Discussion How to know if someone is a narcissist who enjoys seeing and making you feel emotionally terrible ?

[MrCasella]

Ok tell me how to know if someone is bad ?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not sure that you can know for sure but, I decided the person who bullied me likely was because so many of their behaviours aligned: Bigging themselves up whilst putting everyone else down, gaslighting, outright lieing and (falsely) accusing people of things where they became the victim. Roping other people in to their (false) naratives. (Flying monkeys.)

I went from being terrified at the time. Wondering if I was the crazy one and maybe that I had even slept walked to do some of the things they accused me of! Later on though, I realised it was all them. Then, I became puzzled. Why would someone outright lie over and over again, trying to get someone else into trouble? I wondered whether they believed their own lies. I wondered if they were psychotic. Then, I stumbled upon the definition of narcissism and, so many of their behaviours were there. I'll never know for sure of course but, it gave me a huge feeling of validation. That finally, there was some sort of reason for it all.

As for whether someone is toxic or bad, that's tricky. Are they behaving in away that hurts you? I think that's the main thing to acknowledge and to try to get away from. It maybe isn't fair to call many people outright toxic or bad but, I think it's important to realise what effect they be having on us and to protect ourselves accordingly.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I struggle with this too. I can't imagine deliberately and constantly manipulating someone on purpose like narcissists do. I would think it's a boring waste of time. What's the point in hurting someone like that? So it's hard for me to believe that someone in my life could be like that towards me, but it's plainly obvious and it's one reason I just want out of here. I'm trapped in this sh*t.

 

[Let Me Go]

Do they use your vulnerabilities to make you feel bad about yourself? Or credit themselves for your accomplishments which they contributed nothing to? Heres some more help from ai …

Identifying a narcissist who deliberately enjoys making you feel emotionally terrible requires observing patterns of behavior—not just one or two incidents. Here are the key red flags to watch for:

1. They Thrive on Your Pain (Sadistic Narcissism)

• They smirk or seem amused when you're upset, hurt, or crying.
• They provoke you intentionally, then gaslight you ("You're too sensitive, it was just a joke!").
• They remember your vulnerabilities and weaponize them in arguments.

2. They Need Control Over Your Emotions

• Love-bombing → Sudden cruelty: They switch between extreme affection and coldness to keep you off-balance.
• They sabotage your joy: If you're happy, they dismiss it, criticize it, or "one-up" you.
• They isolate you: They cut you off from support systems so you depend on them emotionally.

3. They Lack Empathy (But Fake It When Useful)

• They dismiss your feelings ("Stop overreacting").
• They only "care" when others are watching (performative empathy).
• They blame you for their cruelty ("You made me do this").

4. They Enjoy Your Reactions (Narcissistic Supply)

• They bait you into arguments just to watch you get upset.
• They thrive on drama—your tears, anger, or confusion fuel them.
• They never apologize sincerely, but they might love seeing you beg for one.

5. They See You as an Object, Not a Person

• You're a tool for their ego: Your suffering makes them feel powerful.
• They devalue you (e.g., "Nobody else would put up with you").
• They discard you coldly when they're bored, but may hoover you back later.

Key Question: Are You Better Off Without Them?

If you dread interactions, feel drained, or question your sanity around them—that's your answer. Narcissists rarely change, but you can choose peace.

 

[niceday]

Personally, I'd add that you need to pay attention to people's actions. The problem isn't so much with narcissists themselves, but rather that people let destructive individuals into their lives. Those with healthy self-esteem simply cut them off.
Don't like the person? They don't vibe? Trying to get a reaction out of me? Pull me into something I'm not into? I'm not going to defend them or keep propping up this sinking relationship.

 

[lionetta12]

Ok tell me how to know if someone is bad ?

Knowing 2 people who actually are covert narcissists, I can confirm that the most telling moment is probably when they insult you and start a fight with you over something, push your buttons and your boundaries on purpose until you break down into tears, they will usually have 1 out of 2 reactions afterwards; they will either look at you with a smile and laugh at you while you're distressed and crying or they will look at the ground/avoid eye contact with an annoyed look while complaining that you are just "being dramatic" and start doing other activities like scroll on their phone, start playing music, turn on the TV and increase the volume, etc, to show that they do not care about hurting you and about your pain. They usually do not hug you, say soothing words to you or apologize, unless they realise that they are about to lose you and need to lure you back in.

 

[bankai]

Only over time through your interactions with them can you really find out. You can never be quick to judge anyone.

You'll have to see how they treat you, but also others. You'll have to also see if and how they take advantage of people. Sometimes a bad person might like you and treat you decent, but he or she might Treat other people badly.This is why a lot of people on dates tend to look at how their partner is treating the waiters at their table, etcetera.

 

[eattwinkiesseejesus]

I'd say it takes time and proximity. Didn't know that my husband was one until some time into marriage and living with him.