Discussion How suicidal are you?

[Jodes]

I got the options from here:

https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/suicide/scale-suicide-suicidal-you/

 

[wanttodie]

8. You begin putting your suicide plan into place. You feel you have nothing to live for

 

[Xerxes]

I'm using the 3 day rule. If I'm feeling shitty on the first day, but the next 3 days are better then I won't go through. If I had 3 days in a row that were bad, then I'll go through with it.

 

[Jodes]

Thoughts of suicide are frequent and you consistently feel like you want to die

Not a bad day

 

[Jodes]

I'm using the 3 day rule. If I'm feeling shitty on the first day, but the next 3 days are better then I won't go through. If I had 3 days in a row that were bad, then I'll go through with it.

Used it often??

 

[Xerxes]

Used it often??

I'm still here.

 

[dreznik87]

I do the same thing as Xerxes but use a week.
My New Years resolution for 2016 was if I am still doing this all year it will be my last year. I still did it in 2016, 2017, 2018....

Beating the will to live is fucking hard.
Now I have actively started planning and the thought of death brings me relief, but I still don't know at times, it's all so complicated.

I don't want to die, I want my pre accident health back.
But circumstances out of my control mean that can not happen.
Really I need a fucking time machine so it never happened in the first place.

My accident was 2002, my cognitive function the next 2 years was bad but then improved.
Through 2007 - 2013 I managed to hold down a full time job that I absolutely loved and payed very well. I got married and had a child.
Then I had a fucking seizure and changed overnight, lesions on my brain were found (that can show up years after a TBI for many reasons)
I lost my job, my house and I've been in a steady decline since then with my wife, my family and her family growing to resent me more and more.

I can't provide for my daughter financially and most days can't even play with her etc. I love her so much, it fills me with guilt knowing I want to end my life.
My daughter is the only one who loves me unconditionally, but I worry as she grows older she will hate me either way anyway.

I don't know why I am ranting or doing it in this particular post I can't even remember the original topic.
I hate this time of year, I miss my old life so much, this isn't the life I want. It is so painfully fucking boring, I am bitter and jealous of everyone who enjoys life, I can't regulate my moods etc, it's fucking exhausting.

Sorry guys, this sucks. I hate living below my potential due to circumstances out of my control.

If I knew I could get better I'd stick around, but for the last 2 years both my neurologist & psychiatrist just tell me it's about managing "quality of life" and see what "future medical advances bring" They have me on large doses of habit forming medications, which did work initially, but have not now for a long time. I don't want to wait any longer suffering.

Sorry for the rant, I'm confused. I wish I just never existed in the first place that would be better. I'm sorry. Man I am angry at my parents for making me exist, blah.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

It jumps for me...

I've gone from "Thoughts of suicide are frequent and you consistently feel like you want to die" to "Thoughts of suicide occur every day. Almost everything reminds you of suicide and death" in a matter of several years.

Yesterday, I was at "You start making a plan on how to commit suicide."

After talking to my husband last night about some about my concerns and some possibilities about the future, it's now jumped to a combo of "You begin putting your suicide plan into place. You feel you have nothing to live for." and "You might feel a sense of relief knowing that you will soon be dead."

All that's left now is the last option, but we'll see if it really gets that far.

(Edit: typo)

 

[TiredHorse]

Varies between 8 and 10, depending on how the day goes.

Really I need a fucking time machine so it never happened in the first place.

This is me. I want my Beloved back. I want our life back. I want my creativity back. Just give me 13 months into the past...!

 

[Misanthrope]

None of those options really fit for me. It is more of a case that now I am informed on my method, thanks to a very thorough thread on this site. I have a kind of peace as a result. There is a sadness it is inevitable but that is as far as it goes. So suicide is not on my mind in any sort of distressing way. It is more like I can focus on quality of life in the moment with the knowledge when it dips below a certain threshold, I can leave relatively painlessly. That in itself has actually made my days more bearable.

So just wanted to say thanks to @TiredHorse who has made it easier for me to live in the now. I am grateful for that. More than you can know.

 

[Thoughtforms]

5...
but I was 8-10 for all of November. There was no way I could conceive not killing myself, and every second of the day.

