How to let go of the love people around me is giving me?

[Silent_cries]

I know this is far from the case for everyone witch is rly sad, ngl! But I have ppl around me who actually loves me and cares about me, like my family for instance. This is making it hard for me to ctb as I'm having a hard time letting go of the love and care ppl around me gives me when they see me in pain. I know ctb is the right thing for me though, I am truly suffering in life and even my body is starting to ache at this point. How do I let go of the love ppl gives me so I can finally overcome my SI and ctb? Pls help!

Ngl, I wish I could give the lovely ppl around me to somebody who needs them more than me, as I am not going to need them when I'm dead anyways :(

 

[mortuarymary]

I remembe saying to my brother as he died from cancer that's I'd love to swap lives so he could live. He deserved life more than me.
My family will be absolutely devastated, so would my partner, but no suprised. It's a hard one.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This is a really difficult situation, depending on how old you are have you really exhausted all options for your life? Why do you wanna die?
It's the unsolvable problem when it comes to death / CTB someone is gonna suffer from the loss or form the unbearable pain that leads to CTB.

 

[matt1968]

Yes, I have the same with my partner, a thoroughly decent human being.

It's so difficult. Wishing everyone well.

 

[Silent_cries]

This is a really difficult situation, depending on how old you are have you really exhausted all options for your life? Why do you wanna die?
It's the unsolvable problem when it comes to death / CTB someone is gonna suffer from the loss or form the unbearable pain that leads to CTB.

Yes I have, I've been seeking help pretty much my entire life, and I'm 23 now and haven't gotten anywhere. I assure you, ctb is my only option rn. Ik I'll hurt my family, and I hate that, but it's not being able to get that love from them anymore that hurts me the most for some reason. Even if loosing me will be devastating to my family, ik they're strong and will get through it. I'm a tad more worried about one of my bff's as she has issues of her own tbh, but I'm sure she'll understand where I'm coming from too. After all, I've written several suicide notes over the years. Assuming they'll be found, she will at least know why I did it, and so will everybody else around me, making it a little easier on them. Thanks for looking out for me though, I know you meant it well and I apreciate it <3

I remembe saying to my brother as he died from cancer that's I'd love to swap lives so he could live. He deserved life more than me.
My family will be absolutely devastated, so would my partner, but no suprised. It's a hard one.

I'm so sorry for your loss!

For me it's not hurting others that's the hardest part for some reason, it's the thought of not being able to recieve their love anymore that's the most difficult for me. I understand where you're coming from though, I would have probably felt the same if I were in your shoes.

Yes, I have the same with my partner, a thoroughly decent human being.

It's so difficult. Wishing everyone well.

Ik, and thanks! I wish you well too!