How to deal with being emotionally immature for my age

[FireFox]

I am 22 and feel immature for my age it bothers me.

I am jealous of people who grow up fast because they can deal with life.

I thought being an adult would come naturally to me.

I feel like i am stupid little girl in a world full of adults.

It is so humilating i dont even know how to pay a bill , my mum pays my phone bill , i never travelled on my own out of the country, i am crap with computers i dont even know how to order online


I cant stop crying as i failed to be an adult .

 

[MaybeSoon]

A lot of people feel that way, even people who don't suffer from mental affliction. I felt the same way and looked into it, it's pretty common.

 

[Meena]

I can relate. That's why this whole world is scary for me.

 

[lmroch]

The human brain isn't fully developed until 25 years of age. Everything is there except for the frontal cortex, which is the last thing to mature.

An immature frontal cortex explains the spectrum of teenage behaviors: it's what makes adolescents adolescent, says Sapolsky. "The sensation-seeking and the risk-taking; the highs are higher and the lows are lower," he says. Teenagers are more adventurous and more heroic during this time—but can also be more violent and impulsive.

Because your frontal cortex is the last part to develop "it's the part of the brain that is most sculpted by environment and experience—and least constrained by genes," Sapolsky says. That's great news! Your adventure levels, openness, experience, and influences at 25 years old will shape who you are when you're 60.

​

 

[GiveUp]

I am 22 and feel immature for my age it bothers me.

I am jealous of people who grow up fast because they can deal with life.

I thought being an adult would come naturally to me.

I feel like i am stupid little girl in a world full of adults.

It is so humilating i dont even know how to pay a bill , my mum pays my phone bill , i never travelled on my own out of the country, i am crap with computers i dont even know how to order online


I cant stop crying as i failed to be an adult .

The fact that you recognise it, is a huge step and that self-awareness suggests that you aren't as emotionally immature as you think you are. the School of Life have some good videos on emotional maturity:

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It is so humilating i dont even know how to pay a bill , my mum pays my phone bill , i never travelled on my own out of the country, i am crap with computers i dont even know how to order online

You can't know what you know until you learn it and practice it!

Can your mom or someone teach you? Would it feel safe to learn from her?

I learn well in these steps, progressing once comfortable with the previous step that is repeated as many times as needed.

1. You show me/explain, you do it
2. You do it, I help
3. I do it, you help
4. I show you/explain, I do it

I also learn better if it's made to be fun.

 

[GiveUp]

It is so humilating i dont even know how to pay a bill , my mum pays my phone bill , i never travelled on my own out of the country, i am crap with computers i dont even know how to order online

Don't worry - these things can be learnt. Some adults still can't do them! They don't indicate maturity or emotional immaturity. These are just little things ;)

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I'm 30 and I doubt I'm older than 16 mentally. You are not alone with this.

 

[FireFox]

Sorry for my late responses i need a private place. My family like moving in and out of rooms . I dont want them seeing me using this site
Thank you so much for your responses
As my birthday approaches i am getting more and more stressed about everthing and even more depressed .

I am going to 23 but i feel so old and just a failure in life.
I feel so alone
I never had a job at my age it is so embrassing . I feel like the only one .
I never had a relationship. I watched a video from a youtuber called lauren southern called what every girl needs to hear. She said men like younger women. As age i feel l will become less attractive and desirable to men
I have no direction in my life

Cant leave the house as my family are in the high risk group.

My mum works from home.
My sister got sickle cell, my nan is elderly .

I'm 30 and I doubt I'm older than 16 mentally. You are not alone with this.

Thank you. It is so hard seeing people having thier own appartments, boyfriends , holidays etc

 

[Mr2005]

I am 22 and feel immature for my age it bothers me.

I am jealous of people who grow up fast because they can deal with life.

I thought being an adult would come naturally to me.

I feel like i am stupid little girl in a world full of adults.

It is so humilating i dont even know how to pay a bill , my mum pays my phone bill , i never travelled on my own out of the country, i am crap with computers i dont even know how to order online


I cant stop crying as i failed to be an adult .

A lot of people can do all that and are still incredibly immature. I haven't spoken to you much but just based on the fact you're saying that I don't think you are

 

[FireFox]

A lot of people feel that way, even people who don't suffer from mental affliction. I felt the same way and looked into it, it's pretty common.

Thank you it so hard seeing people my age having together with a relationship, income etc
I went to church party on boxing day last christmas it was so awful.
I asked by one of the mums in the church about what i was doing . I couldnt answer.
The people my age in the church i go to i aslo went to so school with.
They have jobs, relationships and being real adults.
1 is a doctor and her sister works in fiance
Another one works in a nursey
Another works in Pr and is a married at 23
There is me so confused. I hate how family have tell relatives i am taking a gap year is so embrassing .
I wish i had an older sister . I hate being the olderst

A lot of people can do all that and are still incredibly immature. I haven't spoken to you much but just based on the fact you're saying that I don't think you are

Thanks. I feel like i know nothing

 

[FireFox]

I started my adult life on welfare. I am failiure.
I hate being on welfare on so embrassing.
I messed up my entire life. I cant go anymore

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Hey FireFox,

I feel that what is holding you back is not your capabilities, but your attitude and perception of yourself. Let me stress that you absolutely can learn these things and become independent. You are a late bloomer and that is okay!

But you keep beating yourself up for not knowing these things. I don't know if this is because other people have called you immature? All I know is this:

1. You may look around and think that everyone has their life together and planned out. A career, family, etc. This is just an exterior. Many of those people feel unsure about themselves, 'imposter syndrome', stress, etc. So do not think that everyone is racing ahead of you and having a wonderful life. This is simply not true. Everybody is struggling with something.
2. 
   
3. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS OR OPINIONS. You are on your own path. You have your own goals and aspirations, and that is what you will focus on from now on. First, it can be learning to order something online. Then it's getting comfortable with computers, etc. You are NOT stupid. You are on your OWN timeline and will blossom into the flower that you are. Some flowers take a couple of months to germinate and bloom, while some take much longer. And yet we do not blame the flower for taking long to bloom.
4. 
   
5. You are YOUNG. You are in your early 20s. Do not let anyone make you think your life is over when it has just begun. This is the time to make mistakes, embarrass yourself, try out different things etc. Nobody expects or should expect you to have it all figured out now.
6. 
   
7. The most difficult thing to do is BEGIN. This is true for any task, and I am also guilty of this. Sometimes we put things off even though we could get it over and done with quickly. We need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. You will not feel comfortable doing these things at first and that is normal. At some point you will get used to it.
8. 
   
9. Do NOT aim for PERFECTION. When you do any task, do not expect to do it perfectly. When we have a perfectionist mindset it becomes difficult to complete simple things because we want to make every detail perfect. This is counter productive. It will be easier to actually get tasks done if you have a just good enough mindset.
10. 
    
11. It is OKAY to not know how to do everything. This is does not make you immature. Nobody expects you to know everything. The important thing is being willing to learn. This is truly the hallmark of being a mature person. Any adult who thinks they do not need to learn anything else is stupid and immature.

You are NOT a failure.
Remember, we do not blame the flower for taking a long time to bloom. You should not blame yourself either. I know it all seems overwhelming. Take each day as they come and learn bit by bit. I PROMISE you, you are capable of all these things. We all support you on your journey to blossoming into the flower you are.

 

[qwerty32]

Don't know where you are due to the corona virus situation and/or if you're area is under quarantine where you must stay home, my advice is keep mentally busy.
For me it's reading books, manga (Japanese comics), and binge watching netflix/disney +. I'm doing all this to keep myself from not thinking about my recent break up and it's my first relationship and I'm still beating myself over this.
Like I said, keep mentally busy.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Hi Firefox.
I would second everything @angel-of-the-night - said. Especially point 11.

At your age I was utterly clueless. I made up for it with drunken arrogance that set me on a dark path which has ultimately led here.

If I'd had the ability to be honest with myself, as you are doing, then maybe I'd have had the chance to make a better life from earlier on.
Maybe you have that chance now, better that than to be in denial as I was.

And these are such strange times, no point in comparing yourself to others. The world is moving on, who knows what's going to come next?

 

[FireFox]

Don't know where you are due to the corona virus situation and/or if you're area is under quarantine where you must stay home, my advice is keep mentally busy.
For me it's reading books, manga (Japanese comics), and binge watching netflix/disney +. I'm doing all this to keep myself from not thinking about my recent break up and it's my first relationship and I'm still beating myself over this.
Like I said, keep mentally busy.

The UK

 

[FireFox]

Hey FireFox,

I feel that what is holding you back is not your capabilities, but your attitude and perception of yourself. Let me stress that you absolutely can learn these things and become independent. You are a late bloomer and that is okay!

But you keep beating yourself up for not knowing these things. I don't know if this is because other people have called you immature? All I know is this:

1. You may look around and think that everyone has their life together and planned out. A career, family, etc. This is just an exterior. Many of those people feel unsure about themselves, 'imposter syndrome', stress, etc. So do not think that everyone is racing ahead of you and having a wonderful life. This is simply not true. Everybody is struggling with something.
2. 
   
3. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS OR OPINIONS. You are on your own path. You have your own goals and aspirations, and that is what you will focus on from now on. First, it can be learning to order something online. Then it's getting comfortable with computers, etc. You are NOT stupid. You are on your OWN timeline and will blossom into the flower that you are. Some flowers take a couple of months to germinate and bloom, while some take much longer. And yet we do not blame the flower for taking long to bloom.
4. 
   
5. You are YOUNG. You are in your early 20s. Do not let anyone make you think your life is over when it has just begun. This is the time to make mistakes, embarrass yourself, try out different things etc. Nobody expects or should expect you to have it all figured out now.
6. 
   
7. The most difficult thing to do is BEGIN. This is true for any task, and I am also guilty of this. Sometimes we put things off even though we could get it over and done with quickly. We need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. You will not feel comfortable doing these things at first and that is normal. At some point you will get used to it.
8. 
   
9. Do NOT aim for PERFECTION. When you do any task, do not expect to do it perfectly. When we have a perfectionist mindset it becomes difficult to complete simple things because we want to make every detail perfect. This is counter productive. It will be easier to actually get tasks done if you have a just good enough mindset.
10. 
    
11. It is OKAY to not know how to do everything. This is does not make you immature. Nobody expects you to know everything. The important thing is being willing to learn. This is truly the hallmark of being a mature person. Any adult who thinks they do not need to learn anything else is stupid and immature.

You are NOT a failure.
Remember, we do not blame the flower for taking a long time to bloom. You should not blame yourself either. I know it all seems overwhelming. Take each day as they come and learn bit by bit. I PROMISE you, you are capable of all these things. We all support you on your journey to blossoming into the flower you are.

Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate it . I really do.
It has helped me

I feel awful about everthing in my life. Everyday i regret all life choices . Sometimes i believe i am being punished for everthing in my life
Being punished for being
1) Jealous of the girl i went to school with because she still with the guy i always wanted.
I wanted him to love me , i wanted to be his girlfriend.
2) Turning down a job in a chruch set up by this woman all because i was scared of being messing up and being needy
I will never ever get a job offer again in my life.
Maybe i have blown it
Maybe i dont deseve a job
Maybe i dont deserve love
What if i really i am selfish and deserve all that is happening to me
I would love to thank everyone for thier replies.
I really appreciate it . I do