P

Perpetually99

Member
Feb 2, 2021
24
I have persistent health problems, and no quality of life. I have been fighting for a semblance of a life for over 12 years. My best years have been taken from me. I cannot CTB because of the impact it will have on my family.

My illness is not in any way terminal. It just robs your life force, and makes you waste away over many decades. I am 30, and can live like this until my 70s.

Is there anything I can do that can potentially expedite natural death?

Thank You.
 
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EraseRewind

EraseRewind

Circling the drain
May 13, 2020
225
If you ever find a real answer to this please share. I'm so tired of the fight against my mental illness.

Today is the first time in a while I felt like lying down and just giving up, I'm worthless, no value to anyone.
 
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Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Nov 30, 2020
2,050
You would have to find out what makes your conditions worse and then deliberately do that. A number of years ago I deliberately made my diabetes worse in the hope it would kill me. Nearly worked but I had to stop for personal reasons.
 
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GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Autistic loser
Jan 26, 2021
5,739
Fuck that's rough. I believe the Netherlands and Switzerland might do it, idk. Lol I'm almost tearing up now, no joke. So 18-30 of just suffering?
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,164
Well, they say having eating disorders, smoking, and drinking in excess make you die faster!
I've probably lost like 20 years of life because of alcohol lol
 
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GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Autistic loser
Jan 26, 2021
5,739
I've probably lost like 20 years of life because of alcohol lol
AdobeStock_298163365-scaled.jpeg
 
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N

noname223

Angelic
Aug 18, 2020
4,974
It sounds like an attractive idea but it might just fucks up your life quality even more. I thought about it too. I have to take medication that reduce your life span 10 years. But there are a lot of side effects.
 
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Perpetually99

Member
Feb 2, 2021
24
Yeah I would ideally like to die in a hospital bed surrounded by loved ones. And with peace of mind knowing my family will be able to get over it.

My family will forever be full of shame and resentment if I CTB.

I just want to die with peace of mind.
 
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greyhound

greyhound

Arcanist
Oct 8, 2020
471
The only thing that comes to mind would be to somehow get on the wrong side of Vladimir Putin.
 
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greyhound

greyhound

Arcanist
Oct 8, 2020
471
Joking aside, I'm more or less in the same boat as you. Chronically ill but it unfortunately won't kill me just has slowly destroyed my life and turned me into a hollow shell of my former self.

I think your only realistic hope to shield your loved ones would be to fake an accidental death, drowning would probably be the easiest. But this would obviously not be be the pleasant death you're wishing for.

I've thought about doing this as the water here is very cold and drowning accidents aren't infrequent. But drowning terrifies me and my family know I'm suicidal anyway so no one would be fooled.
 
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Perpetually99

Member
Feb 2, 2021
24
I have a prior CTB attempt that only my direct family knows about. If I am involved in anything suspicious, it'll be hard to fool them.

I am wondering if something accidental like drowning happens, will my past CTB attempt have the coroner automatically conclude that my death was a suicide? I was in a psych ward for 3 weeks because of my CTB attempt, so its on record.

I live across the street from the beach, so it's possible to enact this. I'm just wondering what the narrative will be once i'm gone..
 
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D

D0wn4nd0ut

Member
Feb 11, 2021
43
I have a prior CTB attempt that only my direct family knows about. If I am involved in anything suspicious, it'll be hard to fool them.

I am wondering if something accidental like drowning happens, will my past CTB attempt have the coroner automatically conclude that my death was a suicide? I was in a psych ward for 3 weeks because of my CTB attempt, so its on record.

I live across the street from the beach, so it's possible to enact this. I'm just wondering what the narrative will be once i'm gone..
What happened with the last attempt if you don't mind me asking
 
greyhound

greyhound

Arcanist
Oct 8, 2020
471
I have a prior CTB attempt that only my direct family knows about. If I am involved in anything suspicious, it'll be hard to fool them.

I am wondering if something accidental like drowning happens, will my past CTB attempt have the coroner automatically conclude that my death was a suicide? I was in a psych ward for 3 weeks because of my CTB attempt, so its on record.

I live across the street from the beach, so it's possible to enact this. I'm just wondering what the narrative will be once i'm gone..

I also wonder about this. How much investigation is really done? I guess probably more in the case of accidental to prove it wasn't a homicide. Cut and dry suicides with a note are probably open and closed. My other idea is some kind of hiking accident. The problem with trying to fake an accidental death is that it's pretty much going to be the opposite of a peaceful pill. Would have to either drown or undergo some kind of trauma and bleed out.
 
T

the_final_countdown

Specialist
Dec 29, 2020
337
Yeah I would ideally like to die in a hospital bed surrounded by loved ones. And with peace of mind knowing my family will be able to get over it.

My family will forever be full of shame and resentment if I CTB.

I just want to die with peace of mind.
I'm in a similar boat. A reduced quality of life because of illness. A hospital bed is my deepest desire.

If I'm lucky, my illness might actually kill me one day, but the odds are low.

Even if it did happen, I'd likely just survive with a reduced quality of life.

It's hard. It's challenging. I don't get a lot of enjoyment from life anymore. But I don't have the resolve to go.

If I was in my 70s, I could rough it out. I really could. But being so young, expected to work, to participate in life for decades. It's such a heavy cross to bear.
 
