How to be more interesting?

[sserafim]

People stopped talking to me because they lost interest in me, I assume. Someone said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything particularly interesting or insightful. How do I become more interesting?

 

[Rocinante]

I usually try to talk with them about their hobbies, fav music / anime/ vidya games to keep convo going
Also having hobbies makes you indefinitely more interesting. Even if it's something you haven't done in years, if you have enough insight on the subject then it's one more thing to bring up when trying to sound interesting

 

[Final_Choice]

I usually try to talk with them about their hobbies, fav music / anime/ vidya games to keep convo going
Also having hobbies makes you indefinitely more interesting. Even if it's something you haven't done in years, if you have enough insight on the subject then it's one more thing to bring up when trying to sound interesting

Completely agree, it'll be more natural if you both naturally share the hobby or if you're at least interested in it and want to try to get into it.

Also just generally recognize what paths to take to continue a conversation, like if the other person was talking about something they did you could follow up and ask for more specifics in regards to what, why, or how they did something.

 

[Little_Suzy]

You gotta be Forrest, not Bubba!







This is my favorite movie. lol

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

Someone said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything particularly interesting or insightful.

I think it's normal in people with ADHD.

Do you tend to talk excessively? I ask because it's common for me to talk excessively due to my ADHD, to the point that people consider me a totally boring person, even my mother falls asleep when she listens to me talk.

 

[moshimoshi]

I think you're pretty interesting :) maybe you just haven't met the right people yet?

 

[sserafim]

I think it's normal in people with ADHD.

Do you tend to talk excessively? I ask because it's common for me to talk excessively due to my ADHD, to the point that people consider me a totally boring person, even my mother falls asleep when she listens to me talk.

Yeah, I talk excessively with people that I know, but with strangers, I don't talk at all. I'm either silent or a chatterbox depending on the situation

 

[4am]

i'm surprised somebody would say that, imo you're the most interesting person on this forum

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

Yeah, I talk excessively with people that I know, but with strangers, I don't talk at all. I'm either silent or a chatterbox depending on the situation

I see.
Perhaps you should reduce the frequency with which you talk to avoid boring people.
In my case, I speak very little with strangers, and they consider me cold.

But it's also possible that the problem lies with people who aren't even interested in listening to you.
Where I live, people only like to talk about certain things:
- Who got killed in the town
- Who cheated on whom in a romance
- Soccer
- Who your ideal partner is
- Politics
- Upcoming religious events in the town
- Fake news that they believe
- Random actors and how much money they have
- Music from my country

I think because of these topics, I'm not able to connect with people.

Who among them likes anime? They think it's Chinese cartoons.

Progressive rock? What the f*ck is that? Rock is satanic for them.

Languages? Nobody in my town speaks English; they see someone speaking Chinese and think they're speaking English...

Video games? All the young people in my town play FIFA...

 

[Argo]

People stopped talking to me because they lost interest in me, I assume. Someone said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything particularly interesting or insightful. How do I become more interesting?

I think it's the wrong question. You can frame it as a problem on your end, or not. The same is true for any kind of judgement. We just assume that if someone puts some judgement on us, it must be true, and we must be flawed. Sometimes that's true. But it should be scrutinized because it's often not true. Lots of things people perceive as flaws aren't. A test you can do for this is, imagine really kind, honest, curious and wise aliens met you and were trying to understand you, and form a view of you-- what would be universal in their judgement, and what would they just not care about, and what would only your fellow humans care about? Whatever is in that second category is basically worthless, and you and those around you would benefit if you worried less about it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you're pretty interesting :) maybe you just haven't met the right people yet?

I agree with this. If you are trying to be someone else in order to get someone to like you, what's the point? Friendships should be nice and relaxing. Isn't that the point? To find people you can be accepted as yourself around? So- I'd say, it's not your problem, it's theirs. If they can't be bothered to stick around, are they really worth the effort to try and impress? Besides, like others have said- you are interesting. Here anyway. You bring up lots of interesting subjects and nuances.

