Discussion How to deal with the perspective of people who love us being traumatized by we CTBing?

[Finally_Free]

My girlfriend is very mentally fragile and she relies a lot on me to keep on going. She says everyday how much she loves me and how important I'm to her.

I feel very guilty of relieving my pain by CTBing ang creating a profound trauma with unkown consequences on her.

This is also true when I think about my parents.

Does anyone feel the same? How do you deal with it?

 

[s3gfault]

I think about this all the time and it's one of the main things holding me back. My mother would be especially devastated and she's rather fragile. But we're lucky to have a large support network of family and friends that I believe she could be ok. In your situation there isn't really much you can do other than choose to continue living to keep her from pain. But if your pain is so great that you can't continue on then that's the choice you have to live with (no pun intended). I'm in the same situation. It's an unfortunate catch-22.

I would at least spend some time drafting a letter for her to tell her why you had to take that step, that nothing was her fault, that there was nothing differently she could have done to prevent it, and that you hope she can understand and move on without it being the end of her life as well. That's really the only thing you can do, the rest is up to her.

 

[Finally_Free]

I think about this all the time and it's one of the main things holding me back. My mother would be especially devastated and she's rather fragile. But we're lucky to have a large support network of family and friends that I believe she could be ok. In your situation there isn't really much you can do other than choose to continue living to keep her from pain. But if your pain is so great that you can't continue on then that's the choice you have to live with (no pun intended). I'm in the same situation. It's an unfortunate catch-22.

I would at least spend some time drafting a letter for her to tell her why you had to take that step, that nothing was her fault, that there was nothing differently she could have done to prevent it, and that you hope she can understand and move on without it being the end of her life as well. That's really the only thing you can do, the rest is up to her.

Thank you so much for your wise words, @s3gfault! It helped me already to untangle some knots. The next step would be to take some time to write a very sincere letter in order to make things a little less worse. However, I'm quite sure she will be devastated anyway. I even thought about breaking up, but I don't think it make things better.

I'm planning to live her all my savings, tho, which is not much but it is something. And also my parent's property's, which will be half hers when they pass away. Apart from that she has a very supportive family and she know my suffering. I guess I have to focus on the good side off all this, otherwise it will be mentally torturing..

 

[GrassFields]

This is something I think about all the time and worry about it when considering medically assisted death or CTB on my own terms. I will reach the end of the road within a few years with my prognosis, but sometimes I think saving myself and my family a long and drawn out end is the kinder thing to do. Then I think about my wife, my kids, and my parents who might be hold on to resentment or deep trauma from a MAID/CTB death and it really does scare me.

My wife and parents do support my choice to self-determination, which includes how I would chose to live my last days, but I can't imagine it would be something easy for them to cope with.

 

[Finally_Free]

This is something I think about all the time and worry about it when considering medically assisted death or CTB on my own terms. I will reach the end of the road within a few years with my prognosis, but sometimes I think saving myself and my family a long and drawn out end is the kinder thing to do. Then I think about my wife, my kids, and my parents who might be hold on to resentment or deep trauma from a MAID/CTB death and it really does scare me.

My wife and parents do support my choice to self-determination, which includes how I would chose to live my last days, but I can't imagine it would be something easy for them to cope with.

I'm sorry to know about your story, @GrassFields , specially because of your kids. As you said your family is supportive of your decision, maybe the fact that there's already a dialogue going on, the pain can be lessen with more and more dialogue. But it's just a guess. Nonetheless, it's never, ever, easy to talk about life and death, specially CBT.

 

[GrassFields]

I'm sorry to know about your story, @GrassFields , specially because of your kids. As you said your family is supportive of your decision, maybe the fact that there's already a dialogue going on, the pain can be lessen with more and more dialogue. But it's just a guess. Nonetheless, it's never, ever, easy to talk about life and death, specially CBT.

Thanks very much! I'm so sorry you're also having to consider CTB; I know the mixed bag of emotions that comes along with it. Much like yourself, I think about my family a lot and how my choices could impact them.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

Have you thought about a series of videos for different ages/milestones for your children and loved ones? I plan on something along those lines. I dont want to keep reopening wounds and hurt but hope it may bring some comfort to those closest to me. With all my heart I wish you peace..

 

[Kain10th]

Nobody will be traumatized by mine so that's not an issue for me

 

[Finally_Free]

Have you thought about a series of videos for different ages/milestones for your children and loved ones? I plan on something along those lines. I dont want to keep reopening wounds and hurt but hope it may bring some comfort to those closest to me. With all my heart I wish you peace..

That's a good idea, specially with kids. In my case I think it would keep opening wounds, thou. And, at the center of my disorder which led me think about ctb, is an incapacity of acomplishing tasks, specially complex ones. Just to think about recording a lot of stuff I already feel exhausted :/

 

[Outsider]

Im in the same spot worried about my gf. One strategy would be to break up and care for her as a friend from a distance, slowly removing yourself from her life. It gives you control and ability to help unless she cuts you out completely. This may ease the pain of sudden, big loss. Though I wont do it. I will write a message explaining my decision, saying i will be better this way, that its not her fault and with some info on ctb if she wants to follow.