling me) Would amputating the foot, and using a prosthetic foot be an improvement? Would it at least get rid of the pain? Or would it create more problems than it would solve? I hope you don't mind me making what might seem like (and might be) a crazy suggestion, but it does no harm to at least consider all the possibilities.

It's not an option and I personally would rather die than be an amputee. They normally do a bone fusion surgery, but because I have problems in multiple areas of the joint, I'm too high a risk for the fusion to not heal, so they won't do it. I'd personally rather take pain medication than have a high risk surgery anyway, but because of the rampant opiate abuse and fear of getting a bad name, doctors aren't willing to provide it to someone like me long term, even though it would improve my quality of life.

To be honest with you, I've been dealing with pain for so long that if pain was the only issue, I would still be able to have a decent quality of life. The worst thing is not being able to do the things that I enjoy and the stress of not being able to work and support myself. I'm having a hard time getting disability because of my age, and I just never imagined that my life would be like this.
The only thing I can still do is go camping, but I can't hike. I can't compete as a boxer. I'm a piano player as well and used to play in bands before my ankle got too bad. Everything I invested years of time and effort into doing, I am no longer able to do to any meaningful level. I still hit the heavy bag and spar with my nephew whom I'm teaching, but I can only do it for very short periods , and I can't run or skip rope because if I'm on my feet for more than about a half hour, I won't even be able to put weight in my foot for about 3 or 4 days.
I've had a lot of girlfriends over the years, especially while in the band, but I was never able to settle down due to my financial issues caused by not being able to work full time.
I have a great family, I have two dogs that I love like my own kids, and I have a few nephews and a niece that I love like they are my own. Those are the things that keep me going. I also have a stubborn unwillingness to be broken which I'm not sure whether it is a blessing or a curse

 

[LifeIsCrazyNemb]

it may be possible to replace the knee joint

Hello
Is it complicated the acess to such a procedure?
Maybe its worth this shot as a last resort before thinking of CTB. Looks life you have a great family enviroment and judging by your recent lifestyle (kittesurfing) you dont seem to have mental issues in the past i guess.
Good luck!

 

[TAW122]

It's not an option and I personally would rather die than be an amputee. They normally do a bone fusion surgery, but because I have problems in multiple areas of the joint, I'm too high a risk for the fusion to not heal, so they won't do it. I'd personally rather take pain medication than have a high risk surgery anyway, but because of the rampant opiate abuse and fear of getting a bad name, doctors aren't willing to provide it to someone like me long term, even though it would improve my quality of life.

To be honest with you, I've been dealing with pain for so long that if pain was the only issue, I would still be able to have a decent quality of life. The worst thing is not being able to do the things that I enjoy and the stress of not being able to work and support myself. I'm having a hard time getting disability because of my age, and I just never imagined that my life would be like this.
The only thing I can still do is go camping, but I can't hike. I can't compete as a boxer. I'm a piano player as well and used to play in bands before my ankle got too bad. Everything I invested years of time and effort into doing, I am no longer able to do to any meaningful level. I still hit the heavy bag and spar with my nephew whom I'm teaching, but I can only do it for very short periods , and I can't run or skip rope because if I'm on my feet for more than about a half hour, I won't even be able to put weight in my foot for about 3 or 4 days.
I've had a lot of girlfriends over the years, especially while in the band, but I was never able to settle down due to my financial issues caused by not being able to work full time.
I have a great family, I have two dogs that I love like my own kids, and I have a few nephews and a niece that I love like they are my own. Those are the things that keep me going. I also have a stubborn unwillingness to be broken which I'm not sure whether it is a blessing or a curse

I'm sorry to hear that and I don't know what to say except that if you are looking for closure, it may be tricky because personally (after the years), I myself do not plan to say goodbyes for the same reasons and risks as you mentioned in this thread (speaking for myself of course). That being said, I see the situation like a double-edged sword. If one goes and announces it, it may cause alarm and panic, possibly causing you to not be able to attempt either due to intervention, guilt, or any other factor and hindrance. On the other hand, if you don't say your goodbyes, you (as you mentioned in this thread) may feel incomplete or not fully ready yet. Ultimately, I would say it's a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer here as each individual situation is different.

