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enduringwinter

enduringwinter

flower, water
Jun 20, 2024
113
I have lived a highly unusual and crappy life, I am turning 32 soon and feel extremely beaten. As I have talked about in other posts, I do not have citizenship, and I am abused by a very complicated family. There has not been a single moment in my life where I do not struggle with basic safety and human rights, strained to find temporary solutions to prolong survivability. When I was younger, I could work hard, endure and think better even in my exhaustion but now I am completely non-functional. The past 6 years have especially been bad as I have not been able to do anything other than suffer in isolation, the only normal/average thing I have which is my mind has completely erroded. Whether it is thinking, talking or other such stuff, I am crippled now. The more important thing is I am just so exhausted (I also have a physical chronic illness).

All of the above is just to give an idea of the kind of pit I am in, my life is very unusual and normal advices like therapy are not going to cut it. The thing is, I really want to shoot my last shot at a plan to improve my life before catching the bus, and for that I need to gather a good amount of energy. If anyone (esp. my age and older) has any experience with getting oneself together from such a sorry state, please kindly give me advices. It's probably similar to finding strength to apply for jobs after years of unemployment and abuse if that helps. Sorry for the confusing stream of conciousness typing I'm ESL, sleep deprived and stupid.
 
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