Help How to prove I'm serious about living

[nozomu]

Hi friends, my partner is really scared of me CTBing. I am trying to live because he asked me not to die, but he confessed to me that he's still scared I will disappear. And he said he feels like distancing himself because of it, which I want to avoid more than anything because I really want to have him in my life. He is my reason to push myself to live and I don't want to lose that.

I don't want to die, but I don't know how to do a recovery anymore. I feel broken and lost. I think I need to make earnest attempts to *try* to recover, to ease his fears that I am serious about doing my best to live.

What can I do to show him I am serious about trying to avoid CTB? How can I ease these fears? I have been telling him as much as I can that I am sticking to living for him. But it isn't enough.

All I can think of is getting a new therapist. But I don't know if that's enough. I'm desperate. Please help.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

first of all you have a good kind caring partner.

yes commit yourself to therapy, meds , showing him the positive changes, take it one step and one day at a time.
you cant convince him by words but by showing him the actual changes and positivity.

i wish you all the best in your recovery and im truly happy for you .

 

[jodes2]

I think communicating with him regularly about your intentions will help that, it's hard to fake positivity consistently. Get him used to the new you by talking positively, things you're doing to improve, things you're looking forward to, what you enjoy about his company. Plus as @HermitLonerGuy said, show him the positive steps and changes, getting active

 

[Lonerzepam]

This also highly depents on what you want to recover from. I wouldn't just blindly go to therapy and try new meds again. If it helped I'd say try again. If it didn't help in the past why would it now? You can't commit yourself on doing the same things expecting different outcome. I don't wanna come off negatively or so but I'm not gonna praise generic advice and toxic positivity neither. So as I said it highly depends on what you're recovering from. I'd highly encourage you to checkout the recovery resources compilation. There's a spoiler button on the bottom with much information ranging from traditional to not traditional recovery methods, things you might have never considered for real check it out dude.

Yeah besides that some good and useful things for recovery I myself do and highly recommend: eating healthy, regular sleep patterns, additional sleeping aid, additional nutritions & Vitamins, natural traditional medication (ashwaganda or CBD for example), go outside for a walk or run for Excercise and Vitamin D although in winter you need to take additional Vit D capsules, do things you enjoy maybe try out new ones but I'd stick to what I already know. Psylocibin, Weed, MDMA, Ketamine, Sex...I'll just leave those here lol. Maybe talk to your partner about how you really feel. Go for walks in nature either alone or with your partner. It's so good for the soul believe me. Meditate. Breathing exercises etc. etc. If you do those things on a regular basis you'll see amazing results in a short period of time. But yeah just some things I do personally but I highly recommand it for everyone. And as said for real dude checkout the recovery resources compilation.

Anyways hope I could help best of luck to you friend

 

[nozomu]

This also highly depents on what you want to recover from. I wouldn't just blindly go to therapy and try new meds again. If it helped I'd say try again. If it didn't help in the past why would it now? You can't commit yourself on doing the same things expecting different outcome. I don't wanna come off negatively or so but I'm not gonna praise generic advice and toxic positivity neither. So as I said it highly depends on what you're recovering from.

My biggest mental struggles come from PTSD and RSD. I am trying to avoid suicide. It's really challenging to recover when you've been beaten down so much by life. But this person makes me feel alive for the first time in my life. I want to try for him. I don't want to lose that light I never had, now that I know what it's like.

 

[Againstthewind]

Your partner is scared of losing you, and he doesn't know whether to be close to you or to distance himself, so he doesn't feel that pain of losing you if he gets too far in, especially the feeling that the inevitable could possibly happen and he could lose you. As much as you want to repair yourself for this individual, you shouldn't put all your time and effort to want to improve BECAUSE of one individual. I know that sounds negative, but if you put all your personal feelings and idea into wanting to heal because of someone, if you lose that part of your puzzle, it will destroy you I'm not saying you will break up or not. I hope not, it's just you've created this thread, and if the thread snaps you'll be back to square one, especially with your RSD.

You've got to want to heal and improve and get better for yourself. It's not about anybody else. I know it's hard to get other people to understand how we are feeling but you shouldn't block out how you feel because of how it makes somebody else feel, that's how we tend to turn ourselves off and not tell people how we feel.

