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Have_a_nice_Life

Have_a_nice_Life

Member
Feb 22, 2024
49
Everything is so confusing.
How to describe what you're feeling to someone else. My mood brutally shifts every hours. It's like a new person takes control everytime forgetting the hardships of the previous one. My pain is elusive, it's complex, i don't know for the most part why i'm in such pain.
I have MDD but how therapy could even help me if my mood depends on chemicals rather than logic. I can't argue with my feelings, as much as i try to find logic and to dig for answers, the answers altough true don't help me shut down the pain.
The pain is just here and cannot be shut down as if it was a real pain from a physical affliction.
How can you use logic to calm down pain from an open wound ? You simply can't, and that's the same with depression.

My brain needs to be fixed, not my mind.
But then how to get help, how to explain. I write down everything down to the most minute detail. My brain is always overwhelmed by thoughts to the point where i cannot function (a.k.a ruminations).

Everything is so confusing, there is no answer no precise source (even if there's probably multiple).
Everything merges together in my brain leaving only a pile of mush.

weird. can't describe what i'm feeling anymore.
Can't bear to live but too scared to die.
I've lost hope in everything. motionless state.
I don't know what i'm feeling.
I feel pain but it's quieter, underlying but yet i can't enjoy anything of course music nor videos nor whatever.
I'm stuck in my brain, ruminations control me.
Maybe i fried my brain.
Can't feel anything anymore.(anhedonia)
Depression is the inability to feel anything anymore.
Yet i felt intense pain before (days ago for a span of several months) , now i'm adrift. I still can't get out of bed / can't eat / can't enjoy / feel useless.
It's just so weird, i have everything ready to ctb in my perfectly arranged box. Suicide is still on my mind. But the intense pain i felt has gone quieter and has been substituted by this motionless / comatose state.

Those mood swings have been the culprit of my guilt, of my never ending quest for truth. Everytime the pain slightly subsides i feel like a fraud again like all of this never happened. I forget everything, my mental state entierly changes.


How can i describe what i feel if it changes everyday. If i can't trust what i feel. I'm in a comatose state. I just don't feel anything except a slight pain.

I just keep thinking thinking all the time until i get lost in my thoughts i don't know what's true or false anymore, what's real or fake. I've lost touch with who i am, who are the persons i know, what i want.MY grip on reality is gone. I'm in a motionless state. In stasis, adrift in space. My mind won't shut up.

My point is that i want to get better but i don't know how. I'm soon going to be accepted into a psy-ward. Because until Yesterday i wanted to kill myself until i tried and have been confrontes with the intense fear of death. So now i'm lost. I don't even know what i expect from my stay there.
But i wanna try to make the best of it, so how can i communicate what i'm feeling if it's so confusing / complex/ ever-changing even if i wrote down EVRYTHING on a daily basis.

Is it normal ? Do you relate ? Do you feel confused and struggle to express what's troubling you ? Do you feel guilt for not advancing, for not knowing all the time, for not having it figured out ? Do you feel like a fraud because you want to advance but nothing changes ? Because your issues seem to be intangible. Because normal people move on easely and you, you're stuck and you don't know why, you feel inadequate, too sensitive, like you're just lazy even thought the pain makes you want to kill yourself and you've done everything in that regard.
Do you still feel illegitimate ? Because you can't always explain why you feel like this ?



Not as much pain yet i still have suicide on my mind. Everything is so conf
using
 
Last edited:
Have_a_nice_Life

Have_a_nice_Life

Member
Feb 22, 2024
49
please can someone answer and tell me this is normal ?
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Kit1
cosmic_traveler

cosmic_traveler

Eternal Spirit Experiencing a Human Moment
Dec 23, 2023
234
Everything is so confusing.
How to describe what you're feeling to someone else. My mood brutally shifts every hours. It's like a new person takes control everytime forgetting the hardships of the previous one. My pain is elusive, it's complex, i don't know for the most part why i'm in such pain.
I have MDD but how therapy could even help me if my mood depends on chemicals rather than logic. I can't argue with my feelings, as much as i try to find logic and to dig for answers, the answers altough true don't help me shut down the pain.
The pain is just here and cannot be shut down as if it was a real pain from a physical affliction.
How can you use logic to calm down pain from an open wound ? You simply can't, and that's the same with depression.

My brain needs to be fixed, not my mind.
But then how to get help, how to explain. I write down everything down to the most minute detail. My brain is always overwhelmed by thoughts to the point where i cannot function (a.k.a ruminations).

