how to finally make up my mind

[flyinghigh]

i think the only thing stopping me is the thought that "what if it gets better", i hate that i have internalised the fact that there is a chance it will get better for me given i'm young.. but also i have a decade's worth of experience which tells me it won't and my only way out is ctb.
so i guess.. how do i finally come to terms with it that i just need to let go

 

[FuneralCry]

After all only you know when the time is right for you to leave, I think that many people who manage to go through with ctb despite all the difficulties involved in leaving just get so determined to be free, I admire them a lot.

But anyway the fact is that any hope in this world is just a delusion to lead to more suffering once one is forced to confront reality, the truth is that existing truly is something hopeless, we are destined for nowhere but to suffer, decay and lose everything but in death everything will finally be forgotten about, it truly is so horrible existing in a world where there's unlimited potential to suffer so endlessly.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You will feel when the time has come and there is no hope left for things to turn better. I have reached this point since years and nothing became any better only worse. Wish you all the best!

 

[MusicEnjoyer:D]

I don't know if this is the answer you are looking for, but I don't think it's correct to force yourself to see ctb as the only way out.

If you do have other posibilities, maybe you could try exploring them first. Then, if you still find that life is not worth living, you can catch the bus.

I hope you find the peace that you deserve.

 

[flyinghigh]

You will feel when the time has come and there is no hope left for things to turn better. I have reached this point since years and nothing became any better only worse. Wish you all the best!

I don't know if this is the answer you are looking for, but I don't think it's correct to force yourself to see ctb as the only way out.

If you do have other posibilities, maybe you could try exploring them first. Then, if you still find that life is not worth living, you can catch the bus.

I hope you find the peace that you deserve.

idk it never seems to get better for me and regardless of what i do i never seem to be feeling any sort of joy or happiness
it has gotten exhausting and i just wish that i had the guts to finally leave everything behind bec being "hopeful" about the future has only brought me more pain

 

[tfnb]

One of my favourite Louis CK lines is something like best case scenario you find the love of your life, you get 50 good years together, then one of you dies and the other loses their best friend and now lives out the rest of their days alone

 

[MusicEnjoyer:D]

idk it never seems to get better for me and regardless of what i do i never seem to be feeling any sort of joy or happiness
it has gotten exhausting and i just wish that i had the guts to finally leave everything behind bec being "hopeful" about the future has only brought me more pain

I understand. When I was your age I felt the same. And despite all my efforts I was never really able to take off. All the hope is gone from my part.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Evidently, you still have Hope. There's (probably) nothing you can really do until all Hope dies. Unfortunately, you don't get to decide that. Hope is a fickle bitch. Hope leaves when Hope is good and ready to leave.