Help how to get out of the pink before getting into the red

[psp3000]

I find this thermometer to be very useful because I am not good with labeling how I feel

but my question is how do you stay out of the pink ? I used to be in the indigo/blue/purple

my plan was to get a job, try to seek help or get better/try to get better (therapist/being put on medications), and then if those things don't work or help I was going to leave

but I find myself getting impatient when bad things happen/when things get worse or when the same things happen to me over and over

I can only see and feel like those things are a sign to start planning leaving and putting time and effort into leaving (buying things and making arrangements and detaching or trying to put on an act so then no one figures anything out or remembers me being positive or completely fine and normal)

I find being in the pink very scary and now all my mind wants to do it jump to the end and abandon the plan to seek help and then make a final decision

it has gotten so bad that I have considered doing a much more easily accessible painful to imagine method that I do not want to do

and not considering the people I would traumatize by doing the method that is easily accessible

or doing my original method in a place other people reside in rather than a nice place far away from everyone where I won't traumatize everyone or be looked for or found like in my original plan/draft

I even found myself saving money without the intent to save it for my method

but now when I look at what I've saved the first thing that comes to mind when I decide to spend it is buying things for departure/leaving and then everything else (wants, fun, rainy day stuff) is a complete after thought or I just want nothing that will bring me joy/contentness or distract me at all

 

[TooConscious]

You are very self analytical and I think you are the best person to get your answer from. All the best