With that being said, I can relate to the fact that you have hobbies that you invested time and effort into and no longer able to pursue them in a way (meaningful to you) that would bring you satisfaction and joy. I have a few hobbies myself and I had times where I couldn't do it to my liking or things change within me that prevent me from pursuing them at a level that is satisfactory to me, I can feel like wanting to CTB. For the last part, I don't really know whether it is a blessing or curse, probably depends on one's perspective and viewpoint.

 

[Linda]

It's not an option and I personally would rather die than be an amputee. They normally do a bone fusion surgery, but because I have problems in multiple areas of the joint, I'm too high a risk for the fusion to not heal, so they won't do it. I'd personally rather take pain medication than have a high risk surgery anyway, but because of the rampant opiate abuse and fear of getting a bad name, doctors aren't willing to provide it to someone like me long term, even though it would improve my quality of life.

To be honest with you, I've been dealing with pain for so long that if pain was the only issue, I would still be able to have a decent quality of life. The worst thing is not being able to do the things that I enjoy and the stress of not being able to work and support myself. I'm having a hard time getting disability because of my age, and I just never imagined that my life would be like this.
The only thing I can still do is go camping, but I can't hike. I can't compete as a boxer. I'm a piano player as well and used to play in bands before my ankle got too bad. Everything I invested years of time and effort into doing, I am no longer able to do to any meaningful level. I still hit the heavy bag and spar with my nephew whom I'm teaching, but I can only do it for very short periods , and I can't run or skip rope because if I'm on my feet for more than about a half hour, I won't even be able to put weight in my foot for about 3 or 4 days.
I've had a lot of girlfriends over the years, especially while in the band, but I was never able to settle down due to my financial issues caused by not being able to work full time.
I have a great family, I have two dogs that I love like my own kids, and I have a few nephews and a niece that I love like they are my own. Those are the things that keep me going. I also have a stubborn unwillingness to be broken which I'm not sure whether it is a blessing or a curse

Thanks for explaining things. All I can do is express my sympathy - which isn't going to do much to help you.

"a stubborn unwillingness to be broken" I don't give up easily either, so that's something we have in common. Whether being like that it's a blessing or a curse is hard to say; probably it depends on how we use it.

 

[strangelife]

Thanks for explaining things. All I can do is express my sympathy - which isn't going to do much to help you.

"a stubborn unwillingness to be broken" I don't give up easily either, so that's something we have in common. Whether being like that it's a blessing or a curse is hard to say; probably it depends on how we use it.

Thank you

My thoughts are like this. I have the right to determine when to end my suffering, I am strong and I do not want to be completely dependent and unable to live on my own. I don't want to be a burden. But I can't say this before ctb

 

[strangelife]

Yes, I've weighed the pros and cons again. I clearly understand that being ill, I cannot receive any positive emotions from life, being incapacitated, I become a prisoner of my home, although I can work on a computer and continue to run a business, but all this and money become unnecessary when you lose your health. I have always believed that health is the most important thing to take care of, and now I find myself in a situation where doctors cannot help me. My loved ones should eventually understand that such a life is not acceptable to me. Of course, they say that even in a wheelchair, at least how to live and continue, but I don't see the point in that. I do not understand how paralyzed people with disabilities continue to live and say that their life is quite acceptable.

 

[strangelife]

I also thought that it was necessary to convey to my loved ones so that they would understand that it was not their fault, that I was not ready to put up with the condition and that they did everything right in terms of supporting me. after all, it is very important that it is easier for them to survive the loss

 

[Mayonaise]

This is not a proper advice but a thought that just crossed my mind: you say that you don't want to live as a paraplegic, right? Then maybe you could just tell this to your family.
You're very worried that your condition may lead you to that point, and you feel so emotional and scared that you want them to know that you love them.
This way you'll be allowed to tell them anything you want without raising suspicion. You don't even have to mention death, just the fear of becoming paraplegic

 

[strangelife]

This is not a proper advice but a thought that just crossed my mind: you say that you don't want to live as a paraplegic, right? Then maybe you could just tell this to your family.
You're very worried that your condition may lead you to that point, and you feel so emotional and scared that you want them to know that you love them.
This way you'll be allowed to tell them anything you want without raising suspicion. You don't even have to mention death, just the fear of becoming paraplegic

Thank you for your advice. I have always said, and my family knows it, that it is better to die than to become disabled. I've voiced my fears too, but I don't think they take it seriously.