I escaped my triggers and got help

 

[TiredHorse]

So just wanted to say thanks to @TiredHorse who has made it easier for me to live in the now. I am grateful for that. More than you can know.

I don't know what exactly I did, @Misanthrope, but if it has made your life easier, I am pleased and humbled that I improved your life. You are most welcome.

 

[Jodes]

None of those options really fit for me. It is more of a case that now I am informed on my method, thanks to a very thorough thread on this site. I have a kind of peace as a result. There is a sadness it is inevitable but that is as far as it goes. So suicide is not on my mind in any sort of distressing way. It is more like I can focus on quality of life in the moment with the knowledge when it dips below a certain threshold, I can leave relatively painlessly. That in itself has actually made my days more bearable.

So just wanted to say thanks to @TiredHorse who has made it easier for me to live in the now. I am grateful for that. More than you can know.

I thought you'd become a bit quiet, was relieved to see you the other day

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Since my health is deteriorating, I'm 10/10 going to CTB in February.

 

[Kingkelly]

If all goes as planned I will CBT Saturday

 

[Moth]

For me it varies day by day, hour by hour. Currently I'm what I'd describe as passively suicidal. No active 'I'm going to die tonight 'planning. But Ive got plans, I'm going through with them. Hopefully they will work. I'm done with grand screaming bloody attempts. Just going to slip away one day

 

[Pegasus]

In my case it varies from day to day.

 

[Final Escape]

8. You begin putting your suicide plan into place. You feel you have nothing to live for

I'm at this stage myself. It's not that there's nothing to live for, it's very complicated. I have really difficult problems that are not easily solveable that will lead me to destitution and extreme poverty. The people in my life are not enough to make me want to stay around. I care about them, and enjoy spending time with them but they can't fix me or help much. Nobody can, that's why I have to end it.

 

[Lefty]

I'm at 2-3 right now. Last month I was at 8. I went to the dr and stuff tried to get help. Of course they gave me some anti-depressants, I can't tell if they're working or not, but I don't feel like 8 right now. Of course with all my problems, I will eventually have to end myself. At least it feels decent to not feel super low all the time. Hugs to all those feeling super low.

 

[Final Escape]

I'm at 2-3 right now. Last month I was at 8. I went to the dr and stuff tried to get help. Of course they gave me some anti-depressants, I can't tell if they're working or not, but I don't feel like 8 right now. Of course with all my problems, I will eventually have to end myself. At least it feels decent to not feel super low all the time. Hugs to all those feeling super low.

Hugs back :)

 

[alfie]

On my way right now... Hopefully, this is farewell...

 

[Jodes]

On my way right now... Hopefully, this is farewell...

Peace and farewell

 

[Misanthrope]

I thought you'd become a bit quiet, was relieved to see you the other day

That is very kind of you to be thinking of me. I am as okay as I can be. It helps I just picked up Skyrim and am now busy shouting dragons out of the sky!

 

[pleasethistime]

I cant see option 6

 

[pleasethistime]

11 I am already dead.

 

[Help_Me]

Seven. Guys, i literally NEED to kill myself. Everytime i look at something i begin to actually THINK how exactly i can use it to end my life. Sounds familiar to anyone ?

 

[Jodes]

Seven. Guys, i literally NEED to kill myself. Everytime i look at something i begin to actually THINK how exactly i can use it to end my life. Sounds familiar to anyone ?

I was like that briefly once, terrifying. Heard about it here a bit

 

[Xerxes]

Seven. Guys, i literally NEED to kill myself. Everytime i look at something i begin to actually THINK how exactly i can use it to end my life. Sounds familiar to anyone ?

Like, if you go to a BBQ restaurant, and automatically think about climbing in the giant smoker type of thinking?

 

[Help_Me]

Like, if you go to a BBQ restaurant, and automatically think about climbing in the giant smoker type of thinking?

Yes, Xerxes. Almost anything.... Xerxes, sorry i can't type anymore, i've a strong convulsions and i am extremely terryfied of making a stupid mistake.. i am sorry Xerxes

 

[Help_Me]

I was like that briefly once, terrifying. Heard about it here a bit

I wish you NEVER ever feel something like that... i dont want you to suffer...