How to recover when you have a fear of opening up

[minamin]

Greetings all. This is my first post on this site, but I've lurked here for about a monthish before making an account.

Like many other people on here, I've had my fair share of issues, and I'm currently flipflopping between CTB or really trying to get better. I've always been pretty not-well in the head since around 2015, but for the past two years it's just progressively gotten worse and worse. My issue is I really want to get better, but I am absolutely terrified of getting help. I cannot for the life of me open up to others about my own issues and I don't think I could do it even if I paid for the service like with a therapist or psychiatrist. That, or in the .0001% chance I actually say how I feel, I'll get thrown into a psych ward because my actual thoughts are very not good (and I've heard so many horror stories like that!!).

Of course, going to therapy isn't the only way to start mental recovery, but I don't really know what else to do. I am very fortunate enough to be in a financially stable household, have friends, make some money, have hobbies I enjoy, take decent care of myself food-wise, etc., that other people do not have access to. Of course, there are plenty of things that could be better, but I think that generally the life I'm in is decent and isn't the source of the problem so much as my brain being the source of the problem. By all means I should be happy, but I am just constantly miserable; the main things I struggle with are extreme depressive thoughts and the occasional bit of intense unfounded jealousy with very particular people (i keep these things internalized, i don't want to lash out at people because of how I am).

So I feel like the only solution I have on the table for myself would be to go to a therapist/psychiatrist; mainly because I could be prescribed medication that would help my mind get itself in order. I know medication can't magically fix me, but I do kind of see getting medicated as a "last resort" in that maybe it's the one thing I haven't tried that can help. But again... really scared want to open up to actually get this help.

So I was wondering, how could I recover like this? Is there something else I'm missing/should try? Should I try to force myself to go anyways so I can get a prescription for something (and possibly risk getting thrown into a psych ward depending on how much I say, whoops)? What helps all of you that I might not have listed in my life?

If you've read to the bottom of this loooooooong post, thanks. If you can offer any advice, that would be great, but you don't have to. Have a good day all!

 

[WornOutLife]

Hello, dear!

Welcome to SS!!!

Most of us will do nothing but try to help you!

I think you might recover because you're really trying to find way outs! That's amazing!!!

A psych ward might work but according to the experiences I've read, it rarely does help.

Just like you, I attended therapy but it didn't work.
However, the psychiatrist I'm seeing is quite cool and the meds he prescribed me are really helping me.
I suffer from bipolar disorder type I and I'm taking bupropion, lamotrigine and quetiapine.

Leaving the professional help aside, what really helped me was finding hobbies. You should find some!

I get so happy when I do things that I enjoy that I feel like doing some other stuff such as working, cleaning my apartment, singing, etc. It really changes my mood and I forget about suicide for some time.

Feel free to pm me whenever you want!

Hope you can feel better soon.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[timf]

It may not seem so, but you have much going for you. If you want to make specific progress, it might be helpful to identify a particular recurrent issue and begin to experiment with bringing it under control. You might for example, use thoughts of jealousy as a project. If you have thoughts that arise, you can build for yourself a mental checklist that you submit the thoughts to for evaluation. It may sound a little childish, but you might be surprised the application of such a process can help regain control over some thoughts.

You may also wish to experiment on the nutritional side using vitamins or supplements to augment your diet to see if there are any things that are being aggravated by deficiencies.

There is an awful lot you can do on your own before ever having to face "opening up" to someone.

 

[minamin]

Hello, dear!

Welcome to SS!!!

Most of us will do nothing but try to help you!

I think you might recover because you're really trying to find way outs! That's amazing!!!

A psych ward might work but according to the experiences I've read, it rarely does help.

Just like you, I attended therapy but it didn't work.
However, the psychiatrist I'm seeing is quite cool and the meds he prescribed me are really helping me.
I suffer from bipolar disorder type I and I'm taking bupropion, lamotrigine and quetiapine.

Leaving the professional help aside, what really helped me was finding hobbies. You should find some!

I get so happy when I do things that I enjoy that I feel like doing some other stuff such as working, cleaning my apartment, singing, etc. It really changes my mood and I forget about suicide for some time.

Feel free to pm me whenever you want!

Hope you can feel better soon.

