Discussion How to minimize trauma for your loved ones?

[hypertext]

I think many of you are in the same boat as me - the only thing preventing me from CTB is the knowledge that it will devastate my loved ones. I am in the process of deciding who to inform of my death and how to do so while minimizing the pain that I cause them. One thing I'm stuck on is this: do I tell them personally when I am about to CTB? One of my friends is aware of my plan and requested that I inform her personally when I execute it. I think I will honor her request, but I definitely won't tell my family or my coworkers - I feel they would try very hard to stop me and be incredibly traumatized when they failed. I would prefer that they find out after the fact and only learn more about my plan via my note. I have no idea how I want my partner to be informed of my passing - she's the primary reason I'm hanging on.

I am also figuring out how to inform people that I know online. I wish I had someone I could tell before I did it, and who I could give all my loved ones contact information to to inform them, but I have no one who I trust enough to ask this.

Have you struggled with this? What are your thoughts?

 

[darkythoughts876]

Make it so it seems like an accident. Or maybe request your friend to make it seem like an accident?

 

[hypertext]

Make it so it seems like an accident. Or maybe request your friend to make it seem like an accident?

I don't think this is possible for me. My friend doesn't want me to CTB, it's just that she lives a couple hundred miles away and we both know she's powerless to stop me. Not really sure how I'd make it look like an accident anyways... and if anyone got into my phone or computer after I went they'd find out my intentions.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really think that it's a terrible idea to tell people in advance about plans to ctb in this anti suicide society as they could potentially interfere, it just sounds too risky but after all it's up to you. I would just write notes instead, I think that no matter what those left behind will struggle with the loss but anyway nobody is obligated to continue existing and we are all destined to die anyway.

 

[hypertext]

I really think that it's a terrible idea to tell people in advance about plans to ctb in this anti suicide society as they could potentially interfere, it just sounds too risky but after all it's up to you. I would just write notes instead, I think that no matter what those left behind will struggle with the loss but anyway nobody is obligated to continue existing and we are all destined to die anyway.

I definitely don't plan to tell people far in advance. The only person I've told is the one friend I mentioned. I guess I meant moreso whether I send a text immediately before CTB so that they know immediately and hear it from me, or if I have someone else contact them after the fact... Originally I just wanted someone else to contact everyone after I was gone but after talking to my friend and her telling me how angry and upset she would be if I didn't tell her myself I'm reconsidering.

 

[RichardFirst]

There is no way to spare a loved one from grief, regardless of what you do. All that's to be done is to write a note, tell them that you love them and wish them well in the future. They will be affected by your passing, but that is the nature of death.

 

[Archer]

I hate my parents but Love my grandparents, It's such a hard choice do I make it look like an accident so my grandparents won't think it is their fault and to minimize their truama? or do I just say fuck the accident so my parents can see what they did and how they fucked up my life so much with how they treated me and ruined my ability to be fucking normal.

 

[hypertext]

I hate my parents but Love my grandparents, It's such a hard choice do I make it look like an accident so my grandparents won't think it is their fault and to minimize their truama? or do I just say fuck the accident so my parents can see what they did and how they fucked up my life so much with how they treated me and ruined my ability to be fucking normal.

Yeah... that's another reason I don't want to make it look like an accident. I wouldn't cast blame on my parents cause they're not that bad even though they fucked me up, but theres some people from my college who abused me in multiple ways last year & many more who saw this abuse and were complicit in it, and I just... want them to burn. I want them to see the consequences of their actions and I want their reputations to be destroyed as they deserve.

 

[dancesponge]

On a technical note, gmail lets you schedule send, by day & time, so you can prepare your messages and schedule them to go out after you CTB. Then, if you change your mind, you can delete them before they get sent.

 

[meowmeowkitty]

I guess the best way to try and set as much ease as possible would be to write note(s) or record some videos beforehand telling why and letting them know this was a well thought out and planned action; and that you've made this decision 100% on your own. At the end of the day someone's going to feel like they didn't do enough or say enough, but it'll pass and with time they'll hopefully come to understand that this was just your human right to die :)

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I wouldn't advice you to tell anyone at all, if you do they will mostly likely try to stop you. Bu anyway wish you all the best with the decision that you are going to take.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would not inform anyone before it's done not even a best friend unless I want to risk a rescue attempt, which can lead to further consequences (psych ward, becoming a veggie and others). Depending on the chosen method, scheduled messages, email could be an option to inform someone.

 

[starlightsun]

Personally I wouldn't want to put that burden on anyone, by telling them beforehand. Can you imagine the responsibility of knowing that someone you cared about planned to ctb... and if you knew and didn't prevent it - that person's other friends/family might blame you for not letting them know and not preventing it. It would be absolutely awful.

As for letting people know online, depending what platforms you use you could schedule a post for the future. You can schedule emails too.

I've also put in my note that there is absolutely nothing they could have done to prevent this (of course they will probably think there's more they could have done but at least I have tried to reassure them).

 

[MidnightExpress]

I am also figuring out how to inform people that I know online. I wish I had someone I could tell before I did it, and who I could give all my loved ones contact information to to inform them, but I have no one who I trust enough to ask this.

The way I have decided to tell online friends is by asking for their personal e-mail, under the pretense of having a reliable means of communication in case some other service goes under.

When the time comes, I will write a generic "if you are reading this..." message, cco everyone on the list, and set a timer to 24h later. This way there is no fear of one of them reading fast and stopping me, but also in case it doesn't work there is enough time to stop it from sending.

 

[SolomonKado]

there is also "Future Me" website and app along with Google that was mentioned earlier.

 

[nothingissacred]

got the same problem... i think the best you can do is to make it clear in whatever way possible that the ones you love arent at fault.
i think not having to think about wheher you could have changed your behaviour in order to "save" a loved one does a lot.
i think thats about the only difference between loosing someone to "natural causes" and to suicide
if someone looks at it differently id love to hear your point of view

man assisted suicide would be nice if you could say goodbye to everyone and just fuckoff :D