jump from height
I'm at a point where my priority is to die with a peace of mind than a peaceful pill. Ofcourse both would be nice. The narrative about me once I'm gone really does affect my willingness to go. If i know the narrative would be honest, I'd die in peace. If it's one where I'm depicted as a coward who hadn't put up a fight, it would be hard for me to pull the trigger.
Hence my yearning desire to just disappear. Have them know I'm still alive, but on my own. Somehow try to survive. My current envrionment is really the death of me more than anything. If I have to live, I need to live in peace.
If you don't mind me asking, what illness are you dealing with and what is your age?
Undiagnosed, but think autoimmune like symptoms. Gives me tinnitus, vertigo, muscle pain, dry eyes, teeth pain, brain fog, fatigue (insane fatigue). It's hard to function. I had a very bad reaction to medicine used to suppress the immune system as well, which left me with other problems.
I don't want to give away my age since we cannot delete posts on here, but "young" covers it well. Young adult.
I haven't listed all the symptoms and it's nowhere near as bad as what other people have put up with. But so much of the life I imagined for myself is interrupted.
It weighs heavy on my heart knowing I might have to just deal with this burden as it worsens.
It's only been a few months but I've kept track of the damage to my body. It's frustrating. It's not enough to kill me. Just enough to hurt me and make every day a little bit harder than the last. It torments me.
I don't want to work and constantly have to deal with all these issues all at once. It's just so frustrating. So much stress.