Discussion How to say goodbye (but not as the one leaving)

[Notatook]

I know this is an unusual question because usually, the people here on this site are the ones that are leaving or at least in the process of leaving. But right now, I'm in the process of saying goodbye to one of the most influential people in my life and I just wanted to know.

How do you cope with it? I know after this I'll never see them again and for the first time, I feel like I'm the one being left behind. They've helped me so much through my life but to them, the time I spent with them only makes up just a fraction of fraction of their very long life and to me, it makes up to what seems nearly the entirety of my life. I'm just the young whippersnapper they helped. One of the many.

And you know what? What my deepest fear in this life isn't a fear of dying but a fear of the people who I know will never remember me, despite having left such a huge crater in the thing that is called my life. I grow so attached to things that it scares me sometimes when I lose it. And I always lose these types of things so I just wanted to ask the members of this forum.

How do you deal with this? I decided to write a letter but no matter what I write, nothing seems to be enough.

 

[NemoZeno]

How do you cope with it? I know after this I'll never see them again and for the first time, I feel like I'm the one being left behind.

It's kind of a yes & no thing, isn't it?
When one dies, irrespective of the reason, the person dying leaves "behind" the living. At the same time, the person dying is left "behind" the living. "Behind" is both this reality of the living and whatever reality is after this one (if existent).

[That sounded better/made sense in my head but I can see that others view what I said as meaningless tautology so my apologies if the above didn't make any sense.]

In any case, you "have" to be comfortable with being left behind and it doesn't have to be painful.

My case: I am extremely bitter so I view it as a "good" thing. I am abandoned (being left behind) for good reason: I'm not dragging anyone down my incessant, nihilistic, pessimistic, distasteful (world)view with me.
This world doesn't need another Hitler. By that logic, it doesn't "need" me the influence others that might cause them do great pervasive harm ie killing others.
If I die, I only induce psychic pain to a few loved ones.
If I persist and somehow my ideas spreads, others interpret it the way I didn't want them to, and they take my anecdote as evidence for their reasoning chances are likely they become the Aurora Colorado shooter [in which nihilism played a role]. Not saying I'm influential (that's grandiose) but I want exactly 0 part in a mass shooter's reasons to kill. So off with me it is.
I am at peace that the disaster that is my consciousness doesn't proliferate.
That's just one example/path. You can do whatever rationalizing to leads you to feel that being left behind isn't so bad after all.

And you know what? What my deepest fear in this life isn't a fear of dying but a fear of the people who I know will never remember me, despite having left such a huge crater in the thing that is called my life. I grow so attached to things that it scares me sometimes when I lose it.

You are appear to be aware of by the fact that you recognize you are attached.
If you accept you are attached to this ideal (dying and that no one will remember you), then it's possible you can accept teaching of all religions/spiritualities that have writings on how to let go of that attachment. You'll find a lot of it in Buddhism but I'm sure the other Eastern religions, Abrahamic ones, etc touch upon the same thing.
I haven't looked into any of them extensively but since this is in the mental "realm" (ie you're not exactly physically doing anything to achieve this), the path is mental. Meaning you "have to" change your thinking. You do that through much rumination and practice.
In a perverse way, you can try CBT.

When you think about being left behind, stop yourself instead of letting it fester and making you more anxious+miserable+etc etc.
Remember the words of the Buddha (or whomever) and ruminate over the fact that you agree and it is rational to accept that you are attached to being remembered. Recognize that is (kind of) stopping you from doing what you want (suicide).
Be calmed that you're trying to think rationally in a repetitious way that this is what you want and that it's "ok" to be left behind (instead of thinking, "Oh no! I don't want to be left behind! Behind = bad!).




Or....., if it's within your means to obtain, you can take a mix of MDMA and whatever other drugs that help give a synergistic effect that will make you insanely euphoric before you do it so you don't die sad, regretful, miserable. That's costlier (which doesn't matter to us who will be dead) but a helluva lot easier than making the effort to spend a minimum of months conditioning yourself.