How to Prepare? CTB with SN

[hettyratty]

After a lot of reading, scrolling, and otherwise mulling, I've decided SN is the right way for me to CTB. I'm in the UK, so firearms aren't really an option (would be my go-to if they were), my bedroom doesn't have anywhere for partial suspension (I live in a shared house, so my bedroom is the only private area), and I fear my SI would kick in before I could achieve a full suspension or jump/fall from height.

But now I need to actually plan it. Gather the supplies, and decide on where I want to go out. I will do further research, but I'd like to ask for input, too.

Firstly, the materials. The SN Bible says SN can be purchased from Amazon, but I could only find Nitrate, not Nitrite, despite searching for the latter. Another site was only accessible to companies, so that's out too. Does anyone know of a way to source it? I'm not overly wealthy, but I can fork out a little more for shipping. I have absolutely no knowledge of the dark web or anything like that. As for the antiemetic - I have a history of migraines. I am assuming I could go to a pharmacy (preferable, as I don't currently have a GP, but I can register if necessary) and describe migraine and nausea symptoms and hope to get them? If not, is there any other way?

Secondly, choosing the location. As I said, I live in a shared house, but I don't know or talk to any of the other tenants. They would not interrupt me, and would be unlikely to find me until either the tenancy ends, around September, or if and when the smell got bad enough for them to notice. This is not ideal. Finding anyone who has passed would be traumatic, but to also find someone who has been gone for a while seems like an unfair burden to put on them. So, what then? I know passing can take a while with SN, but I would likely be unconscious fairly quickly. I know some people would suggest a hotel. Slightly better, as I could plan for a 2-3 night stay, CTB on the first night, and then allow for additional nights in case I am initially unsuccessful. So long as I have a sign up, no one should come in. But again, I hate the idea of being found by staff who are just trying to make ends meet.

I live near the coast. I'm not entirely sure of the tide schedule, but I was thinking of going under the pier during low tide. There I would pass out, and come high tide, be washed away. That way, no one else is pulled into this. I'd leave notes for relatives, of course. I do not have much family, but there are a few who deserve to know it wasn't their fault. There are more who deserve to know it was, though I don't know yet if I want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they finally killed me, even if not by their own hand. Another thing to mull on. But I would not want those who did try to not know. I figured either leaving them in my room with the address, or posting them on the day I leave and sending them second class so they arrive after I'm gone. I think the former, just in case anything goes wrong.

I have very little to my name. No car, no house. Just some electronics. A nice gaming laptop. I figure my cousin would like it. Do I close my bank accounts in advance? One is overdrawn. I doubt I'd be able to close it while being in debt. I hope that debt doesn't pass on to anyone. If it does pass on, can I designate someone to inherit it? My father could stand to pay for me for once in his life. Heck, maybe I'll take out a credit card and go wild for my last few weeks, if it means he has to pay it back.

Apologies for the ramble. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, or anything really. No one checks in on me. No one would know I was gone until my tenancy was up - I'm meant to be moving back in with my aunt. I'm a grown adult and I can't even hold down a job, a home, a relationship, or a friendship. I lose them all time and time again. I want this to be as seamless as possible. I've suffered enough and I'm taking back control - I want to do it peacefully.

 

[rj3542]

After a lot of reading, scrolling, and otherwise mulling, I've decided SN is the right way for me to CTB. I'm in the UK, so firearms aren't really an option (would be my go-to if they were), my bedroom doesn't have anywhere for partial suspension (I live in a shared house, so my bedroom is the only private area), and I fear my SI would kick in before I could achieve a full suspension or jump/fall from height.

But now I need to actually plan it. Gather the supplies, and decide on where I want to go out. I will do further research, but I'd like to ask for input, too.

Firstly, the materials. The SN Bible says SN can be purchased from Amazon, but I could only find Nitrate, not Nitrite, despite searching for the latter. Another site was only accessible to companies, so that's out too. Does anyone know of a way to source it? I'm not overly wealthy, but I can fork out a little more for shipping. I have absolutely no knowledge of the dark web or anything like that. As for the antiemetic - I have a history of migraines. I am assuming I could go to a pharmacy (preferable, as I don't currently have a GP, but I can register if necessary) and describe migraine and nausea symptoms and hope to get them? If not, is there any other way?

Secondly, choosing the location. As I said, I live in a shared house, but I don't know or talk to any of the other tenants. They would not interrupt me, and would be unlikely to find me until either the tenancy ends, around September, or if and when the smell got bad enough for them to notice. This is not ideal. Finding anyone who has passed would be traumatic, but to also find someone who has been gone for a while seems like an unfair burden to put on them. So, what then? I know passing can take a while with SN, but I would likely be unconscious fairly quickly. I know some people would suggest a hotel. Slightly better, as I could plan for a 2-3 night stay, CTB on the first night, and then allow for additional nights in case I am initially unsuccessful. So long as I have a sign up, no one should come in. But again, I hate the idea of being found by staff who are just trying to make ends meet.

