Venting How the fuck do peoplr have the balls to ctb

[Specific_Milk]

I've got somewhat of a plan to ctb but I can't fucking muster up the courage to go through with it. Why the fuck am I such a wuss. I just want it over with but I'm just sat here whining about shit and not tryna fix it by either recovering or dying. I need to sneak out at night and jump off that fucking bridge. I need to do it. I need some fucking courage. For once in my miserable worthless life I'll be able to prove myself for sth if I could just fucking do it

 

[Reuthry]

Well, from my experience, you are not able to rush or fast forward it. You will know when you are ready (if you still that way of course). I have experienced that for more than 2 years but I guess I am slowly getting ready to go finally. I hope that I don't chicken out when it's the time, I want to make sure that I am dead.

 

[kane9191kosugi]

Same here. Not only am I lacking the "courage", I'm already at a point where even ctb is tiring, which is how depressed and fed up I am with life lol.

Not having the courage is one thing, but when you're tired to even "act", that's another level of struggle lol.

 

[AMATERASU :-)]

If I finally get an anchor point...
I think it will be too easy to do this, especially if I combine it with alcohol + antihistamines if I find them, or the like. I don't know, I thought it was way harder but in practice I find it funny that it is easier than I imagined, referring to the partial of course. It's a matter of warming me up enough and it will happen easily.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I hate how it's so difficult to cease existing on our own terms, we really shouldn't have to struggle so much to die. I envy those people who managed to succeed with ctb as now they are at peace, eternally free from all suffering.

 

[dreamingofrest]

Well, from my experience, you are not able to rush or fast forward it. You will know when you are ready (if you still that way of course). I have experienced that for more than 2 years but I guess I am slowly getting ready to go finally. I hope that I don't chicken out when it's the time, I want to make sure that I am dead.

Definitely… this isn't the kind of thing you can rush, you have to truly be ready for it. Also, often the more impulsive the attempt the more likely it is to fail.

 

[Specific_Milk]

It's so frustrating because I cant talk to anybody irl about anything. This place is my only safe space and I can't even go on chat anymore to vent about stuff because I feel so fucking guilty to be taking up chat space. I dont want to be some fucking attention wh*re always whining about shit and taking advantage of the super kind people in chat but I'm really fucking suicidal and I can't keep everything to myself.. It rots my soul.. so threads is the only thing left ig..

 

[todiefor]

It's so frustrating because I cant talk to anybody irl about anything. This place is my only safe space and I can't even go on chat anymore to vent about stuff because I feel so fucking guilty to be taking up chat space. I dont want to be some fucking attention wh*re always whining about shit and taking advantage of the super kind people in chat but I'm really fucking suicidal and I can't keep everything to myself.. It rots my soul.. so threads is the only thing left ig..

Please milk come and take up chat space. No one including me ever thought u are after attention, u r really struggling and the chat is there for u to vent! Keeping everything to yourself is soul rotting totally, it's important u have a safe space to use

 

[Sandy9]

Same here. Not only am I lacking the "courage", I'm already at a point where even ctb is tiring, which is how depressed and fed up I am with life lol.

Not having the courage is one thing, but when you're tired to even "act", that's another level of struggle lol.

You put into words exactly how I've been feeling the last month or so. It's almost laughable to think you can be "too tired" to ctb despite being so miserable. But here we are.

 

[idonothing]

You simply must believe in your death. You have to truly, deeply and fully believe in the salvation that may be coming to you by leaving this world. If you do not have belief you will not have the strength or courage it takes to resist all natural instincts and remove your consciousness from this plane of existence. You must be suffering to such a degree that another moment of thinking and feeling would be a greater pain than any that would come to you by killing yourself, to have your belief in this override any hesitation or doubt. Ending your life takes extreme amounts of strength, courage, and commitment. If you don't possess those things I don't think you're likely to ever go through with it.

