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brokensea
Arcanist
- Aug 4, 2022
- 406
He did yesterday send me some email with resources. One to a 30 day clinic - I will lose my job and can't miss work that long. And did send me an email to a in person therapist - I can't go because I have many days in a row I am too tired and depressed to drive.The thing that's unconscionable is that he's telling you you're too sick for him to keep seeing you, and yet he's not at the very least giving you referrals to clinicians who would be more appropriate. He's just all "toodle-doo!"
Honestly, if he's as worried about you as he claims to be, he should be trying to get you admitted to a psyche unit. That is what "best practice" would typically look like in this situation, at least in the U.S. In order of preference, a therapist worried that a patient is going to kill themselves would attempt to: 1) convince them to seek inpatient treatment voluntarily, 2) call the patient's emergency contact and work with that person on getting him/her admitted, 3) contact the local authorities about doing a "wellness check," a procedure that frequently, although not always, ends up with the patient getting dragged to the hospital against their will.
Commitment in any form tends to be a pretty horrible experience, so I wouldn't normally fault a therapist for not starting down that road. However, it is utter shit to toss around jargon like "best practices" and then not bother to follow any actual best practices. At that point using such phrases is just a gaslighting technique that attempts to take advantage of a layman's unfamiliarity with professional terminology. This is especially so when at least one "best practices" option, namely getting you referrals to other therapists, requires pretty minimal effort on the therapist's part, and is unlikely to traumatize the patient.
(For the record, I once taught in classrooms where there were a number of kids who got special services due to emotional and behavioral difficulties. I was a mandatory reporter in that context, so I was neither quite a layman or a psyche professional. This was in the U.S., by the way. I'm sure things work differently elsewhere in the world.)
Also, just FYI, it's still possible for your now-ex-therapist to set the wheels of involuntary commitment in motion, assuming he could convince a judge that you're in imminent danger of hurting yourself or others. So do be cautious about what you say to him, assuming you have any further contact.
I wish he would acknowledge he lied about being able to support a suicidal person and would be here for me and actually admit he got in over his head and can't actually handle it and has to dump me and try to send me somewhere else after daily support and being super intensive about contacting me. And using the fact that we see each other online as an excuse that I need to see someone in person. So it's not any failing on his part. He could have gotten me into some online support groups or tried other things before this extreme measure.
I told him I was 80 percent sure I wanted to commit suicide and I don't really think or see any reason to live and was more processing everything and grieving what it means to make the decision to die, so if I do so I don't have any regrets. I told him I wouldn't try another method that was painful or be impulsive that I wanted this to be made with a full and complete decision and I was safe as long as I didn't buy the things I needed and I have not even done that yet. So I was not in imminent danger. And I'm not giving myself a due date on when I've gone through the process and feel ok I can do this with knowing all of the pain I'll cause and that I don't know what will happen when I die and that there is truly nothing here I will ever want to live for even if I achieved things I wanted. It's a process that takes some time and something I really want to think about.