Tell your partner everything you've told us, be as open as possible that's always important in a relationship without it it's doomed that way you may hear things about how he's feeling about all this that you didn't know. Get him to try at least understand how you're feeling currently.

You're both scared of losing each other, which is good, because clearly you both like each other very much and have the same fear. You gotta ease those fears.

Forget about therapy and antidepressants just for the moment, just have a conversation with yourself about what do you truly want out of life and then talk to your partner about what you BOTH want out of life, that can help you to decide what route you want to take on recovery. Once you take that step, then you can figure out the rest afterwards.

You both have to be a team, but you have to communicate honestly with each other also :)

 

[pole]

as @jodes2 mentioned, communication.

you can insist all you want that you won't do it, but it's going to go through one ear out the next for your partner. and they'll continue to worry and overthink themselves to death about the thought of you going.

instead, you should try and get to the heart of their anxiousness. it's deeper than just the thought of you going, and insisting that you won't doesn't do much to reassure them.

figure out the underlying reasons for why they continue to feel the way they do despite your ongoing attempts at getting better and your constant reassurances. there's something about you leaving that is weighing him down, and until that's addressed, he won't stop feeling this way.

ask questions, think critically and get to the foundation of his worries. when you do, you'll have a better idea of how to ease his nerves and make him trust you more when you say you're committed to wanting to live.

 

[western_heart]

Get rid of your method, or at least find a place to store it outside your home where you won't be able to use it impulsively. Tell him or even involve him in the process.

^ this feels like the correct answer but it's not something I would be able to do myself

 

[The Eeyorish One]

If you're not afraid of tattoos you could get a small semicolon tattoo, which is gotten by people struggling with suicide as a way to say something like "my story doesn't end today" (I forget exactly). To me, getting something permanent like this shows commitment and would make me feel more secure about my partner sticking around but maybe that's just me.

 

[lionetta12]

Hi friends, my partner is really scared of me CTBing. I am trying to live because he asked me not to die, but he confessed to me that he's still scared I will disappear. And he said he feels like distancing himself because of it, which I want to avoid more than anything because I really want to have him in my life. He is my reason to push myself to live and I don't want to lose that.

I don't want to die, but I don't know how to do a recovery anymore. I feel broken and lost. I think I need to make earnest attempts to *try* to recover, to ease his fears that I am serious about doing my best to live.

What can I do to show him I am serious about trying to avoid CTB? How can I ease these fears? I have been telling him as much as I can that I am sticking to living for him. But it isn't enough.

All I can think of is getting a new therapist. But I don't know if that's enough. I'm desperate. Please help.

Propose to your partner or give them a promise ring, I guess that's what I did to show that I wasn't suicidal anymore in my relationships but that might not be comfortable for you or others to do.

 

[Illidan77]

I think you should tell him that he's your purpose and ask the question to him..
How can I prove it to you?
And like if i go to therapist (and show proof or something), will you believe me?
Idk if you should also asked that it won't be instant, there'll be setbacks but you'll moving forward..

 

[nozomu]

Propose to your partner or give them a promise ring, I guess that's what I did to show that I wasn't suicidal anymore in my relationships but that might not be comfortable for you or others to do.

I'm going to propose to them in April when we take our big trip together. But I want to make proactive steps between then and now so I get (hopefully) a more confident yes.

 

[nozomu]

Get rid of your method, or at least find a place to store it outside your home where you won't be able to use it impulsively. Tell him or even involve him in the process.

^ this feels like the correct answer but it's not something I would be able to do myself

I think I'll just have to lock up anything I could use to go impulsively. I don't feel like I could entirely rid my home of methods especially since I'm on so many meds lmao

 

[Ookami]

It takes great courage and determination to want to work on yourself for the better. Having a partner who is willing to sit with you, talk things through, and hold you is one of the few crucial resources one can have when in recovery. I don't think you really need to "prove" yourself to him. I am sure that your tiny desire to stay afloat is enough and more to him. Talk to him directly. Ask him what he thinks would help you. Hold on to him when you really need him, let him know that it will take a while but you're really trying, you really want this. On most days, love is a force that wills itself against failure.

I genuinely wish you the best.

 

[Next-to-Nil]

Ask him to borrow 3650$ from you and pay you back one dollar a day. Call it your "living fee" and that he'll know for sure you'll at least tough another 10 years.
YES IT'S RIDICULOUS, BUT it works.