How to prepare to ctb over the long term?

[TheFriendlyGh0st]

I plan to ctb about a year from now and I don't know how to prepare physically (writing a note, cleaning out my belongings, etc...) or mentally (saying good bye to people, adjusting my goals to not exceed my expiration date, etc...) and I have some questions about timing and a few other things

I'm mostly wondering (in no order):
- When should I stop acquiring new things? For example my girlfriend wants me to replace my seven year old laptop but what's the point when you're not going to get much of a chance to use it? Is there some sort of hierarchy of things? (Like stop buying tech at this point, stop buying groceries at this point...?)
- When should I start to give away things I won't need in the next year or less?
- When and how should I make arrangements for my pets?
- What is a good list of places for my family to call to let them know I've passed on? I don't work and don't plan to before then but what about my doctors? What about my school? I'd just like to be able to make that part of my post-death as easy on my family as I can. No searching for phone numbers online, since the phone system my multi specialty group uses is totally screwed up.
- When should I stop making plans? Is it worth it to make appointments and things and have my family cancel them after I've caught the bus? My mom would be particularly upset about not considering her here.
- I have a thousand and one other questions but these are the ones I can remember at the moment


But most importantly:
- How do I do all this without anyone becoming suspicious? Nearly everyone I know knows that I struggle with suicidal ideation so it's fairly likely someone will try to stop me if things become too obvious. But I've waited far, far too long to be stopped now and I want to be careful. Preferred method is partial hanging but I'm pretty crafty and I can guarantee no one would question it if they found some rope laying around. Really my problem is that I live in mess and cleaningkeeping my space *too* clean would raise some alarms, but I don't want to leave it all for my family to clean up. Such a conundrum...

Anyway. Any and all advice is welcome. I barely know what I'm doing so I could use all the help with leaving this life as possible

 

[pole]

Hey, i'm glad you've thought it through ahead of time atleast, instead of waiting till the last moment and having a major clusterfuck (literally what i do with everything, procrastinate). You should stop acquiring new things, depending on their function. pick and choose. You obviously need short term things to survive for the short term. Long term wont be needed. For example, my mom wanted me to get braces with my sisters, but i hope to not live for the forseeable future (next few years), so instead i let my sister get braces instead of me, just cause its a waste of money for a dead person to have great teeth. groceries, upgrading your laptop, those are relatively short term commodities. Upgrading your laptop, you have a year till you ctb, why wouldnt you really unless your laptop right now can last another year or so. And groceries till the last month of you ctbing really, that isnt anything big either.

You can choose to start giving away things now. I've chosen ahead of time now to sign up and do the little things so i wont have to worry about doing them in the last few months. For example, donating my organs to donors, etc when im dead. doing my part when im alive in monthly donations to refugees around the world. You can start sorting your clothes out and give to clothing banks or to the less unfortunate that you see here and there. Or to family members or nephews as considerate gestures.

In terms of pets, many people use their final notes (suicide note) to draw up instructions for this. you can give your pets to someone loving or a friend and make up a reason before, or just write about where you want them in ur note as your final wishes. it would be up to you where you'd like and want them to be.

Not really sure how ctbing and how school and stuff works, thats gonna be complicated but again, it'll help writing about it in your suicide note, but ctbing during the end of your school year would be ideal, just so the school years done, they wont have to worry about the hassle of anything schoolwork related and grades which wont even matter. I guess the school stuff isnt a burden at all really.

With ur doctors as well, it isnt really that deep, where there has to be a set plan. but to make sure you dont have others grow suspicious especially knowing you already have suicidal tendencies, not doing anything overwhelming that would derail you off track and make others give you a wierd eye, including doctors just because of some perfect plan is ideal; you definitely dont want them to be suspicious.

The appointment parts are tough, but thats apart of a routine. And a routine is extremely important. It helps normalize you. It just helps keep you intact. especially with others probably worried about you and knowing your mental health problems, a change in routines such as a lack of scheduled appointments different from your norm and other things really would trigger suspicion. Imo, it would be smart to best abide by these routines till your death, cancellations are fairly easy, it isnt that big of a heartache, ur death will be bigger than anything man. so i guess sticking to a consistent routine is important, especially since you'd be doing other things outside ur norm already, (giving things away, budgeting with groceries and new things, etc). Start trying to clean more now, make ur room better now, instead of waiting till the last minute and raising suspicions. say cleaning ur room makes you feel better or something and that you just wanna change. It would help with reducing suspicion, and look less unusual if your doing it now than months before ctb.

Sorry if i was no help :/. If you ever need anyone to talk to, and i'm a really good fricken listener, slide into my pms by all means.

I hope you find the peace that you're looking for.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

I'd begin by breaking up with your GF as a first step.

 

[DreamCatcher]

There was a little mind game I did once. What would you do if you had X amount of time to live?

If you had an hour, what would you do? You wouldn't worry about all the little things.
If you had a day? Maybe a nice meal and a sit on the beach.
A month? You'd have time to sell things, quit jobs, enjoy life a bit, whatever you'd want to do.
However long you're thinking now? ???

I probably wouldn't get new pets, or new girlfriends, but you might as well spend time with them while they are still here with you.

As far as giving things away, if you know something will mean a lot to someone or will help them out by all means do it. But don't go overboard.

Or you could just live a "normal" life until a week or a day before depending on your method and if you need to travel for it. Pretend everything is normal, buy things, upgrade things, pretend you're living a normal life.

If you don't make a single plan for a single thing and just CTB peacefully, then someone else will figure everything out for you. Don't worry about a thing. Just live and enjoy whatever of life you can before the end.

No one will be suspicious if you don't do anything special. All of those "We never knew or expected this from them, they seemed normal and happy" were exactly that in a lot of cases I'm sure.