Also- are you talking about here or, the real world? Maybe I've got this wrong but I recall in other posts, you didn't seem too bothered about friendship or socialising. Or, did I remember that wrongly? If you're talking about here, people come here for different reasons, with different expectations. We're likely all carrying a lot of baggage and all have our own backstories and triggers.

Maybe people aren't looking to form connections. Maybe they are and they don't think you are to the same level. Creating friendships take effort and risk. Sometimes, if we don't quite click with the other person and if either us or them don't seem equally committed to it, it's easy for things to just peter out. That's my feeling anyhow.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You certainly ask a lot of interesting questions but maybe that's not the point.

I think keeping an air of mystique and vagueness can sometimes be used to draw more interest towards oneself but this could backfire if it turns out to be disappointing. Outside of that, collecting knowledge on interesting topics could be another way to hold peoples' interest. Just having unique things to say about subjects they're already interested in helps as well.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that, aside from FC, you're the most interesting person on this forum. No matter who you are or how interesting you are, some people will always never be interested in you. You could be the most interesting apple on the tree yet there would still be people who don't like apples to begin with. That doesn't really say anything about you but rather about human nature to begin with. You're very interesting in my opinion and I think that your threads entertain a lot of people. Even the threads where you vent about capitalism or wage slavery tend to have more posts in it than a usual vent

 

[sserafim]

I agree with this. If you are trying to be someone else in order to get someone to like you, what's the point? Friendships should be nice and relaxing. Isn't that the point? To find people you can be accepted as yourself around? So- I'd say, it's not your problem, it's theirs. If they can't be bothered to stick around, are they really worth the effort to try and impress? Besides, like others have said- you are interesting. Here anyway. You bring up lots of interesting subjects and nuances.

Also- are you talking about here or, the real world? Maybe I've got this wrong but I recall in other posts, you didn't seem too bothered about friendship or socialising. Or, did I remember that wrongly? If you're talking about here, people come here for different reasons, with different expectations. We're likely all carrying a lot of baggage and all have our own backstories and triggers.

Maybe people aren't looking to form connections. Maybe they are and they don't think you are to the same level. Creating friendships take effort and risk. Sometimes, if we don't quite click with the other person and if either us or them don't seem equally committed to it, it's easy for things to just peter out. That's my feeling anyhow.

I'm talking about here lol. I have no desire to make friends in the real world. I don't even go outside

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm talking about here lol. I have no desire to make friends in the real world

Do you have a desire to make friends/connections here or, is it more that you hope you will find people that will reliably stick around?

I think the problem here is it's annonymous. Not that that's a bad thing. It kind of has to be with what we're discussing but, it's not exactly like committments in real life because it's sort of virtual. Plus, we're all openly pro-choice. We all know there's a possibilty that the person we're chatting with today could potentially kill themselves tomorrow! So, there's that added risk.

As for people saying you're uninteresting, I don't know why they would say that because, you clearly are. You talk about all sorts of things. Maybe it isn't all together strange that people come here to be entertained or distracted at least but- that isn't your job or anyone elses. I think it's kind of unfair to have that expectation on someone.

On the other hand, we can't expect other people to stay with us if for whatever reason, they don't want to. They may be really busy. They may have found other people they relate to more. That hurts but it's just another shitty aspect of life really. It can be hard to find someone you really click with.

I'll be honest and say I find you quite intriguing- because, on the one hand, you seem to want to shun people and friendship but on the other, you clearly do feel hurt if people don't stick around. I'm full of contradictions too though (if that's a fair assessment.) I guess we all are.

But, like I was trying to also say- that in itself could be another reason people don't want to get close or commit themselves to a regular friendship/conversation. If they sense you won't in return. Does that make sense? Why give your feelings of care, friendship, trust, even love to someone who won't reciprocate it? We can get hurt doing that. I have a friend from years ago where I think we had the potential to be best friends. We had so much in common. But, they'd been hurt by friendships that had broken down in the past so, there was always a kind of barrier there. It can be kind of risky to start depending and caring for someone- even plutonically who doesn't have the capacity to return it. I think that's another reason people hold back. To try and prevent themselves from getting hurt. Not to say I think you're out to hurt people!