 

[Reuthry]

You simply must believe in your death. You have to truly, deeply and fully believe in the salvation that may be coming to you by leaving this world. If you do not have belief you will not have the strength or courage it takes to resist all natural instincts and remove your consciousness from this plane of existence. You must be suffering to such a degree that another moment of thinking and feeling would be a greater pain than any that would come to you by killing yourself, to have your belief in this override any hesitation or doubt. Ending your life takes extreme amounts of strength, courage, and commitment. If you don't possess those things I don't think you're likely to ever go through with it.

Yeah unfortunately that's true in some sense, that was what I meant by "not rushing things because you will know when you are ready to go". And it is hard to kill yourself, really, because you are programmed to live, usually unconditionally. And it is hard also because there is a little peaceful methods available to stop the suffering but the suffering becomes bigger you care less about peacefulness, because you would just seek a way out.

I think euthanasia must be available for the ill, depressed and old (I would add some criterias as well, but it is too long so I won't elaborate it). From the perspective of good, people should be allowed to die easier than it is now, one reason for that is also protecting other people from trauma, people wouldn't really choose to jump on some pavement and split into pieces if they had a better alternative. But of course in our world, governments and companies need manpower so they can work, there should be people who need to pay for some stuff so they have the system going, and then again there should be people who work and provide the things people pay for, and it is to me, a disgusting way that people are treated. But unfortunately this is how things work, the world, the nature, the universe is bunch of chaotic things piled up, and at least in my opinion, death is the only escape from it, suicide, natural death doesn't matter.

 

[oddetoad]

anything other than using N is actually insane and i cant believe people who resort to anything but N

 

[Deleted member 65988]

anything other than using N is actually insane and i cant believe people who resort to anything but N

What's so hard about it to believe when N isn't as easily available.

 

[oddetoad]

What's so hard about it to believe when N isn't as easily available.

cuz its the last thing you do why not go out in painless dignity

I mean i envy the courage but it's really not smart to not hunt down N

 

[Deleted member 65988]

cuz its the last thing you do why not go out in painless dignity

I mean i envy the courage but it's really not smart to not hunt down N

hunt it down? You're completely ignoring how not everyone as the resources to pursue such means. Now yes in an idealistic world, I'd love to jet off to another part of the world and find a way to go out peacefully but because of circumstances that aren't in my control, I have to deal with what I have. It's not even about not being smart about not hunting it down but think about the scams surrounding N, nevermind the legal implications of traveling with it across the world.

 

[oddetoad]

hunt it down? You're completely ignoring how not everyone as the resources to pursue such means. Now yes in an idealistic world, I'd love to jet off to another part of the world and find a way to go out peacefully but because of circumstances that aren't in my control, I have to deal with what I have. It's not even about not being smart about not hunting it down but think about the scams surrounding N, nevermind the legal implications of traveling with it across the world.

Just save up? How hard can it be to live poor for a while and then take the trip? I dont even know why I have to write this lol

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Just save up? How hard can it be to live poor for a while and then take the trip? I dont even know why I have to write this lol

Oh sure just save up when financial situations are all different and constrained with responsibility and difficulty before we can go hunt down a means to ctb, you're so ignorant it's unbelievable.

 

[oddetoad]

Oh sure just save up when financial situations are all different and constrained with responsibility and difficulty before we can go hunt down a means to ctb, you're so ignorant it's unbelievable.

I literally have the lowest bottom feeder job and I have the abillity to save up for it in less than 2 months. Whats your excuse?
It's a death trip meaning I dont need any cash for a flight home. I don't get it.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I literally have the lowest bottom feeder job and I have the abillity to save up for it in less than 2 months. Whats your excuse?
It's a death trip meaning I dont need any cash for a flight home. I don't get it.

You can't look inside someone's wallet and you don't have to ' get it' .
There's no need to talk someone down. You do your thing, another theirs.

 

[Suspect_Device]

I've got somewhat of a plan to ctb but I can't fucking muster up the courage to go through with it. Why the fuck am I such a wuss. I just want it over with but I'm just sat here whining about shit and not tryna fix it by either recovering or dying. I need to sneak out at night and jump off that fucking bridge. I need to do it. I need some fucking courage. For once in my miserable worthless life I'll be able to prove myself for sth if I could just fucking do it

Jumping is achieved by only the select few. You need a gun or drugs as they are significantly easier.

