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I

idiotstillwantstodie

Student
Nov 11, 2021
169
I have a little money and nobody to leave it to when i ctb. Whats the best way to burn through it? Would gambling be a good way to get rid of it? If i actually won i probably wouldn't ctb, so it's a win-win no matter what happens!
 
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stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,918
Whatever "satisfies" you.
So. If money is the motive to carry on at life… I wish you abundance and happiness.
 
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NearlyIrrelevantCake

NearlyIrrelevantCake

The Cake Is A Lie
Aug 12, 2021
1,817
Whatever "satisfies" you.
I agree with this.

If I had money to blow through, it would go to food and drugs, because I enjoy both of those pleasures.
 
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Interloper

Interloper

Jul 23, 2021
689
2 chicks at the same time, man.
 
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Lost Magic

Lost Magic

Illuminated
May 5, 2020
3,206
It depends on what you want out of the remainder of your life. I will blow mine on a final destination trip. It might be a one way visit.
 
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Snake of Eden

Snake of Eden

“Ye shall be as gods..🍎 🐍”
Jun 22, 2021
2,473
I started donating portion of my money by giving handouts to causes close to my heart or people I sympathize with. Go on gofundme and look for things you feel like contributing to. It sure boosted my self esteem and morale to feeling i made even little difference before i leave. Enjoy yourself but dont over do it, there is no point in overindulging as once you pass a certain threshold you would start feeling worse.
 
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miserableforever

miserableforever

Arcanist
Oct 23, 2020
488
I have a little money and nobody to leave it to when i ctb. Whats the best way to burn through it? Would gambling be a good way to get rid of it? If i actually won i probably wouldn't ctb, so it's a win-win no matter what happens!
I'd travel and say my goodbyes to this place wherever I go. I would buy expensive perfume oils, nice headphones for my favorite music, a camera to take pics, and surround myself with nature.
Not a fan of drugs and all that stuff.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
1,474
Do what billionaire detective does and use them to light cigars. Buy that really nice 1000€ massage chair. Or buy stocks with them. With stocks you won't at least lose all your money, though it might take time for the money to grow.
 
Suicidebydeath

Suicidebydeath

No chances to be happy - dead inside
Nov 25, 2021
3,558
I'd say buy BTC(bitcoin), it'd make a nice gift for someone someday, not least since it's the currency used to purchase N, but I'm probably going to spend some of mine if my life doesn't get on track, because I might as well try to make myself/someone else happy before I ctb.
 
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D

D2021

Looking for info
Oct 28, 2021
39
I have a little money and nobody to leave it to when i ctb. Whats the best way to burn through it? Would gambling be a good way to get rid of it? If i actually won i probably wouldn't ctb, so it's a win-win no matter what happens!
If its something that can impact someone like yourself then use it for them and of course do something for yourself if possible without the drugs and alcohol. If you can stay I would encourage you to do so but if not the choice is always yours.
 
DeutscheKartoffel

DeutscheKartoffel

Reclaiming my human rights & liberty thru suicide.
Dec 12, 2021
361
Gambling would be the worst way to blow your money.
Imagine losing so much money before committing suicide.

You are not gonna think about your life in your last moment,
but that "another defeat" is just gonna destroy your last piece of self-esteem before you die.

That's just sad.
 
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stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,918
Well. Money was money. Shit was shit. People were people.

At it wouldn't change how I felt. It wouldn't change the abuse, it wouldn't change the repeated abuse, it would change the destruction of my life. It wouldn't change how I feel or how I felt. It wouldn't change the attention competition that people kept "playing."

It would've enabled me to get the fuck through college without being repeatedly raped and dragged around when I was 19.

I made a lot when I did 3 jobs and full time school. I had narrowly ducked, dodged, and avoided death that year but it was met with complete devastation and repeated problems because of evil people. I had every intent of giving what I bought to whoever, whenever. I wondered if my mother would "love" me or "care" or stop telling me how worthless I was or that I wasn't "good enough." That she'd never go to my graduation if I ever did graduate. It really hurt my feelings. I felt like committing suicide. I felt invisible at home even when I wasn't living with her. All of her prying and poking and fucking with me went too far. 2017 was a bad year. I was poisoned.

It only went from bad to worse. Everything was stolen. It was supposed to be given away. Greedy people! What the fuck? Wasting money and time. Just wasting it. Everything to stalk, lie, steal, break my life to crumbling pieces. All about THEM and what THEY wanted. Like I was some sort of possession and not a person. Oh the betrayal.

