How to forgive myself?

[suicidebabyseal]

I've been talking to my therapist and she says I should forgive myself for the times I have not chose wisely. I don't know how. I wish I knew how to forgive myself for the things I've done wrongly or the ones I have not done at all. It breaks my heart everytime just to think about it. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

I've been struggling with anxiety and self-loathing related to my poor work ethic and feeling like I'm letting others down.

There are 2 things that helped me to feel better:
- Deliberately do small silly mistakes from time to time and forgive yourself for it. Like, call an elevator to a wrong floor, break a cup or wave and yell "hey" to a random person. Also self-indulgent things like extra break with stretching and short walks and whatnot.
- Accept that shit happens, stop thinking in terms of right or wrong and start thinking in terms of cause and desirable/undesirable effect. I practiced this by reading news and try to figure out why did X happen and what lead to this. Also stopped myself any time I start to judge myself or others.

The results are modest, but they are : I'm still an asshole narcissist, but I've learned to stop when my actions lead to only mutual frustration and I also feel less anxious about general future and my work.

I don't know if it is useful in your situation. Good luck with your therapy.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Sometimes I find it helps to imagine myself as another person and consider what I would say to them if they had done what I had done. I find that I'm often way more harsh on myself than I'd ever be to other people, and realizing that the way I'm judging myself is ridiculous helps me stop doing it so much.

 

[Wallace]

Try Forgive For Good by Fred Luskin.

 

[timf]

Forgiveness is a major component in relationship and restoration. It can be difficult to try to apply it within yourself. Perhaps a better view might be to use the shame and guilt for having done something wrong to learn, motivate to do better, and recognize the need to make restitution, apology, or express contrition.

However, once everything useful has been extracted, shame and guilt can be left behind. Holding on to it may indicate a problem with a sort of self-harm, need to feel control, or even reduce anxiety. These dynamics should be investigated to see if what is being retained is done so in an unhealthy way.

If we take more of a learning and improving model of life, we may have an easier time letting go of past mistakes. If we use a failing or error model of life, we can more easily see ourselves as defective.

 

[Despondent]

Just keep in mind that we all make mistakes. Just imagine if we all made good decisions. This world would be almost perfect.

The first step to forgiving YOURSELF is to accept the things that you have done. Not the things that others have done -- but this doesn't mean that you can't forgive others. When you forgive yourself for past decisions, I think you'll learn to accept yourself a little more than you may already. I have a lot of forgiving to do in myself so I think that I'll be searching for forgiveness in myself too.

Much love

 

[TheSoulless]

You did what you thought was best at the time. Sometimes decisions turn out to be good, sometimes bad. You don't intentionally make a bad decision, right?

 

[Thinking]

Your post really resonates with me. I, too, am struggling to forgive myself. I don't know how to forgive myself, and I often don't want to forgive myself. It's a difficult thing we must learn how to do

 

[Fedrea]

I've been talking to my therapist and she says I should forgive myself for the times I have not chose wisely. I don't know how. I wish I knew how to forgive myself for the things I've done wrongly or the ones I have not done at all. It breaks my heart everytime just to think about it. I don't know what to do anymore.

I could have written this

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If we take more of a learning and improving model of life, we may have an easier time letting go of past mistakes. If we use a failing or error model of life, we can more easily see ourselves as defective.

This.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Sometimes I find it helps to imagine myself as another person and consider what I would say to them if they had done what I had done. I find that I'm often way more harsh on myself than I'd ever be to other people, and realizing that the way I'm judging myself is ridiculous helps me stop doing it so much.

That is incredibly good advice. Thank you for that.

 

[so tired or manic]

what helps me get through guilt is I remind myself at one point I wanted to do it. there would have been no changing my mind and you can't fix the past. you can progress forward and move on from what once was. that mindset helps me to realize there were so many things out of my control so going forward I can help to mold the next adventure to be a better one.

learn from instead of latch onto the past.

 

[CC123]

Look at literature used by 12-step programs.
Preparing for forgiveness and working on forgiving are important steps.
Best wishes and stay safe.

 

[jgm63]

I've been talking to my therapist and she says I should forgive myself for the times I have not chose wisely. I don't know how. I wish I knew how to forgive myself for the things I've done wrongly or the ones I have not done at all. It breaks my heart everytime just to think about it. I don't know what to do anymore.

It's a process that you work on over time.
Plus, if you make fewer of the previous mistakes then that will speed things along.
Also, if you can have more compassion for others then you'll be more able to have it for yourself....

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I wish i knew. I think others even forgave me for all my mistakes and failures. Its just me who is left it seems. But i just cant forgive myself for anything. I dont think it would be fair for some reason.

 

[erato76]

It's a process that you work on over time.
Plus, if you make fewer of the previous mistakes then that will speed things along.
Also, if you can have more compassion for others then you'll be more able to have it for yourself....

contact with me, please

 

[Tired_Tired]

She tried to tell you if you have more empathy, sympathy and gratitude you will be more happy; unfortunately, most of human beings are greedy. You can try be a vegetarian first.

 

[Tired_Tired]

To say is one thing, to do is another.

 

[signifying nothing]

Maybe you need to look at what you did or didn't do in the context of what was happening at those times in your life. Things happen in reaction to the situation you find yourself in, so you cannot bear sole responsibility for them.

Things do not take place in a vacuum, cause and effect are not as simple as people make out. There are many more things involved in what happens every day than we can know.