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The only things that I can think of to suggest are that you start going out more and also that you start taking the time to create a deeper understanding of things. While I understand that you are a hikikomori it probably would be good for you to go out more, even if it's just to a part of your city that you've never or rarely ever visited. Interesting people usually tend to have a lot of life experiences and/or can provide very in-depth looks into a variety of different topics. My friend from high school was a very interesting person because she had all sorts of weird and interesting stories about her and her family. She was very fun to hang out with.

 

[sserafim]

Do you have a desire to make friends/connections here or, is it more that you hope you will find people that will reliably stick around?

I think the problem here is it's annonymous. Not that that's a bad thing. It kind of has to be with what we're discussing but, it's not exactly like committments in real life because it's sort of virtual. Plus, we're all openly pro-choice. We all know there's a possibilty that the person we're chatting with today could potentially kill themselves tomorrow! So, there's that added risk.

As for people saying you're uninteresting, I don't know why they would say that because, you clearly are. You talk about all sorts of things. Maybe it isn't all together strange that people come here to be entertained or distracted at least but- that isn't your job or anyone elses. I think it's kind of unfair to have that expectation on someone.

On the other hand, we can't expect other people to stay with us if for whatever reason, they don't want to. They may be really busy. They may have found other people they relate to more. That hurts but it's just another shitty aspect of life really. It can be hard to find someone you really click with.

I'll be honest and say I find you quite intriguing- because, on the one hand, you seem to want to shun people and friendship but on the other, you clearly do feel hurt if people don't stick around. I'm full of contradictions too though (if that's a fair assessment.) I guess we all are.

But, like I was trying to also say- that in itself could be another reason people don't want to get close or commit themselves to a regular friendship/conversation. If they sense you won't in return. Does that make sense? Why give your feelings of care, friendship, trust, even love to someone who won't reciprocate it? We can get hurt doing that. I have a friend from years ago where I think we had the potential to be best friends. We had so much in common. But, they'd been hurt by friendships that had broken down in the past so, there was always a kind of barrier there. It can be kind of risky to start depending and caring for someone- even plutonically who doesn't have the capacity to return it. I think that's another reason people hold back. To try and prevent themselves from getting hurt. Not to say I think you're out to hurt people!

I think that he's on this forum to troll but I liked talking to him even though he would insult and make fun of me. This is what he said

"low sentience because I haven't seen you express unique opinions and like you said you can't imagine."

"You just haven't said something insightful or anything that impressed me."

"I'd just rather be alone, no offense but you sound annoying to be with all day"

"I just don't see any need to talk to you
it was fine at first but your topics are very repetitive and you don't say anything very interesting or funny"

 

[damyon]

Very short guess: people might get busier at some point, and they might not have stopped talking to you completely; They just temporarily switched priorities. This does not imply that you are not an interesting person (however, the possibility still exists, so I would not rule that out)

(I will write a longer answer later)
~~~

Interesting people usually tend to have a lot of life experiences and/or can provide very in-depth looks into a variety of different topics.

That is probably what you need to know, OP. You can benefit from gaining more life experience and being able to share stories or facts in an engaging manner (while keeping the listener in mind).

Think of an interesting person like a white beam of light that can split into different colors based on the situation.

~~~

But, like I was trying to also say- that in itself could be another reason people don't want to get close or commit themselves to a regular friendship/conversation. If they sense you won't in return. Does that make sense? Why give your feelings of care, friendship, trust, even love to someone who won't reciprocate it? We can get hurt doing that. I have a friend from years ago where I think we had the potential to be best friends. We had so much in common. But, they'd been hurt by friendships that had broken down in the past so, there was always a kind of barrier there. It can be kind of risky to start depending and caring for someone- even plutonically who doesn't have the capacity to return it. I think that's another reason people hold back. To try and prevent themselves from getting hurt. Not to say I think you're out to hurt people!

