Discussion How to get over guilt of traumatizing your loved ones?

[obei]

they will for sure be devestated, I know it. How to make sure they will continue without me?

 

[DrPepper709]

As DeadBattery said, writing an excellent note to explain yourself will put things in perspective. Emphasize that you are finally at peace with yourself, and they will learn to understand.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Frankly, it's never been the slightest hint of a problem for me.

If you want to kill yourself you have to lean into the inherent self-centered nature of the act. There's no way around it.

 

[Argo]

You have some how square the fact that you have value too. We live in a world where we're constantly told that our interests regarding our death, are to be ignored. So that's important to remember. If you hold any of this ... social engineering(or maybe gaslighting), then that is going cause a very strong internal conflict in you.

You have to be the adult of your life and figure out what you're going to do. How would you view this in an extreme scenario? Imagine someone who is 85, and very ill and in pain. But due to the wonders of modern medicine, they can be kept alive for... maybe another 10 years. Another 10 years of being a piss, shit, and pain factory. They are not living, lets be clear. But they were a crucial person in their family. To their children, and their children's children. They are visited regularly, which is very rare for such a person. They are constantly reminded how much their family loves them, values them, cares for them. This makes things a little easier, but the fundamental problem is still here: This is not a dignified life, and anyone who would live it, would immediately understand. Yet they tell themselves, "I feel so guilty, my family is going to be devastated" It's good that they do, it says that they are probably a good person, with a good family.

But what is the right thing to do here? Should this person live on for another 10 years? If the 85 year old person died, yes, the family's grief would be real and valid, but it would ultimately need to be resolved with the greater context of the situation: The weight of suffering that is on the sick person. Wouldn't you call it a little strange if the family drowned in guilt for the rest of their lives for letting this old person die 10 years early? It would show a confusion about how much pain they were in.


For someone who is not terminally ill, and not old, I really don't think the situation is terribly different. The main difference is dramatic recovery is much more realistic for a person who is much younger. So for me personally, it's really just about resolving that part. And then the scenario becomes very similar.

 

[lament.]

I don't really think there is a good way to get over it. But, for myself I just think that if I carry on living with them out of fear of the guilt it will cause, I will never be happy anyway, and are they going to be happy either having such a depressed child? No, probably not, and I doubt they ever will. If I don't CTB I will grow old having done nothing with my life living like a parasite to my family. I know they will be devastated, but the pain I would cause them from living would likely be just as bad.

So I guess either try to think logically about it or as a few others mentioned here, do it the emotional way through notes, messages and try to create a reason that they can understand and empathize with, rather than feel guilt over.