Discussion How to get over wanting to be in love

[7thundercloud]

Or at least cope with it. I am so insecure in my body, especially when it comes to sexual contact. I don't think I could do that with someone, nor do I really think of doing it with other people. I just want to fall in love with a girl and be head over heels for her, just absolutely bonkers crazy in love. It makes me feel like poop when I think about it. I genuinely think I am unattractive so I find comfort in making up fictional characters in my mind falling in love. Does anyone know how to get over this? Have they? Is it even possible, or can you just make it not eat you up inside?

If theres trans men on here thatd be great too. I sometimes feel so disconnected from my sexuality as a trans man and still connect my feelings with lesbianism. IDFK

 

[Kundalini Guy]

If you are already thinking of CTB'ing you should probably never enter a relationship to begin with. I realize most relationships are a trap in the sense that if you create a family together with someone your freedom is greatly limited including being able to CTB.

 

[laylaN]

If you are already thinking of CTB'ing you should probably never enter a relationship to begin with. I realize most relationships are a trap in the sense that if you create a family together with someone your freedom is greatly limited including being able to CTB.

Disagree, for some people, just having someone be there for them (ie a romantic partner or even just a friend) could help them give life another shot. I'm not advocating for the "I can fix him" mentality but having close relationships is really helpful. The important thing is to not become codependent.

Or at least cope with it. I am so insecure in my body, especially when it comes to sexual contact. I don't think I could do that with someone, nor do I really think of doing it with other people. I just want to fall in love with a girl and be head over heels for her, just absolutely bonkers crazy in love. It makes me feel like poop when I think about it. I genuinely think I am unattractive so I find comfort in making up fictional characters in my mind falling in love.

I relate and unfortunately don't know how to get over it. I have the tendency to idolise people too which makes for a really shitty situation -- almost got caught in a toxic relationship because I was that desperate. Can't type much more atm but you're not alone OP. Also a trans guy btw

 

[KettleKorn]

Disagree, for some people, just having someone be there for them (ie a romantic partner or even just a friend) could help them give life another shot. I'm not advocating for the "I can fix him" mentality but having close relationships is really helpful. The important thing is to not become codependent.


I relate and unfortunately don't know how to get over it. I have the tendency to idolise people too which makes for a really shitty situation -- almost got caught in a toxic relationship because I was that desperate. Can't type much more atm but you're not alone OP. Also a trans guy btw

Not trans but have debilitating codependency issues, if you have these issues a relationship as op described would probably make you more suicidal. That leaves you in a weird limbo, where you want love so bad but if you have these tendencies it could turn toxic really fast. Also just adding to the solidarity here haha, I have no idea how I'm going to break this pattern but I don't think a new love is an answer.

 

[p4nic]

I've been a hopeless romantic for years, always dreaming of living one of those nice love stories you find in books, but at the same time feeling so insecure of who I am and being unable to get close to anyone, so I completely relate to you in that aspect.
I wish I could give you an answer of how to overcome such feelings but I'd be lying.
The only thing I can share at the moment is that whenever I find myself thinking about this, I just wonder "What is that one thing I can work on myself right now that can give me confidence to be with someone in the future?"
I do believe that if I keep working on myself, there will be one day where I'll meet the right person at the right time, so my only task rn is to be as ready as possible for when that time comes.
Hope that this can be a little helpful for you, I wish you lots of strength in your journey.

 

[Punished Mantis]

Or at least cope with it. I am so insecure in my body, especially when it comes to sexual contact. I don't think I could do that with someone, nor do I really think of doing it with other people. I just want to fall in love with a girl and be head over heels for her, just absolutely bonkers crazy in love. It makes me feel like poop when I think about it. I genuinely think I am unattractive so I find comfort in making up fictional characters in my mind falling in love. Does anyone know how to get over this? Have they? Is it even possible, or can you just make it not eat you up inside?

