How tf do people date??

[CatLove56]

I've never had the confidence to go out with someone of either gender and never being good enough so I didn't bother. At 25 I'm starting to feel like I missed out but can't stop feeling so inadequate. Like why would someone the opposite of me find me attractive? I'm my own worst enemy I guess

 

[grungeCat]

I just want to say that I feel exactly the same and I see no longer point in dating. Everyone see me as unattractive

 

[summers]

It's not only about being attractive, it's about confidence. Very few of us (males) can get by solely on looks. But if you want to go on a date with someone, get to know them a little, find a few things in common, and ask them to meet for coffee or a drink. Don't even go full on dinner at first. Meet up, hang out for an hour, talk and gauge interest, and go from there.

Edit: You are forgetting, it's flattering to the person being asked out that someone is interested in them. But it's most important to be respectful, and take things at their pace.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

As the kids today say, you don't need a big dick. You need Big Dick Energy. Some people are better at producing or displaying it than others.

 

[Mentalmick]

I wouldn't have the first clue where to begin with dating, and I'm 47, so I'm not exactly a quick learner.

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Here.

Go get them, tiger!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Here.

Go get them, tiger!

I remember I tried to learn web design through a For Dummies book and it was still too difficult for me. I imagine this book would be the same.

 

[WornOutLife]

Umm I used to worry too much about looks and couldn't date anybody but once I learnt to cope with that dating became quite easy.
I mean, you just gotta be interesting and funny and most boys and girls will really like you.
Having common interests is always a plus.

My dates are like: drinking some beers + talking about life and love failed experiences + laughing + hugs and then kisses and sex come automatically lol.

Wish you the best and I hope you can date someone soon!
You have plenty of time because you're really young!

 

[MYStERY_Man]

I remember I tried to learn web design through a For Dummies book and it was still too difficult for me. I imagine this book would be the same.

TBH, I didn't read it, so I can't comment. I did buy Guitar for Dummies a few years back and haven't gone beyond a few chapters, but that's entirely on me.

Here's the thing: no one is born with dating skills. I don't expect to pick up my neglected guitar and play Dream Theater, it just doesn't work like that.

You don't have to develop the skills. But if you want to, there are two ways to go about it: brute-forcing or getting some kind of help. Most people do a mix of both, they try stuff and get input from friends / relatives. It's the usual way, but there's no shame in seeking other sources which could ease the process, such as this book or the opinions of a therapist.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

TBH, I didn't read it, so I can't comment. I did buy Guitar for Dummies a few years back and haven't gone beyond a few chapters, but that's entirely on me.

Here's the thing: no one is born with dating skills. I don't expect to pick up my neglected guitar and play Dream Theater, it just doesn't work like that.

You don't have to develop the skills. But if you want to, there are two ways to go about it: brute-forcing or getting some kind of help. Most people do a mix of both, they try stuff and get input from friends / relatives. It's the usual way, but there's no shame in seeking other sources which could ease the process, such as this book or the opinions of a therapist.

I suppose you're right. It couldn't hurt at least.

 

[NumbItAll]

I thought this would be more about the effort and energy involved in dating, which is something I can't understand either. Also, traditional "dates" are so lame and cumbersome like who wants to go out to eat and stare at each other face to face asking questions like a job interview. I just don't get it at all.

 

[WornOutLife]

I thought this would be more about the effort and energy involved in dating, which is something I can't understand either. Also, traditional "dates" are so lame and cumbersome like who wants to go out to eat and stare at each other face to face asking questions like a job interview. I just don't get it at all.

That's why I stopped having dates.
They were way too lame. It's always the same. I dare to say that masturbating is healthier and easier than random sex lol.

 

[StringPuppet]

Idk but it looks exhausting

 

[summers]

I thought this would be more about the effort and energy involved in dating, which is something I can't understand either. Also, traditional "dates" are so lame and cumbersome like who wants to go out to eat and stare at each other face to face asking questions like a job interview. I just don't get it at all.

That's what you do if you're old af. Dinner, movies - boring. Go shopping, hiking, set up a projector on your phone and watch a concert. That's why first date is just a meet and greet. No one is going to meet you for a hike if they don't know you. And the questions should be taken care of before you even meet each other. You're kind of describing a blind date, set up by friends or something like that.

I dare to say that masturbating is healthier and easier than random sex lol.

Maybe, but not more fun :)

 

[Anco]

I used to date when I was younger but self mutilation and bad abusive relationships have done me in at 54 I wouldn't know how. I want to leave but I think maybe Australia Ha ha

 

[CatLove56]

Umm I used to worry too much about looks and couldn't date anybody but once I learnt to cope with that dating became quite easy.
I mean, you just gotta be interesting and funny and most boys and girls will really like you.
Having common interests is always a plus.

My dates are like: drinking some beers + talking about life and love failed experiences + laughing + hugs and then kisses and sex come automatically lol.

Wish you the best and I hope you can date someone soon!
You have plenty of time because you're really young!

So I signed up for ok cupid today, answered a bunch of questions and messaged a few girls who were basically me but female lol naturally no responses. Only difference is they're not that fat like me idk I don't see how someone who isn't fat can like that but I just try not to think about it

 

[summers]

So I signed up for ok cupid today, answered a bunch of questions and messaged a few girls who were basically me but female lol naturally no responses. Only difference is they're not that fat like me idk I don't see how someone who isn't fat can like that but I just try not to think about it

Just get tinder and pof. Use a really good filter on your pics and lie.

