Help How to overcome SI?

[SubZero]

So I have two bottles of N waiting for me . I keep getting worse and worse and everyday a nasty health issue arises that there is no going back from. More recent one - a tone of eye floaters that are making me sick. I will not go into details about my other health issues, but their severity is killing me and I want to CTB.

I chose a place in the nearby forest with a nice view over my home town. However, I am lacking the courage it seems. I want to die but I am not strong enough to do it. I know If I do it now, I will spare myself even more intense suffering, as I know it is not gong to stop.

Do you have any tips how to overcome SI when N is my method? Alcohol, drugs? Anything that helps?

 

[WantToQuit]

In my case, the SI diminishes as I get older. Now I've gotten to the point that I will certainly CTB (I just have to wait few days until I'll be home alone).
Don't think of overcoming SI by alcohol and drugs. You just maybe need a bit more time. You can always postpone CTB.

 

[HappyForever?]

If I knew I wouldn't be here.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Let me know when you figure it out. I've been searching for that answer for a while.

 

[AreWeWinning]

I don't think it can be truly overcome. For me, if I ever do it, I imagine it will be like I'm still afraid, but I'll do it anyway. I expect it to feel awful. I could compare it to something which you have done and required intense courage, but you did it anyway. It'll be the same feeling, just times x100.

 

[suicide_implant]

I attempted to CTB a couple of times…Still no luck. Currently I am in a psychiatric hospital and was kind of thinking about SI. I noticed that every time I was about to slit my wrists/OD I felt a feeling of self pity that I had to hurt myself in such a way so I can feel "better". I feel this even thou I have no problems with hurting myself and hate my body. For me, overcoming SI will be better when I can let go of everything that I love about life, everything that keeps me alive even for a slightest second. So I think what could help, is just saying goodbye to every fantasy/need you have - denying it to yourself. You want something that you REALLY can't have- say goodbye to it, deny it to yourself. I mean, It has nothing to do with what I deserve/don't deserve, It's just that I need to be at peace with every part of me. Maybe while thinking about things u would want from life/in life, things that keep you alive, things that you love, you will see a way to have them and will realise you still have a chance at life.

 

[AreWeWinning]

I attempted to CTB a couple of times…Still no luck. Currently I am in a psychiatric hospital and was kind of thinking about SI. I noticed that every time I was about to slit my wrists/OD I felt a feeling of self pity that I had to hurt myself in such a way so I can feel "better". I feel this even thou I have no problems with hurting myself and hate my body. For me, overcoming SI will be better when I can let go of everything that I love about life, everything that keeps me alive even for a slightest second. So I think what could help, is just saying goodbye to every fantasy/need you have - denying it to yourself. You want something that you REALLY can't have- say goodbye to it, deny it to yourself. I mean, It has nothing to do with what I deserve/don't deserve, It's just that I need to be at peace with every part of me. Maybe while thinking about things u would want from life/in life, things that keep you alive, things that you love, you will see a way to have them and will realise you still have a chance at life.

I have similar feelings. I feel that in a way I have to accept 'defeat', have to give up. I have more or less accepted this is my fate, and it's inevitable, but somehow I still cling on. I still have feelings of "this is not right", "I deserve this and that". I still have hope. Still get excited about certain little things, I still fantasize about a happy life. It's always subjective. Is the glass half full, or half empty?

So anyway, one way to deal with this hope is to just give up... Yes, maybe things still can turn to the better... So what? Maybe I should just let it go. If I want to do it, I need to throw that chance away, because we can always say there is still a chance. That little voice never stops. I need to accept that I'll miss out on whatever joy is left in my life. I need to accept that I'll disappoint my family. I need to accept that those who tried to push me down, eventually won.

This is very sad, and difficult to describe the feeling. Or maybe there is nothing to describe. In order to do it, at one point I'll have to say "Yes, I could live another day, but I choose not to. It may not be the best choice, but it's my choice anyway."

 

[gottablast888]

i kno si will always be there. but one day no matter what my brain says i kno ctb is optimal for someone like me and i will just drink it. doesnt even taste that bad to me either so thats not an issue

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be very difficult to overcome the SI as even know we want to die, all humans are programmed to survive. I believe that many people are able to overcome the SI when the pain of living gets to be unbearable and they are desperate to escape, but of course I do not really know the answer. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much to get to this point, it sounds so awful what you are going through. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.

 

[suicide_implant]

I have similar feelings. I feel that in a way I have to accept 'defeat', have to give up. I have more or less accepted this is my fate, and it's inevitable, but somehow I still cling on. I still have feelings of "this is not right", "I deserve this and that". I still have hope. Still get excited about certain little things, I still fantasize about a happy life. It's always subjective. Is the glass half full, or half empty?

So anyway, one way to deal with this hope is to just give up... Yes, maybe things still can turn to the better... So what? Maybe I should just let it go. If I want to do it, I need to throw that chance away, because we can always say there is still a chance. That little voice never stops. I need to accept that I'll miss out on whatever joy is left in my life. I need to accept that I'll disappoint my family. I need to accept that those who tried to push me down, eventually won.

This is very sad, and difficult to describe the feeling. Or maybe there is nothing to describe. In order to do it, at one point I'll have to say "Yes, I could live another day, but I choose not to. It may not be the best choice, but it's my choice anyway."

I hate to know you are struggling. You seem like a person whose will to live is still strong. Just do what you think is best with it. Either way, I hope you will be happy

 

[Starylain001]

For me: have physical illness that turns your body to torture chamber for soul.

 

[SubZero]

For me: have physical illness that turns your body to torture chamber for soul.

I have tone of illnesses which leave me disabled and in pain. They bring total loneliness and isolation with them and basically ruined the life of one successful 28 year old boy. I know I have no other choice but to CTB, why am I being such a coward? It is sure the hardest decision in my life. I am 99% sure things will only worsen and there will be no normal life for me - only suffering till the end of my days therefore I want to minimize the suffering by reducing my days on Earth.

I wonder what will give me the strength do it. It seems I am a masochist for staying that long.

 

[Starylain001]

I have tone of illnesses which leave me disabled and in pain. They bring total loneliness and isolation with them and basically ruined the life of one successful 28 year old boy. I know I have no other choice but to CTB, why am I being such a coward? It is sure the hardest decision in my life. I am 99% sure things will only worsen and there will be no normal life for me - only suffering till the end of my days therefore I want to minimize the suffering by reducing my days on Earth.

I wonder what will give me the strength do it. It seems I am a masochist for staying that long.

Do you have means to end your life? I dont.

 

[SubZero]

Do you have means to end your life? I dont.

I have two bottles of N if this is what you are asking. Otherwise I still do not have the balls to use the although my suffering is beyond this world. It has no limits how bad it can get.

 

[MementoMori81]

I have been preparing myself for my, potentially upcoming end, by meditating on the inevitability of death. I remind myself that all I'm doing is bringing forward the date of the inevitable and that, SI or no SI, it is going to happen, whether soon by my own hand, or in the future by time and nature itself.

I contemplate the peaceful nature of the nothingness to which I'll return and the fact that trillions of years will pass, without any inconvenience or suffering for me. I remember that by ensuring I leave no words unsaid, by speaking my mind to everyone I feel I have something to say to, that I'll leave the world in the right way and whole.


Doing this regularly brings me to peace with my potential end. Never forget, as sure as you were born, you're going to die. Accepting this will give you some semblance of release and inner peace, akin to dying, before dying. At least, it does for me.