How to deal with knowing my family will suffer when I ctb?

[LeavingThisHell]

Some people in my family have been very supportive to me but there's only so much nice people can do when you're a walking magnet of mental illnesses. Basically I started life with a few mental conditions from birth and throughout my life these first initial illnesses kept attracting more and more of them. To the point that now, adding to it some external life problems, I really have no other choice other than to ctb, as simply existing in this world now is enough mental suffering for someone to go completely mad.

But the thing is, how to deal with knowing that some really good people will suffer when you ctb? I didn't want to make them sad, but my wish to exit this hell is a lot stronger than my wish to stay here for them. Honestly at this point there is no turning back.

I sometimes have to hold tears when around them because I know I'll be responsible for causing a lot of suffering for them in the near future. It's like someone is giving you a flower but in your mind you know you're about to punch them really hard. So it creates this sense of guilt.

 

[ilvgore]

Maybe you could write a final letter to them explaining what led you to this decision. A lot of times people don't know the reason why loved ones decided to suicide. Telling them and assuring that it's not their fault and that there wasn't a thing they could do to make you feel better, will [I think] clear some things up and make things a bit easier:)

Wish u the best

 

[LeavingThisHell]

Maybe you could write a final letter to them explaining what led you to this decision. A lot of times people don't know the reason why loved ones decided to suicide. Telling them and assuring that it's not their fault and that there wasn't a thing they could do to make you feel better, will [I think] clear some things up and make things a bit easier:)

Wish u the best

I have written a note already, but I don't think that's enough. The worst part is knowing they'll suffer no matter what I do.

 

[losingsteam3141]

Im in the same boat. I know it will destroy my parents but if I am kicked out of grad school I have no choice. For me, Its either a slow descent into poverty and nothingness or a quick end to my shameful existence. I think if I CTB it would be less embarrassing for my parents. The quicker any trace of me disappears the better. Ill let my parents know this and I hope theyll understand

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I understand finding it torturous to exist but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Peace2peace]

I have written a note already, but I don't think that's enough. The worst part is knowing they'll suffer no matter what I do.

A recorded video could help with that they will understand send your goodwill as well