2018? That mass overdose? Oh fuck yeah and we all know why.

2019? I was "late for a very important date" with someone. Would've been better off. "Say whatever. Take all the glory with you."
"There is no glory in this."

Well, I left, and things got "better" for a short time, only to be met by the destruction of my terrible family and their evil fuckin "game".

I kept putting up with toxic jobs and an abusive partner,

Stood "strong" in 2020. Only for shit disturbing roommates and a crappy employer to lie and accuse and steal and nag and prod, especially when I was taking time off due to a death. And the "relatives" and "system" making that situation so much worse.

2021. Finally, it took forever. I got "out" of a bad situation. It was a relief. But I was met by the same ignorance, same bullshit, same attention competition. Same "oh please keep talking I just want to hear mooooore." Yeah? You left? Must be a good reason to steal your phones and your vehicle and whatever out of it.

Now it's almost over. Wow.

"Holiday time."
You watch the hours and the minutes go by, but PTSD and flashbacks just "consume" your existence.
You're in a "tunnel."

People "casually observe" as you wash windows.
Yeah. Casually observing. Right.

Just like when you would sleep or eat, oh it's so fascinating.
Just like before. How fucking annoying. Staring. Prying.


They say I'm "out of it now."
That doesn't bring me justice.

I still feel like committing suicide.

I wish I could've had a better time in my adolescent years and less abuse in my teenage years and young adult years.

It wasn't okay that they kept buying and sending crap and "convincing" me to deal with an abuser all the time or that I couldn't get out of his abuse.

Nothing would change any of it.

It's just too late, and my self esteem in the garbage.
I tried to "profile" the "why" behind a lot of things and there was never really an answer outside of "insanity."

It wasn't my imagination.

Nothing new.

I wish I could hit a "reset" button and have all the wasted time and effort back.

The wasted words and the wasted breath.

I feel terrible.
Ready for another overdose.
It sucks big time.
 
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I

idiotstillwantstodie

Student
Nov 11, 2021
169
Gambling would be the worst way to blow your money.
Imagine losing so much money before committing suicide.

You are not gonna think about your life in your last moment,
but that "another defeat" is just gonna destroy your last piece of self-esteem before you die.

That's just sad.
Well not really if i'm not even expecting to win.
 
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Painless_end

Painless_end

Life is too difficult for me
Oct 11, 2019
794
Odd question. If you are really determined and confident that you will be able to successfully CTB then you could spend the money on anything in the world that you like.
 
S

Someone123

Illuminated
Oct 19, 2021
3,875
I have a little money and nobody to leave it to when i ctb. Whats the best way to burn through it? Would gambling be a good way to get rid of it? If i actually won i probably wouldn't ctb, so it's a win-win no matter what happens!
My opinion is you may want to consider keeping it in case you postpone ctb- people do struggle with SI and postpone ctb all the time. Donn't worry, you won't win at gambling over time unless you are very scientific about it and count cards in blackjack or something like that, which most people can't do without a lot of practice.
 
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I

idiotstillwantstodie

Student
Nov 11, 2021
169
Well. Money was money. Shit was shit. People were people.

At it wouldn't change how I felt. It wouldn't change the abuse, it wouldn't change the repeated abuse, it would change the destruction of my life. It wouldn't change how I feel or how I felt. It wouldn't change the attention competition that people kept "playing."

It would've enabled me to get the fuck through college without being repeatedly raped and dragged around when I was 19.

I made a lot when I did 3 jobs and full time school. I had narrowly ducked, dodged, and avoided death that year but it was met with complete devastation and repeated problems because of evil people. I had every intent of giving what I bought to whoever, whenever. I wondered if my mother would "love" me or "care" or stop telling me how worthless I was or that I wasn't "good enough." That she'd never go to my graduation if I ever did graduate. It really hurt my feelings. I felt like committing suicide. I felt invisible at home even when I wasn't living with her. All of her prying and poking and fucking with me went too far. 2017 was a bad year. I was poisoned.

It only went from bad to worse. Everything was stolen. It was supposed to be given away. Greedy people! What the fuck? Wasting money and time. Just wasting it. Everything to stalk, lie, steal, break my life to crumbling pieces. All about THEM and what THEY wanted. Like I was some sort of possession and not a person. Oh the betrayal.

2018? That mass overdose? Oh fuck yeah and we all know why.

2019? I was "late for a very important date" with someone. Would've been better off. "Say whatever. Take all the glory with you."
"There is no glory in this."