Everything is so confusing, there is no answer no precise source (even if there's probably multiple).
Everything merges together in my brain leaving only a pile of mush.

weird. can't describe what i'm feeling anymore.
Can't bear to live but too scared to die.
I've lost hope in everything. motionless state.
I don't know what i'm feeling.
I feel pain but it's quieter, underlying but yet i can't enjoy anything of course music nor videos nor whatever.
I'm stuck in my brain, ruminations control me.
Maybe i fried my brain.
Can't feel anything anymore.(anhedonia)
Depression is the inability to feel anything anymore.
Yet i felt intense pain before (days ago for a span of several months) , now i'm adrift. I still can't get out of bed / can't eat / can't enjoy / feel useless.
It's just so weird, i have everything ready to ctb in my perfectly arranged box. Suicide is still on my mind. But the intense pain i felt has gone quieter and has been substituted by this motionless / comatose state.

Those mood swings have been the culprit of my guilt, of my never ending quest for truth. Everytime the pain slightly subsides i feel like a fraud again like all of this never happened. I forget everything, my mental state entierly changes.


How can i describe what i feel if it changes everyday. If i can't trust what i feel. I'm in a comatose state. I just don't feel anything except a slight pain.

I just keep thinking thinking all the time until i get lost in my thoughts i don't know what's true or false anymore, what's real or fake. I've lost touch with who i am, who are the persons i know, what i want.MY grip on reality is gone. I'm in a motionless state. In stasis, adrift in space. My mind won't shut up.

My point is that i want to get better but i don't know how. I'm soon going to be accepted into a psy-ward. Because until Yesterday i wanted to kill myself until i tried and have been confrontes with the intense fear of death. So now i'm lost. I don't even know what i expect from my stay there.
But i wanna try to make the best of it, so how can i communicate what i'm feeling if it's so confusing / complex/ ever-changing even if i wrote down EVRYTHING on a daily basis.

Is it normal ? Do you relate ? Do you feel confused and struggle to express what's troubling you ? Do you feel guilt for not advancing, for not knowing all the time, for not having it figured out ? Do you feel like a fraud because you want to advance but nothing changes ? Because your issues seem to be intangible. Because normal people move on easely and you, you're stuck and you don't know why, you feel inadequate, too sensitive, like you're just lazy even thought the pain makes you want to kill yourself and you've done everything in that regard.
Do you still feel illegitimate ? Because you can't always explain why you feel like this ?



Not as much pain yet i still have suicide on my mind. Everything is so conf
using

You're not wrong. It. Doesn't. Make. Sense.

This world is in a chaotic state. Arguably, there has never been a more chaotic time outside of mass extinction events. It doesn't help when our already feeble brains are afflicted with damage or disease.

The very best advice we can think to offer is, fuck the world. The best anyone can hope for in this world is to carve out their own slice where they can find comfort. We can't tell you what that looks like because it's different for us all.

Don't work well with people? Find something working with animals. Can't find professionals to speak with? Find a workshop for a topic you enjoy (cooking, roleplay, pottery, painting). Don't surround yourself with people who don't understand you, surround yourself with people who enjoy something that gives you joy.

Big hugs. Be well on your journey.
 
Last edited:
K

Kit1

Enlightened
Oct 24, 2023
1,022
I really respect you for the work, positivity and determination in getting better and I am so sorry that you are going through so much. Cosmic-traveler has offered some.practical positive ideas and I am glad that you are reaching out for medical help - hopefully that will help. In the interim period, have you also tried practising mindfulness, yoga, meditation, grounding techniques etc? Wishing you all the Best and sending you lots of good luck and hugs.
 
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Reactions: Have_a_nice_Life
Have_a_nice_Life

Have_a_nice_Life

Member
Feb 22, 2024
49
I really respect you for the work, positivity and determination in getting better and I am so sorry that you are going through so much. Cosmic-traveler has offered some.practical positive ideas and I am glad that you are reaching out for medical help - hopefully that will help. In the interim period, have you also tried practising mindfulness, yoga, meditation, grounding techniques etc? Wishing you all the Best and sending you lots of good luck and hugs.
Thanks for your answer. I've tried a lot indeed. But i'm struggling with confusion, guilt and feeling of inadequacy regarding my depression.
I was wishing for some people suffering from depression to relate so i don't feel like i'm crazy/ too sensitive / bitching / weird.
Thanks to all
 
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Reactions: grahf and Kit1

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