 

[J&L383]

You simply must believe in your death. You have to truly, deeply and fully believe in the salvation that may be coming to you by leaving this world. If you do not have belief you will not have the strength or courage it takes to resist all natural instincts and remove your consciousness from this plane of existence. You must be suffering to such a degree that another moment of thinking and feeling would be a greater pain than any that would come to you by killing yourself, to have your belief in this override any hesitation or doubt. Ending your life takes extreme amounts of strength, courage, and commitment. If you don't possess those things I don't think you're likely to ever go through with it.

Yup, it's exactly this: "You must be suffering to such a degree that another moment of thinking and feeling would be a greater pain than any that would come to you by killing yourself"

I'm getting there but not there yet, it seems. The research as to how is the easy part, then it is when, where, and the final pull of the switch (if it was only as easy as flipping a switch )

 

[Gonnerr]

I think most of them were like us , suicide is not easy , it takes time.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Sheer will power. Or a different kind of brain chemistry that produces less SI.

 

[Circles]

Because the excruciating pain many people suffer from outweighs their fear of death. Every person has their limit especially with how much pain and bullshit they can take. After a while of being suicidal you become an empty shell of yourself that the darkness and emptiness you feel becomes so enveloping that the only way to make it stop is to die or at least that's what it makes you feel you need to do.

 

[PurPurAstie]

idk man, personally for me there's "no balls?" thing in mind. i wanted to die since kindergarten, and never thought that it can be hard. i cry not from the thought of dying, but rather seeing happy people who have what i don't. or people being saved from suicide/not falling into this hole at all because there are people who support them. because i will never understand or have this, it only motivates to die more.
the only reason i'm still here is because i'm scared i won't die(AGAIN) and have a lot of problems on my current job and business relationship with people i have deals with... though my most reason is because i can become paralyzed and won't be able to continue killing myself. also if i'll end up in the psych ward or hospital once again i'll be definitely making the staff there as miserable as possible for trying to save me.
gonna try again in few hours, just ask the more effective method first in another thread

 

[FutureHanger]

willpower, desperation or something I'm not sure will be enough to beat SI but has definitely helped me during days I feel like doing nothing is to just focus on physically moving your body towards doing what you need to do, don't even think about it too much and just focus on making the physical movements you need to make so I imagine maybe some did the same and were just so focused on making the motions necessary to execute the plan they didn't have energy to worry?

 

[IWishToDie]

I've got somewhat of a plan to ctb but I can't fucking muster up the courage to go through with it. Why the fuck am I such a wuss. I just want it over with but I'm just sat here whining about shit and not tryna fix it by either recovering or dying. I need to sneak out at night and jump off that fucking bridge. I need to do it. I need some fucking courage. For once in my miserable worthless life I'll be able to prove myself for sth if I could just fucking do it

@Specific_Milk Feel like most attempts are impulsive, maybe after some serious trauma or a state of dissociation where life just feels like a dream. Life for me feels too real. That's my problem. Maybe soon I will find the balance and commit to the plan. Other people only commit when there is truly nothing left, not one shred of hope. It takes balls to defeat your ego and die, your brain at the root level let's say well - it completely wants you to survive. It does not give a sh*t about how bad things are it will make you cling to this world until the grim reaper comes for you. Survival instinct is the absolute cancer of evolution, it's disgusting and futile. Why does the strong need to survive, what is the purpose of evolution to become as strong as possible and reproduce the most and survive the longest? It's all for absolutely nothing.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

I eventually came to terms with how im going to flip out one day and either kill myself intentionally or accidentally. I think when you look at it from that perspective it makes more sense

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

If you daily existence is painful enough and suffering is unbearable it eventually beats SI

 

[Worndown]

When your situation reaches the breaking point, courage is found.