Edit: This is how good filters are: The "girl" on the left is really the dude on the right. Remember, girls use filters as much if not more than guys.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Just get tinder and pof. Use a really good filter on your pics and lie.

Edit: This is how good filters are: The "girl" on the left is really the dude on the right. Remember, girls use filters as much if not more than guys.
View attachment 64584

I have accounts on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel that I use almost daily and still nothing. I don't think any filters could save me haha.

 

[summers]

I have accounts on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel that I use almost daily and still nothing. I don't think any filters could save me haha.

Change your profile to bi. Maybe you can make a connection with someone of the same sex. You never know if you will meet someone you find attractive and have interests in common.

Edit: regarding pics, see if you can have someone take pics for you. Selfies are the worst.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

First you have to go back in time, around 15 years or more should suffice. This is the first and the only hard step in the process but it's completely necessary. After you have time-travelled it should be smooth sailing.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Stop looking for a date!
Just talk to people with no motive, get to know people, anyone. Start chatting, ask questions, respond to their words.
Some you'll enjoy talking with, some will bore or ignore you, some you may dislike.
The more people you interact with the more competent you'll become with chatting, people will see a real you and who knows you may find a mutual attraction that leads to dates.
Good luck but mostly live and learn

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Change your profile to bi. Maybe you can make a connection with someone of the same sex. You never know if you will meet someone you find attractive and have interests in common.

Edit: regarding pics, see if you can have someone take pics for you. Selfies are the worst.

I could easily make a connection with someone of the same sex if only I were actually bi. Most of the people who do swipe right on me are biologically male, some aren't even trying to hide it.

I've been confessed to by gay men and even unintentionally had them come out of the closet to me but no matter how much I hate rejecting people, I'm just not gay. One of them even tried to convince me by molesting me and that worked about as well as expected (ie not at all). Nothing against trans women either, but I'm only attracted to biological females whether emotionally or physically.

Some of my photos are taken from friends but they're after haircuts/clothing fits they made me get that I feel like are fake. I still keep them on my profile, but if not even those are helping then I'm pretty sure I'm just that horrible.

Stop looking for a date!
Just talk to people with no motive, get to know people, anyone. Start chatting, ask questions, respond to their words.
Some you'll enjoy talking with, some will bore or ignore you, some you may dislike.
The more people you interact with the more competent you'll become with chatting, people will see a real you and who knows you may find a mutual attraction that leads to dates.
Good luck but mostly live and learn

But...corona.......

 

[CatLove56]

Just get tinder and pof. Use a really good filter on your pics and lie.

Edit: This is how good filters are: The "girl" on the left is really the dude on the right. Remember, girls use filters as much if not more than guys.
View attachment 64584

speaking of filters the women with the dog ears or perfect complexion is a complete turn off. I don't think lying about appearances is the best way to go

Idk but it looks exhausting

facts

 

[Bensharp]

Women have it easier. They can only get by looks. Not men, you gave to have confidence, be charming, be successful and still have good looks. But good looks is not essential if you have the rest. There is a whole industry devoted to coaching men on how to score dates. I don't know how you feel and how much resources you have at your disposal. Some men have to be realistic unless you have game and I mean serious game. A 6 can only attract a 6 female if you go for a 9 or 10. You will get shut down so badly.

Granted there is covid but there are plenty of places to meet women if you get out of the house, I prefer to meet women outside of online so I know what she looks like not get catfish or worse scammed or my time wasted. Dressing is important, flirting is important, be able to hold a good conversation is important, having a job is important and not giving out creepy guy vibes. I hope you get what you are looking for.

 

[Mentalmick]

Cavemen had the right idea: bear their teeth to ward of competition, make themselves look big to impress the cavebabes, blow to the back of the head with a club for foreplay, when they come around it's 18.5 seconds of disgustingly noisy sex, then when finished all the cavebabes kick fuck out of you and throw you out of the cave where you belong. Then all the cavemen kick fuck out of you for acting like a big man and throw you out of that cave too. You then die a horribly painful, bloody death when a sabre tooth cat rips you limb from limb and feeds you to it's cubs. And all is good.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Women have it easier. They can only get by looks. Not men, you gave to have confidence, be charming, be successful and still have good looks.

Lol. Men can look like Steve Buscemi and still be charming. There are so many fucking demands towards women regarding looks. Very few are really blessed enough genetically to be considered attractive without blowing stupid money on their looks.
Really, I don't mean to offend, it's just that no one really has it easy. Dating scene is shit. I am lobbying friendly sex, I'd even consider losing 30 pounds and impoving my looks just to promote the friends with benefits agenda (well, if I still had any real friends). Meet people, get to know them as people, and they can become your true love (not everyone though). Tinder is for one night stands full of regret.

 

[Lmd]

If you are ugly and don't know how to take charismatic photos then fill the profile with cats, It always work.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

If you are ugly and don't know how to take charismatic photos then fill the profile with cats, It always work.

For me that would definitely be false advertising because I'm allergic to cats.

 

[Lmd]

For me that would definitely be false advertising because I'm allergic to cats.

Whatever fits you!