Well, I left, and things got "better" for a short time, only to be met by the destruction of my terrible family and their evil fuckin "game".

I kept putting up with toxic jobs and an abusive partner,

Stood "strong" in 2020. Only for shit disturbing roommates and a crappy employer to lie and accuse and steal and nag and prod, especially when I was taking time off due to a death. And the "relatives" and "system" making that situation so much worse.

2021. Finally, it took forever. I got "out" of a bad situation. It was a relief. But I was met by the same ignorance, same bullshit, same attention competition. Same "oh please keep talking I just want to hear mooooore." Yeah? You left? Must be a good reason to steal your phones and your vehicle and whatever out of it.

Now it's almost over. Wow.

"Holiday time."
You watch the hours and the minutes go by, but PTSD and flashbacks just "consume" your existence.
You're in a "tunnel."

People "casually observe" as you wash windows.
Yeah. Casually observing. Right.

Just like when you would sleep or eat, oh it's so fascinating.
Just like before. How fucking annoying. Staring. Prying.


They say I'm "out of it now."
That doesn't bring me justice.

I still feel like committing suicide.

I wish I could've had a better time in my adolescent years and less abuse in my teenage years and young adult years.

It wasn't okay that they kept buying and sending crap and "convincing" me to deal with an abuser all the time or that I couldn't get out of his abuse.

Nothing would change any of it.

It's just too late, and my self esteem in the garbage.
I tried to "profile" the "why" behind a lot of things and there was never really an answer outside of "insanity."

It wasn't my imagination.

Nothing new.

I wish I could hit a "reset" button and have all the wasted time and effort back.

The wasted words and the wasted breath.

I feel terrible.
Ready for another overdose.
It sucks big time.
I also got bullied a few years back and my self esteem is also in the garbage because of this. But i look at it this way: if i never had the strength to beat those abusive people in the first place, then why was i even feeling good about myself before being abused? I feel bad too but wouldn't change it. I feel enlightened. I am a weakling, just like the people who abused me, perhaps a more sympathetic weakling but so what? Only power matters in the end.

I am a weakling and I have no interest in living in this world together with all those other disgusting weaklings.
Odd question. If you are really determined and confident that you will be able to successfully CTB then you could spend the money on anything in the world that you like
Yes but what are the things that wouldn't normally occur to a person? Most people who know that they are going to die soon are not physically healthy with (relatively) lot of money to spend.
 
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S

summers

Visionary
Nov 4, 2020
2,493
I also got bullied a few years back and my self esteem is also in the garbage because of this. But i look at it this way: if i never had the strength to beat those abusive people in the first place, then why was i even feeling good about myself before being abused? I feel bad too but wouldn't change it. I feel enlightened. I am a weakling, just like the people who abused me, perhaps a more sympathetic weakling but so what? Only power matters in the end.

I am a weakling and I have no interest in living in this world together with all those other disgusting weaklings.

Yes but what are the things that wouldn't normally occur to a person? Most people who know that they are going to die soon are not physically healthy person with (relatively) lot of money to spend.
Steroids, protein shakes and boxing/jui-jitsu/Muay Thai classes. Based on your response, you don't want to feel weak and get bullied. Honestly, those are pretty easy to fix if you don't have a physical condition. Pm me if you need some sources.
 
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I

idiotstillwantstodie

Student
Nov 11, 2021
169
My opinion is you may want to consider keeping it in case you postpone ctb- people do struggle with SI and postpone ctb all the time. Donn't worry, you won't win at gambling over time unless you are very scientific about it and count cards in blackjack or something like that, which most people can't do without a lot of practice.
This is actually a very good point. I've been kind of following this already, ive tried not to make any dramatic moves, not to tell other people etc. It will potentially only create more confusion to my life and make my ctb more difficult.
Steroids, protein shakes and boxing/jui-jitsu/Muay Thai classes. Based on your response, you don't want to feel weak and get bullied. Honestly, those are pretty easy to fix if you don't have a physical condition. Pm me if you need some sources.
I don't feel that powerless. I'm not a big guy but i got a shotgun. If i was feeling really pissed off i would go and shoot some bullies. Believe me, ive been thinking about it. But nobody really bullied me that hard. It would make no sense as a retaliation. I already know that most bullies are just pathetic cowards. They are the ones who feel powerless.


When i think about power i think about the big picture. Not just who you can beat up, i mean the political and financial aspects of it. I have zero qualities which would help me to gain any power like this. And i've known this for a long time. My existence is totally pointless
 
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