If theres trans men on here thatd be great too. I sometimes feel so disconnected from my sexuality as a trans man and still connect my feelings with lesbianism. IDFK

It goes away with time. Eventually, you hit a point and realize that yeah there may never be hope for you. Do not fall into traps like "falling in love with waifus" or becoming obsessed with an egirl. Behavior like this will just make it worse and it will last longer. You just have to acknowledge reality, work on yourself, and then eventually as time goes on you will accept it with peace. Speaking from experience.

 

[laylaN]

Not trans but have debilitating codependency issues, if you have these issues a relationship as op described would probably make you more suicidal. That leaves you in a weird limbo, where you want love so bad but if you have these tendencies it could turn toxic really fast. Also just adding to the solidarity here haha, I have no idea how I'm going to break this pattern but I don't think a new love is an answer.

You might be right, I wasn't in the right mind writing that ngl I still mostly believe in what I said though, I think having close relationships can help during the recovery process, maybe just not romantic ones if you have this kind of issue. And working on yourself is the best solution

 

[AnnonyBox]

Perhaps you may be on the asexual specteum to some extent, or just want a platonic relationship. Someone once described people from the rural areas of America as 'potato shaped.' If potato people can find love, you can, it's mostly a numbers game. That said, you have to know if you're actually ready for a relationship, most people aren't, which only leads to pain for both people involved.

 

[AshClouds]

Or at least cope with it. I am so insecure in my body, especially when it comes to sexual contact. I don't think I could do that with someone, nor do I really think of doing it with other people. I just want to fall in love with a girl and be head over heels for her, just absolutely bonkers crazy in love. It makes me feel like poop when I think about it. I genuinely think I am unattractive so I find comfort in making up fictional characters in my mind falling in love. Does anyone know how to get over this? Have they? Is it even possible, or can you just make it not eat you up inside?

If theres trans men on here thatd be great too. I sometimes feel so disconnected from my sexuality as a trans man and still connect my feelings with lesbianism. IDFK

You just have to keep reminding yourself about all the bad shit that can happen. Draw on your past experiences and just remember all the things that caused you to hurt the most. Coalesce those memories into a determined drive to be content with not being in a relationship.
Just stay on guard because you could inadvertently develop feelings for someone before you realize it.

 

[SexyIncél]

Something to try: assume your first partners are practice partners. Yeah they'll probably suck, yeah they'll probably be mean. You're just looking for some experience

That means you stop freezing up, you maybe have a little fun, maybe laugh at yourself a bit

You take it seriously, you're SCREWED

 

[ShinigamiApples]

Or at least cope with it. I am so insecure in my body, especially when it comes to sexual contact. I don't think I could do that with someone, nor do I really think of doing it with other people. I just want to fall in love with a girl and be head over heels for her, just absolutely bonkers crazy in love. It makes me feel like poop when I think about it. I genuinely think I am unattractive so I find comfort in making up fictional characters in my mind falling in love. Does anyone know how to get over this? Have they? Is it even possible, or can you just make it not eat you up inside?

If theres trans men on here thatd be great too. I sometimes feel so disconnected from my sexuality as a trans man and still connect my feelings with lesbianism. IDFK

It takes a lot of courage to share these deep feelings and insecurities with others, so kudos to you for opening up. You are not alone in feeling insecure about your body and sexuality. It's okay to take things at your own pace and not rush into anything that you're not comfortable with.

It's also understandable to feel disconnected from your sexuality as a trans man and still connect with lesbianism. It's a complex journey, but know that you are valid and deserving of love and happiness, regardless of how you identify.

As for getting over these feelings. It's important to remember that healing is a process and there is no timeline for it. Be kind and patient with yourself, and know that you are deserving of love and acceptance, always.

 

[Riu]

I feel you

 

[SoftWorries]

My ex was codependent and suicidal. It can turn into abuse and manipulation if the person you're dating can't leave you without you wanting to CTB.

It's better not to involve any other people until you'd be able to handle uncertainty and rejection in a relationship.