I live near the coast. I'm not entirely sure of the tide schedule, but I was thinking of going under the pier during low tide. There I would pass out, and come high tide, be washed away. That way, no one else is pulled into this. I'd leave notes for relatives, of course. I do not have much family, but there are a few who deserve to know it wasn't their fault. There are more who deserve to know it was, though I don't know yet if I want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they finally killed me, even if not by their own hand. Another thing to mull on. But I would not want those who did try to not know. I figured either leaving them in my room with the address, or posting them on the day I leave and sending them second class so they arrive after I'm gone. I think the former, just in case anything goes wrong.

I have very little to my name. No car, no house. Just some electronics. A nice gaming laptop. I figure my cousin would like it. Do I close my bank accounts in advance? One is overdrawn. I doubt I'd be able to close it while being in debt. I hope that debt doesn't pass on to anyone. If it does pass on, can I designate someone to inherit it? My father could stand to pay for me for once in his life. Heck, maybe I'll take out a credit card and go wild for my last few weeks, if it means he has to pay it back.

Apologies for the ramble. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, or anything really. No one checks in on me. No one would know I was gone until my tenancy was up - I'm meant to be moving back in with my aunt. I'm a grown adult and I can't even hold down a job, a home, a relationship, or a friendship. I lose them all time and time again. I want this to be as seamless as possible. I've suffered enough and I'm taking back control - I want to do it peacefully.

Hi there, I'm sorry things are so hard. sourcing SN is the hardest part. I got lucky as the source I used pulled it off the site right after I ordered. Some people are having it sent from Poland or Portugal, but check the threads on UK customs. SN is triggering wellness checks for some people.

There are online MD services that write prescriptions. I got the Rx's for about $60 physician visit fee. The doctor was doing video calls literally from a bedroom. Call took 10 mins.

You have a good chance of being found and rescued under a pier. People have failed in hotel rooms because they crashed around while unconscious and staff came to check.

Debt is passed to spouses but not family members in the US. You could check online for UK law.

I hope this helps some.
Wishing you peace and comfort.

 

[msesis]

Hi there, I'm sorry things are so hard. sourcing SN is the hardest part. I got lucky as the source I used pulled it off the site right after I ordered. Some people are having it sent from Poland or Portugal, but check the threads on UK customs. SN is triggering wellness checks for some people.

There are online MD services that write prescriptions. I got the Rx's for about $60 physician visit fee. The doctor was doing video calls literally from a bedroom. Call took 10 mins.

You have a good chance of being found and rescued under a pier. People have failed in hotel rooms because they crashed around while unconscious and staff came to check.

Debt is passed to spouses but not family members in the US. You could check online for UK law.

I hope this helps some.
Wishing you peace and comfort.

Hi there, could I ask what you told the doctor for them to give you the prescription for it?

 

[rj3542]

Hi there, could I ask what you told the doctor for them to give you the prescription for it?

No problem. I posted about it here:https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/find-ae.171446/post-2593351

 

[hettyratty]

Hi there, I'm sorry things are so hard. sourcing SN is the hardest part. I got lucky as the source I used pulled it off the site right after I ordered. Some people are having it sent from Poland or Portugal, but check the threads on UK customs. SN is triggering wellness checks for some people.

There are online MD services that write prescriptions. I got the Rx's for about $60 physician visit fee. The doctor was doing video calls literally from a bedroom. Call took 10 mins.

You have a good chance of being found and rescued under a pier. People have failed in hotel rooms because they crashed around while unconscious and staff came to check.

Debt is passed to spouses but not family members in the US. You could check online for UK law.

I hope this helps some.
Wishing you peace and comfort.

Thanks for this, I will check out some UK-related threads for sources. I figure I can put it under a fake name - since 5 other people live here, and it's the kind of property that gets new tenants each year (it's technically a student house, though I'm not a student), it'd be easy enough to claim a previous tenant misused the address, or someone made a typo, should a wellness check be called. Though, I highly doubt there would be.

The pier is quite far down the beach, and I was planning on going at night, when the beach is pitch black, and sitting under the pier. Unless I'm spotted as I walk down, I should be fine. The beach is usually quiet at night, besides a few drunks from the local clubs. I doubt they'd even notice me, thankfully. I just need to figure out the timing with the tides, to give myself enough time to be unconscious before the water rises. Sort of a fail-safe for the SN: drowning while asleep would be fine too. A hotel would be a second option - there's plenty of shady ones around here, where I doubt they'd come looking even if I was kicking and screaming, if you catch my meaning.

I'll also look into online MDs, if going to a pharmacy doesn't work. I'm sure we have them here, and while the meds aren't OTC, I don't think they're massively regulated either.