lyles
Student
- Oct 13, 2021
- 142
I have an amazing family and friends and boyfriend and I love all of them so, so much. The very thought of them suffering the way I know they would if I killed myself has kept me from doing it for so long. But I am so tired. And when I think about the future part of me has some hope but mostly right now I just want to lay down in bed forever. The way society and life are now doesn't appeal to me and having to navigate the world as it is, even with the beauty that I do see in it, is exhausting. I know if my mom dies I will kill myself regardless, but I don't want to witness her death. I wish I could die in an accident or something, then it wouldn't be a suicide and that would definitely make it somewhat easier for my family. It would hurt, but I know that if it was seen as my choice it would hurt significantly worse. I am just going to hope I accidentally die somehow before any of my loved ones. It is selfish but I don't know what to do with these feelings. I have been okay before, I don't know why I am coming back to this feeling.
I know this was just a lot of rambling and vague and a bit odd, maybe, but thank you if you read it. I wish you the best.
I know this was just a lot of rambling and vague and a bit odd, maybe, but thank you if you read it. I wish you the best.