Well, no risk, no reward.
To put it bluntly (like I always do): are you scared of going out of the house because you might get bitten by a snake or eaten by a lion? The fear of getting hurt is useful, but you need to choose the optimal threshold to act upon it...

I can give a more practical recommendation to the OP: do not be afraid of putting some time into a person, but be ready to cut the losses quickly if you determine it to be necessary. (selfish... I know)

 

[derpyderpins]

Yeah, I talk excessively with people that I know, but with strangers, I don't talk at all. I'm either silent or a chatterbox depending on the situation

"Interesting" just means they enjoy the interaction.

You're clearly interesting to people here. Your posts get a lot of responses. I'd say this is for two reasons:

1. You ask open ended questions, prompting people like me to ramble and digitally "hear" themselves talk.
2. Whether you actually thoroughly read the responses or not (we can't know), you normally give a reaction, showing the person you appreciate their insight, which makes them feel special.

This works well because we're all self centered to some extent. You can apply these principles to real life.

For people you are shy with and don't want to talk, all you have to do is ask them some open ended questions and seem interested in their answers, even if they do most of the talking.

For people you find yourself chattering too, if you catch yourself, say something like "sorry I know I'm talking a lot, but I really want to know what YOU think about this!"

You know I'm on ritalin. I have the hardest time paying attention when people talk. It doesn't matter what it's about, even if the topic is very interesting. Over time, I've practiced and learned how to appear interested, mostly by giving certain reactions at the right time. People will find you interesting if they think you are interested in them.

 

[xinino]

I think talking about mainstream topics with little controversy "to capture the interest of different opinions" is enough. The trick is to try to identify with the maximum number of people's mentalities, even if it means wearing a disguise.

 

[pilotviolin]

People stopped talking to me because they lost interest in me, I assume. Someone said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything particularly interesting or insightful. How do I become more interesting?

personally i think "be interesting" is hard to answer. you can appear interesting, or dive deep into your own curiosity, which from what ive seen, youre pretty curious! not weighing appearances over personal interest over one another, i know they have their time and place. but just know many people enjoy talking to you and participating in your threads. i dont think fretting over "am i interesting?" is really useful either (or maybe it is to you!), its subjective, and i know if i could delve into anyones brain and life further than the words they type on a keyboard or the way they dress i would be intrigued for infinity, but we are limited by mode of existance, and here what the website allows us.

 

[letsgetittogo]

People stopped talking to me because they lost interest in me, I assume. Someone said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything particularly interesting or insightful. How do I become more interesting?

This made me sad

 

[hot]

I usually find people interesting who share the same interests as me. I think a lot of other people think that way too. Maybe try to connect with people who share the same interests as you.

 

[sserafim]

I think talking about mainstream topics with little controversy "to capture the interest of different opinions" is enough. The trick is to try to identify with the maximum number of people's mentalities, even if it means wearing a disguise.

Wdym

 

[xinino]

Wdym

People in this forum are more concerned about existential questions than mainstream society concerns like globalization, ecology, AI, equality, racism, Israel, etc., but it seems that the most prominent existential questions are already consumed (meaning of life, free will and determinism, concept of self, morality, death, soul, existential anxiety, hope, etc.).

so, I think you need to learn more complex knowledge "which is arduous task already" and ask about existancial questions from different existentialist philosophers.

"It is funny how even suicidal people need entertainment."

The second point is to identify with people, even if it is fake. People are attracted to people who reflect them and tell them what they want to hear.

For example, "I already had tons of interactions and interest from racists just by side with them, although I am not racist."

 

[greebo6]

I think you are fine as you are. You ask interesting questions and start interesting threads. People readily respond to you on here so it seems you are liked. Don't worry about the opinions of a few. After all , nobody can please everybody all of the time .