How serious are you currently?

[Hope:-)]

I'm at 95%

 

[Trezzohno]

100%
I just need to be home alone to finally do it

 

[Darkover]

i've been at 100 percent for 6 years just haven't got a method i would want yet due to lack of money and motivation on my part if i had N i would be gone by now

 

[Klophy]

I always feel like i'm at 99% and that 1% is somehow stopping me...

Might be that i'm scared of the method or just the general fear of all of it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

100% and 0%. i have bpd and am in a bit of a situation. some moments im ready to grab the rope and say f it, other moments im taking a deep breath thinking i can fix this. sadly i have to wait a few months to know for sure which way my situation is going to go.

 

[Grav]

Right now about 55%

 

[8evergo]

100% only it's hard to do it alone

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course I am very serious about dying. Non existence is the absence of suffering and it would solve all my problems. Staying alive is just prolonging my misery and there is no point to living. The thing that holds me back, as I have mentioned many times is that ctb is very difficult and I have the fear of the method failing. If it was easier to leave this life behind, I would already be gone. It is unfair how it is so hard to leave this world. A peaceful exit from this life should be a human right.

 

[houseofleaves]

95%, but not right now, i have things to do.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

0%. I don't have energy to do anything. I am nothing more then existence.

 

[setoursailsagain]

Some days its 90%+ and I feel like I can't possibly go another day and other days it's low and there are loads of things I don't want to miss out on.

 

[Wanderingthroughdark]

95%
I am just done with this world.
But haven't gotten my hands on SN yet.

 

[Hope:-)]

Looking for a partner but hard to find someone who is both serious enough and wants to do the sn method.

Thanks for your responses guys. I read every one.

x

 

[outrider567]

Usually always about 90% and higher---but can't CTB til my brother passes away from cancer---Otherwise my $350K will then go to his kids minus $120,000 which my brother owes to the IRS(I don't think my late girlfriend's money should go to pay his IRS tax bill)--I guess perhaps I should change my Will again, to the St Judes Childrens Cancer Research Center only,and skip my brother entirely,since he is now being supported by my Stepmother and a Trust--but it cost another $450 to amend my Will each time--EDIT: lawyer says will only charge me $250 to change Will,so I'm going to change the Will after all----After I sign the new Will in a week or two, that will be one less roadblock to my CTB

 

[blue_muse]

Think it's best I don't say .

 

[dtjb]

50% or less now. When I joined though, 80% and actively looking for ways to combat the SI.

Ironically, joining and finding other like-minded people where I can talk without hearing platitudes and can listen to people who know what it feels like has been comforting in a way and actually lessened my resolve. I also stopped focusing on collapse-related stuff in the past week as much so I've been a bit better. I have bipolar though, so the next downturn is always right around the corner. Idk.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I actually don't know. I still don't know myself or my own mind enough (I've been analysing myself for years and still none the wiser), I really can't say if I'll be able to go through with it or even start it. I hope so though.

I think I'm gonna see the year out as there are a couple things on the news that will be big stories at the end of the year which I want to follow (one is a UK trial the other is what will happen with Monkeypox). Usually I don't care, especially now I'm more depressed than ever but I do want to see how those two things play out. I'm also deciding whether to go to therapy or not.

I also think I should wait a few more months as I lost my grandmother 6 months ago and think it'll be in poor form to make my mother go through another major loss so soon. Plus she has trouble with one of my brothers so she has loads to deal with and so I'm hoping he will be ok by the end of the year. Timing is everything.

 

[Sun n showers]

i've been at 100 percent for 6 years just haven't got a method i would want yet due to lack of money and motivation on my part if i had N i would be gone by now

Same

 

[hellispink]

I have always been clear that I hate my existence. I wish I was not born. Dealing with being alive and having to take a decision regarding it is very exhausting for me. I am always thorn between leaving forever and persisting. Fighting my survival instinct is difficult. Taking this decision is the most courageous thing I can do for myself. I am giving myself space and time to figure out what is it that I want to do next.

 

[DreamSurfer]

I am about 85%-95% Ready. Life with BPD is absolute hell. With no apparent relief from it even available. World is getting worse. About to turn 40 and just over everything. Trying to get N or SN so I can ctb in late August after a few friend's bdays pass.

 

[chloramine]

80% right at this moment? I oscillate between being in the 90s and 70s-80s fairly regularly

 

[8evergo]

I want to go but not alone

 

[madebrief]

I am serious and prepared to CTB. I'm prepared to go out alone and have a nice playlist ready. Method and timing are the two issues. I am now waiting for SN and other tools to arrive - this is my method. I have a hotel and date booked for this. It means I will have to play along for a while with the rest of the world keeping up appearances.
The other option is CO which I can now do anytime from now but timing is still tricky.
Sadly, my time has come and I no longer see any value in living.
It has been like this over a short while with unprepared planning. Now over time and with better planning I am prepared and ready. it's the pretending I have to keep up with.

 

[Hope:-)]

Thanks for the responses guys. I make a point to read them all. Hope you're all doing ok x

 

[MountainMonkey]

If I had N in my presence, I wouldn't be typing this. I may be impulsive, but lately every day has given me a reason to ctb.

 

[mondoCruel]

I want to do it. But I'm not technically suicidal at the moment
it's not like I learned to appreciate life, life sucks. If you give me a button that deletes my existence immediately I push it. But ending everything is too much effort and high chances of failure

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I am extremely tired of this life and my incapable self, the only reason that keeps me here is my GF but I feel like she's distancing herself from me because of my problems.
I don't blame her. I am horribly mentally ill and have so many regrets and fears that I can't lift from my depression even a little bit.
I feel guilty and sad that I didn't go through CTB three years ago.

 

[Getmeouttaherenow]

GF but I feel like she's distancing herself from me because of my

I'm sorry to hear that. Experienced years of that which finally ended in a break up recently

My mom is currently the only one keeping me here but I worry greatly about my will to keep going. Life gets harder while my mental health keeps sinking

 

[toasterbath]

The percentage is going higher and higher everyday. I am already at like 1000%. I just don't have all the supplies or the energy to plan and execute it perfectly

 

[ForceUser101]

I just need some N and im good to go