Help how to deal with being begged not to CTB?

[hexd]

Let me explain a bit more in detail ; hardly any of my "friends" know about my wishes, and even less know about my private account.
a couple people "know" and have begged, usually me putting my foot down & explaining how its what i want kinda gets them to lay off. But that doesn't work on my brother at all.

my brother is like my second half, hes only a year older but i love him more than any words can describe. We do just about everything together ; hes known forever that this is the end goal i want even IF everything wasn't falling apart.
before ; whenever i mentioned the fact of me "practicing" he wouldn't push me to do anything, i guess me being stern back then put him off or something. if he ever saw my scars he wouldn't say anything unless i do and its always stuff like if i cleaned it or whtever.

anyway, after i broke up with my girlfriend of six years, lost access to my psychiatrist, lost my job & back living with this abusive prick i figured that if theres anytime to CTB that the world is telling me now. I made this clear to him and he has been VERY quick to do anything to stop me from even trying anything. he started just by saying things would get "better" I would say that even if i was a billionaire that i would still want this? then he would beg, constant begging. saying that he "needs" me. how empty his world will be without me etc etc.
I want him to have all my belongings, mostly my favorite items (like my pc, signed Tiffany Grant shirt) nothing major, but he wont take it. I dont want anybody ELSE having these items.
i told him how much more it hurts me to stay around and how hard it is for me to continue existing : esp. w/ my life is literally falling apart.. his response? that i "really don't wanna do this" and how things will get better and to just hold on. OR if i start going through with everything anyway, sending my goodbyes he goes ape shit & calls everyone we know, every possible soul who can get in contact with me/find me.

alright fine, only logical answer is to not tell him anything right? well he SOMEHOW finds out anyway and starts crying now, mind you ive never heard this man cry aside from w/ we were babies so it really stung. it feels like hes a wall stopping me from having eternal peace.
nobody else cares as much as him, i totally understand where hes coming from in all of this ; but it only stresses me out. like gee dude you think i havent had the same talk with myself so many times? any advice on how to nullify the feeling? or maybe have him be more "accepting"? i mostly want him to have my belongings more than anything. he doesnt live close so i would have to ship it or use the silly uber package thing but i dont wanna raise alarms.

 

[UKscotty]

I don't think there is much you can do. Normal people will not generally accept CTB as a rational thing to do.

This is why it's generally best not to mention it if you are serious, it won't do you or them any good.

Unless you literally have no one, it will be tragic for people left behind, we have to learn to accept that and be OK with it. This is all part of over coming our SI. Now days I try to make sure no one knows as I see nothing but headache from people knowing.

 

[hexd]

I don't think there is much you can do. Normal people will not generally accept CTB as a rational thing to do.

This is why it's generally best not to mention it if you are serious, it won't do you or them any good.

Unless you literally have no one, it will be tragic for people left behind, we have to learn to accept that and be OK with it. This is all part of over coming our SI. Now days I try to make sure no one knows as I see nothing but headache from people knowing.

i wouldn't have told him, its just that we're family, and ive been like this since we were kids. plus we always do just about everything together. nobody else really seems to care hell atleast until he starts blowing all these people up at the very last minute.

maybe i just need to stay a bit more hush, and distance myself a little bit more

 

[rozeske]

Unless you expect their response to bring a change in your decisions, I personally don't see the point of letting people in your life know about your plans. They would never understand nor accept. This is a decision that needs to be made on your own after evaluating your life and choosing whether to keep going or end it. Once you come to peace in your decision you need to be ok in the fact your loved ones are going to hurt and letting them know is not going to make them hurt less. It's only going to end up messing your plans.