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Perpetually99

Member
Feb 2, 2021
24
What happened with the last attempt if you don't mind me asking
jump from height
I also wonder about this. How much investigation is really done? I guess probably more in the case of accidental to prove it wasn't a homicide. Cut and dry suicides with a note are probably open and closed. My other idea is some kind of hiking accident. The problem with trying to fake an accidental death is that it's pretty much going to be the opposite of a peaceful pill. Would have to either drown or undergo some kind of trauma and bleed out.
I'm at a point where my priority is to die with a peace of mind than a peaceful pill. Ofcourse both would be nice. The narrative about me once I'm gone really does affect my willingness to go. If i know the narrative would be honest, I'd die in peace. If it's one where I'm depicted as a coward who hadn't put up a fight, it would be hard for me to pull the trigger.

Hence my yearning desire to just disappear. Have them know I'm still alive, but on my own. Somehow try to survive. My current envrionment is really the death of me more than anything. If I have to live, I need to live in peace.
I'm in a similar boat. A reduced quality of life because of illness. A hospital bed is my deepest desire.

If I'm lucky, my illness might actually kill me one day, but the odds are low.

Even if it did happen, I'd likely just survive with a reduced quality of life.

It's hard. It's challenging. I don't get a lot of enjoyment from life anymore. But I don't have the resolve to go.

If I was in my 70s, I could rough it out. I really could. But being so young, expected to work, to participate in life for decades. It's such a heavy cross to bear.
If you don't mind me asking, what illness are you dealing with and what is your age?
 
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greyhound

greyhound

Arcanist
Oct 8, 2020
471
jump from height

I'm at a point where my priority is to die with a peace of mind than a peaceful pill. Ofcourse both would be nice. The narrative about me once I'm gone really does affect my willingness to go. If i know the narrative would be honest, I'd die in peace. If it's one where I'm depicted as a coward who hadn't put up a fight, it would be hard for me to pull the trigger.

I've been thinking about this too. Life for me is so painful it's like does it really matter whether I suffer a bit more during the dying process? I find people here are so obsessed with N but it's like at the end of the day almost no natural deaths are as easy as N. I also want to protect my loved ones. They might know it was suicide, but if they are able to tell other people it was just a tragic death it would likely be a lot easier for them.

Also it's hard for me to accept the narrative of my life ending in suicide as far as certain past casual acquaintances are concerned. I almost feel like some people might derive some kind of satisfaction from it like they knew I was ultimately going to fuck up my life.
 
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T

the_final_countdown

Specialist
Dec 29, 2020
337
jump from height

I'm at a point where my priority is to die with a peace of mind than a peaceful pill. Ofcourse both would be nice. The narrative about me once I'm gone really does affect my willingness to go. If i know the narrative would be honest, I'd die in peace. If it's one where I'm depicted as a coward who hadn't put up a fight, it would be hard for me to pull the trigger.

Hence my yearning desire to just disappear. Have them know I'm still alive, but on my own. Somehow try to survive. My current envrionment is really the death of me more than anything. If I have to live, I need to live in peace.

If you don't mind me asking, what illness are you dealing with and what is your age?
Undiagnosed, but think autoimmune like symptoms. Gives me tinnitus, vertigo, muscle pain, dry eyes, teeth pain, brain fog, fatigue (insane fatigue). It's hard to function. I had a very bad reaction to medicine used to suppress the immune system as well, which left me with other problems.

I don't want to give away my age since we cannot delete posts on here, but "young" covers it well. Young adult.

I haven't listed all the symptoms and it's nowhere near as bad as what other people have put up with. But so much of the life I imagined for myself is interrupted.

It weighs heavy on my heart knowing I might have to just deal with this burden as it worsens.

It's only been a few months but I've kept track of the damage to my body. It's frustrating. It's not enough to kill me. Just enough to hurt me and make every day a little bit harder than the last. It torments me.

I don't want to work and constantly have to deal with all these issues all at once. It's just so frustrating. So much stress.
 
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P

Perpetually99

Member
Feb 2, 2021
24
Yes I have thought about this too. Even if my direct family suspects it may be a suicide, if they can tell other people I tragically drowned, it will be easier for them. As opposed to an obvious CTB. And if I have to suffer a little bit more in the process, so be it. They kept my previous CTB attempt a secret because of the shame, I'm sure they could do it here as well.
Undiagnosed, but think autoimmune like symptoms. Gives me tinnitus, vertigo, muscle pain, dry eyes, teeth pain, brain fog, fatigue (insane fatigue). It's hard to function. I had a very bad reaction to medicine used to suppress the immune system as well, which left me with other problems.

I don't want to give away my age since we cannot delete posts on here, but "young" covers it well. Young adult.

I haven't listed all the symptoms and it's nowhere near as bad as what other people have put up with. But so much of the life I imagined for myself is interrupted.

It weighs heavy on my heart knowing I might have to just deal with this burden as it worsens.

It's only been a few months but I've kept track of the damage to my body. It's frustrating. It's not enough to kill me. Just enough to hurt me and make every day a little bit harder than the last. It torments me.

I don't want to work and constantly have to deal with all these issues all at once. It's just so frustrating. So much stress.
Sounds like a lot of my issues and what many people with debilitating invisible conditions like ME/CFS deal with. I think the attached emotional turmoil puts you over the edge. If we had diagnosed issues, I feel like it would be easier to live with and to deal with. I spend countless hours trying to explain and justify my pain and my actions, that are due to this illness. It's exhausting.

I lost 2 friends to CTB that were in a similar boat. It takes its toll...
 
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CatabolicSeed

CatabolicSeed

they/them
Feb 19, 2020
263
Smoking generally does that if you're able.
 

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