How to lessen hurt for family members

[meetapple]

I have very good parents and a very good sister. But I need to CTB. I feel they didn't deserve that. How can I ease their pain so to speak.

 

[nowayout*]

I have very good parents and a very good sister. But I need to CTB. I feel they didn't deserve that. How can I ease their pain so to speak.

Still trying to figure that out not sure there is any way.

 

[needed_]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I guess the worst part for people who are left behind is to figure out why their loved one chose this path. so if you really want to do it I think you should find a way to explain your family why you did this and that - if it's the case - they don't have anything to do with that.

 

[Ta555]

I have very good parents and a very good sister. But I need to CTB. I feel they didn't deserve that. How can I ease their pain so to speak.

I don't know how old you are or your situation, if you are still relatively young and don't have major health issues I think you should try and use any resources you can to improve whatever is making you want to ctb. To answer your question, I'd have philosophical and hypothetical discussions with people about legalising euthanasia and why I'm for it. Discussing situations also where a person's condition is not fatal but causes a lot of suffering, like tinnitus or chronic fatigue and why I think they should have the right to ctb if they want. This sort of preps people around me to if not necessarily agree with me then start to see things from a different point of view and makes them start to think that yes, maybe there is suffering in this world where it would be more compassionate for the person to let go of life.
You'll never make anyone ok with your ctb that's just how it is. No one who loves you will ever say, ok I understand and I accept you want to kill yourself. But you could try to make them understand your suffering so if you ever decide to ctb they at least know you had reasons and it wasn't about them.

 

[meetapple]

I don't know how old you are or your situation, if you are still relatively young and don't have major health issues I think you should try and use any resources you can to improve whatever is making you want to ctb

Unfortunately I am 49. I have felt like a pariah for a long time and I haven't been able to change that. My sense of self-efficacy is poor to say the least. I have a doctor's appointment next week. I hope I can add on another medication to treat my symptoms.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

Unfortunately I am 49. I have felt like a pariah for a long time and I haven't been able to change that. My sense of self-efficacy is poor to say the least. I have a doctor's appointment next week. I hope I can add on another medication to treat my symptoms.

I haven't made a study, but from what I've read by the survivors, it's pretty rare for them to not take it personally.
"If only I'd have [whatever], they wouldn't have felt the need to kts."

Perhaps just talking with them about it so they know how you feel and why you feel that way? It would give them a chance to have input before the fact. Maybe they'd understand, or maybe they'd just get pissed off at you. Either way, it would probably lessen the pain.

Good luck with the appointment and potential better treatment.

*I'll just say, at 49 you're practically still a kid. I didn't have any grey hairs, and didn't even have to shave my ears yet. Something to look forward to. lol

 

[Brona-Keres]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I guess the worst part for people who are left behind is to figure out why their loved one chose this path. so if you really want to do it I think you should find a way to explain your family why you did this and that - if it's the case - they don't have anything to do with that.

I agree with this approach. Whether you talk to them beforehand or leave a super detailed letter, I think the biggest thing is to help them understand it's not about them and there wasn't anything they could have done. I don't think they'd really understand or not hurt regardless, but at least you could answer some questions.

 

[britter]

I think this one is a tough challenge with a simple solution, as much as it sucks to swallow, the people that know you will be effected by your death. Although, It is up to you how you deal with that knowledge. Personally, as much as I love and care for the people around me, I also stand by the fact that ultimately I will make my final decision and all I can do is write to the people who care the most and hope they understand and respect my decision to move on.

 

[wannaseepenguins]

I've tried to be as honest as I can with the people I care about regarding my depression and suicidal thoughts. Over the years, we've had a lot of conversations and I've done what I can to assure them that IF I kill myself (can't say WHEN or people start freaking out) it's not their fault and is something I've done for my own good. I've also recently had some sucess exposing them to the perspecive that people have the right to choose death. I'm sure they'll still be sad about it, but I think a better understanding of my perspective and reasoning has helped minimize the inevitable emotional damage.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not think that there is much you can do, as to end your pain, it passes it on to other people. They will be sad no matter what, but in my case the way I see it, I will not be alive at that point. I think the only thing that someone could do, is to write a note, which could act as closure and can mean that those left behind will not be left with unanswered questions. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[LookieLou]

I'm 64 and ill, and I tell people I'm not brave enough to follow it to the end. I also tell people who are close to me to guard their hearts…they can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. I tried all my life to save people who didn't want to change and over time I realized it was really about me judging them according to my standards and ignoring their right to make choices. The same with being responsible for other peoples' feelings — those are not my business to fix. That's their journey.

maybe you can start a conversation about not being able to change "a friend's" mind about a decision you don't agree with. Driving too fast all the time could start a convo about how you're concerned but can't change them.

 

[ExitiumVitae]

I have seen the aftermath of someone ctb. The bad news is, you'll affect more people than you know and you cannot completely remove the pain that your death will cause. The good news is, you can atleast try to lessen the pain.

People will feel guilty about your end, even if you never even considered it to be that person's fault in the first place. So I suggest affirming that it's not their fault and even thanking the people you love for easing your pain before your departure from earth. People will be left with a lot of questions and this will give them fuel to have their mind stuck on your death, so I suggest explaining the circumstances around your death and clearing up any confusions they may have beforehand. People may regret not spending more time with you, so I suggest leaving them things to remember you by like songs you like or items you are attached to to give them a feeling of still being around you through memories of you. People will think you have ''done something horrible to yourself'', so explain the suffering you'll avoid at the time of you being dead and that you're in peace now.

I can tell you are a very kind soul, I wish you the best of luck.