Discussion How to desensitize yourself to make this process easier?

[Nanako]

I apologize in advance for any potential errors/oddities in my writing, as English is not my first language. So anyway, long story short, I'm having to deal with an incurable condition regarding my eye-sight that has killed any desire I may have had to keep on living. I've tried to ignore it to the best of my ability, to no avail. The discomfort that it brings is far too much and I no longer have the desire to indulge in the activities that once were a great source of pleasure for me. Having to accept that there's no solution for this problem has been hard enough for me to deal with, but here comes the main issue: my parents would be soul-crushed if I were to go through with it. I get that this shouldn't matter, and that'll I'll be too dead to care about the after-effects of my suicide, but this is just the way humans are, we beat ourselves over irrational things like this due to certain evolutionary pressures ingrained in our DNA, it can't be helped.

So my question is this... What do you do to suppress the feelings that make you want to give up on suicide, even though it's what you truly desire? Is it something you repeat on your head over and over, maybe a technique etc?

 

[Tonight634]

Honestly I am in need of that answer right now too...I wanted to hang myself just a few minutes ago and then I remembered I have cats back at home they're so sweet and they're keeping me here...I wonder if we didn't have them maybe I'd finally go through with it

 

[Snake of Eden]

I dont know if looking at gore would help desensitize you somehow about all whats related to death and repulsion from it

 

[FuneralCry]

I never want to give up on suicide, I want nothing to do with life and there is nothing that would ever make me want to stay. The thought of suicide is always there, but I am still here because the act of ctb itself is difficult. We are denied the peaceful methods. Also after all, even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive. I just tell myself that if I ctb I will be free of all suffering and I will be at peace. If I ctb, I will not have to put up with this life anymore. The thought of no longer being alive is such a comforting one. I know that eventually I will get desperate enough to go through with it.

 

[Onthe29th]

This was a little easier for me then most. My mom is shallow and only loves me if I'm doing well. My bf loves me no matter what but if I'm not doing well, I can't support him financially anymore. He's able bodied by the way, we've dated for 10 years and he's been unemployed most of our relationship. It's not hard to choose ctb over them even if I do care about them.

 

[Crocodiledundee]

I apologize in advance for any potential errors/oddities in my writing, as English is not my first language. So anyway, long story short, I'm having to deal with an incurable condition regarding my eye-sight that has killed any desire I may have had to keep on living. I've tried to ignore it to the best of my ability, to no avail. The discomfort that it brings is far too much and I no longer have the desire to indulge in the activities that once were a great source of pleasure for me. Having to accept that there's no solution for this problem has been hard enough for me to deal with, but here comes the main issue: my parents would be soul-crushed if I were to go through with it. I get that this shouldn't matter, and that'll I'll be too dead to care about the after-effects of my suicide, but this is just the way humans are, we beat ourselves over irrational things like this due to certain evolutionary pressures ingrained in our DNA, it can't be helped.

So my question is this... What do you do to suppress the feelings that make you want to give up on suicide, even though it's what you truly desire? Is it something you repeat on your head over and over, maybe a technique etc?

You speak english better than most Americans lol

 

[LADY007]

I apologize in advance for any potential errors/oddities in my writing, as English is not my first language. So anyway, long story short, I'm having to deal with an incurable condition regarding my eye-sight that has killed any desire I may have had to keep on living. I've tried to ignore it to the best of my ability, to no avail. The discomfort that it brings is far too much and I no longer have the desire to indulge in the activities that once were a great source of pleasure for me. Having to accept that there's no solution for this problem has been hard enough for me to deal with, but here comes the main issue: my parents would be soul-crushed if I were to go through with it. I get that this shouldn't matter, and that'll I'll be too dead to care about the after-effects of my suicide, but this is just the way humans are, we beat ourselves over irrational things like this due to certain evolutionary pressures ingrained in our DNA, it can't be helped.

So my question is this... What do you do to suppress the feelings that make you want to give up on suicide, even though it's what you truly desire? Is it something you repeat on your head over and over, maybe a technique etc?

First.. I recognized, of all the methods, exit bag scares me the least. Nebutol would be best but I can't acquire it. I chose hanging at first but quickly learned I would chicken out totally from that one even though my basement is perfect for that. So.. Knowing that.. When the time comes.. I am going to concentrate on the future reality that scares me more than the exit bag... ie.. go to a nursing home and put myself in their place.. (Especially the people who have no relatives) Actions like this that make it real.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I apologize in advance for any potential errors/oddities in my writing, as English is not my first language. So anyway...

Your English skills are exemplary. As for the feelings that make you want to give up on suicide, perhaps you're not quite ready? Are those feelings decreasing over time as your eyesight conditions grow worse? Not wanting to soul-crush your parents is pretty understandable. Could you wait them out? Once they're dead, there would be zero soul-crushing. Or prepare them so it wouldn't hit them so hard?

What do you do to suppress the feelings that make you want to give up on suicide, even though it's what you truly desire?

It honestly sounds like you're conflicted over this decision, and perhaps it's not what you fully desire? You have reasons for, and you have reasons against. Maybe some type of drugs (alcohol?) could suppress your feelings for your parents on a temporary basis? I'd be conflicted over this as well. Hugs to you.