Hugs and love,

Matt

Thank you for the welcome!
I truly don't understand psych wards, every story I've seen about someone being sent to one sounds absolutely miserable, from strangers to my own friends... And I've seen some mixed opinions on getting medicated/seeing psychs on SS but I feel like it might be able to help me, it's good to know that it helps you!
As for hobbies, I actually do a lot to keep myself busy (so I won't think about anything negative haha). Mainly art and cleaning, I really like a neat place. I wonder if maybe adding exercising daily to my list of hobbies might help because I often see that help others, but I'll need to figure out how to stay motivated to keep an exercising schedule!

It may not seem so, but you have much going for you. If you want to make specific progress, it might be helpful to identify a particular recurrent issue and begin to experiment with bringing it under control. You might for example, use thoughts of jealousy as a project. If you have thoughts that arise, you can build for yourself a mental checklist that you submit the thoughts to for evaluation. It may sound a little childish, but you might be surprised the application of such a process can help regain control over some thoughts.

You may also wish to experiment on the nutritional side using vitamins or supplements to augment your diet to see if there are any things that are being aggravated by deficiencies.

There is an awful lot you can do on your own before ever having to face "opening up" to someone.

When I get those pangs of jealousy, I tend to have this thinking process that breaks down for me "Hey, you have absolutely no reason to feel this way", but I still end up having the jealous thoughts/feelings regardless. Like if a peer gets an opportunity I feel I could have gotten and done better than them in, I'll stop myself and think "But look at all the other things you're doing, you shouldn't feel upset about them doing this one thing", and I'll agree with that thought, but still feel that lingering negativity... If that makes any sense. It feels like there's two different me's in my head in those moments. I wonder how I could make my own thoughts stick.
And vitamins, I never thought of that! I take a standard multivitamin every day but I'll start looking into others that that multivitamin doesn't cover. Thank you!

 

[JustAFriendlyGuy]

Greetings all. This is my first post on this site, but I've lurked here for about a monthish before making an account.

Like many other people on here, I've had my fair share of issues, and I'm currently flipflopping between CTB or really trying to get better. I've always been pretty not-well in the head since around 2015, but for the past two years it's just progressively gotten worse and worse. My issue is I really want to get better, but I am absolutely terrified of getting help. I cannot for the life of me open up to others about my own issues and I don't think I could do it even if I paid for the service like with a therapist or psychiatrist. That, or in the .0001% chance I actually say how I feel, I'll get thrown into a psych ward because my actual thoughts are very not good (and I've heard so many horror stories like that!!).

Of course, going to therapy isn't the only way to start mental recovery, but I don't really know what else to do. I am very fortunate enough to be in a financially stable household, have friends, make some money, have hobbies I enjoy, take decent care of myself food-wise, etc., that other people do not have access to. Of course, there are plenty of things that could be better, but I think that generally the life I'm in is decent and isn't the source of the problem so much as my brain being the source of the problem. By all means I should be happy, but I am just constantly miserable; the main things I struggle with are extreme depressive thoughts and the occasional bit of intense unfounded jealousy with very particular people (i keep these things internalized, i don't want to lash out at people because of how I am).

So I feel like the only solution I have on the table for myself would be to go to a therapist/psychiatrist; mainly because I could be prescribed medication that would help my mind get itself in order. I know medication can't magically fix me, but I do kind of see getting medicated as a "last resort" in that maybe it's the one thing I haven't tried that can help. But again... really scared want to open up to actually get this help.

So I was wondering, how could I recover like this? Is there something else I'm missing/should try? Should I try to force myself to go anyways so I can get a prescription for something (and possibly risk getting thrown into a psych ward depending on how much I say, whoops)? What helps all of you that I might not have listed in my life?

If you've read to the bottom of this loooooooong post, thanks. If you can offer any advice, that would be great, but you don't have to. Have a good day all!

Hey minamin!

Seems like your main problem lies within your mind. These depressive/jealous thoughts are what are keeping you down.

My advice would be to fight them at their source, the mind. It may sound too simple or too good to be true but meditation can actually help you a lot.
It is nothing other than getting the mind under control.

You can think of it like mental training, just like
physical training is needed to keep your body healthy, meditation can be used to keep your mind healthy!

There are dozens of medical studies which confirm benfits such as reduced anxiety, stress and blood pressure, increase of attention span, positive emotions etc.

It can really increase your quality of life!

You can find some of them here;

12 Benefits of Meditation

Meditation can help redirect your thoughts and improve your overall quality of life. Here are some of the science-backed benefits of meditation.

www.healthline.com

I had similar problems like you and it helped me greatly.
Negative thoughts rarely appear anymore and i am much more calm and happy now.

So i am sure it can help you too.

Wish you all the best :)