Story How Something/Someone stopped me from ending it all

[sólstafir]

One time I was in an empty field, rope was ready, my chosen tree was next to river, the moon was shining over me, felt like I'm alone in universe, I was sitting calmly and smoking, felt like I was having a last conversation with my soul. And I was completating whether God is in that moment with me or not, I haven't been a believer, but there has always been deep relationship with my own soul - something that doesn't express itself, the real 'me', I don't know how to describe it, so I'm never sure if there is God outside of me, watching over me, or is it just me. Everything felt surreal. It was just the big empty field, river, forest, moon, stars and me. And suddenly I felt so... peaceful and free, the life... it felt like nothing, it felt like I'm ready to give it up for forever. And although I had been standing next to that same tree countless times before, I had never felt like I'm ready, absolutely ready. "Now I'm ready to hang myself" I knew it now, I stood up, I've never felt more confident, more at peace, I smiled, smiled from my soul. I pretty much run towards my tree and then I heared the most loud noise, a splash in the river, like a big rock fell from the sky, and that woke me up from my meditation-like state, completely ended my peace and it felt like a slap to my soul. Like someone hit me. I had had so deep feelings with myself, that it felt like someone directly talked with my soul making it clear I was wrong. I looked at the river and saw the water circles on the surfice of river, and to this day I don't know what it was. It couldn't be a fish, because the splash was too loud for that, maybe it was some branch that fell from the tree, whatever it was, it stopped me because it ended my peace, and I took it very personally:D and I turned around and went home, thinking of God.

 

[Sickman75]

Maybe it was God's way of letting you know that it wasn't your time to go. I'm a big believer in God.

 

[21Neberg]

So how are you doing now? Are you still suicidal or are you looking for help?

 

[brighter]

Hold on. Until it's too hard and nothing stops you. then you can let go. You're not meant to die yet :)

 

[leaps]

Sweet story :)