Discussion How real are you here?

[Silenos]

It's not uncommon for people to have a somewhat different online persona than what their personality is like in real life.

Currently I tend to play the part of someone who's quite carefree and prefers shitposting to serious discussion. In real life you would see that this is but a small part of me, and that I'm mostly super depressed with anxiety always around the corner if something unexpected happens. When I was posting here about a year ago I was very much true to myself, because that's what I needed from this place. Then someone I knew found me here and this place wasn't safe to me anymore. Besides that I feel like I've said pretty much all I needed to say. I'm ready to die, but until such time I'll try to get the most enjoyment out of life that I can.

So how about you? Are you completely yourself here, or do you act like someone you wish you were?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

IRL I'm more or less completely silent when not dropping one-liners and jokes. I'm going to discard everything I've done IRL or said here while my meds were still in effect. My meds were somehow still in effect (to some extent) during almost all of my time here. Anyway, I don't really have one solid personality, it keeps shifting along with my unstable worldview. I can become religious, change fundamental philosophical positions, change my self-view, pick up or drop any goals and values at the drop of a hat, etc. So it's kind of hard for me to know what I actually am/think most of the time, since it'll just change.

Anyway, being against unnecessary suffering and appreciating humor seem to be my anchors.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Pretty much the same as I am here. I stopped putting on airs and wearing masks around people online and off a good while back. Way I see it, if people don't like me for me, fuck 'em. I don't need them in my life anyways.

 

[odradek]

I think I'm able to express my true emotional state to an extent here. I could never do this irl and I still mostly wear a mask there. I wouldn't say I'm happy-go-lucky irl but I'm less outwardly depressed I guess.

However, I'm not truly myself here either for various reasons. I kind of hold myself back in both sides of my life. I'm not real anywhere I suppose.

 

[chocolatebar]

I used to hide my feelings IRL, but it's too tiring, so I'm being the same everywhere since then.
Note: My life stays the same

 

[TheHatedOne]

I'm actually the real person in here because irl I'm not given any chance so can't express myself in any way.

 

[Manaaja]

I don't know. I feel like I can never be the real me in this world. That would require having a different body and different life experiences and different planet and different parents and different universe and multiverse and everything.

I don't want to be this person who I currently am. I wanna be someone positive and someone who can do more than just talk, but I don't know how...

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I am even cooler than this IRL which I know is hard to even conceptualize.

 

[stellabelle]

It's not uncommon for people to have a somewhat different online persona than what their personality is like in real life.

Currently I tend to play the part of someone who's quite carefree and prefers shitposting to serious discussion. In real life you would see that this is but a small part of me, and that I'm mostly super depressed with anxiety always around the corner if something unexpected happens. When I was posting here about a year ago I was very much true to myself, because that's what I needed from this place. Then someone I knew found me here and this place wasn't safe to me anymore. Besides that I feel like I've said pretty much all I needed to say. I'm ready to die, but until such time I'll try to get the most enjoyment out of life that I can.

So how about you? Are you completely yourself here, or do you act like someone you wish you were?

I'm relatively certain every stalker and creep pulled their whisper shit and reads it. Just because they're creeps. As if it's some sort of "gold mine" of "entertainment". Selfish people. Selfish people that go wahhhh omg.

 

[Idontrecognizemyself]

Oooh haha this is a loaded question. I think I try to be as authentic here as I can be. I really like helping people and being kind to others,I hope I come off as nice here.

That being said, I suffered such degrees of emotional, mental, verbal abuse, withholding, etc growing up that I became such a rat. Slinking around in the dark, always fabricating a new personalities to please those around me, constantly lying to survive. Absolute impulsive lier now, I've told so many lies that sometimes I can't remember some entire aspects of my life/past, I can't really tell the pretend from the reality anymore. And it's okay, like I said, I became this because it was necessary to get out of where I was alive, but sometimes when it's quiet and I'm alone, I have this sinking realization that I have absolutely no idea who I actually am under all the stories and pretend okay-ness. There is no genuine substance to me as a human that I didn't just make up one day because I thought I could benefit from it. And that's really scary to me.

But yeah idk I'm doing my best to be real & present for you guys I hope you like this personality!!!

 

[netrezven]

I would never ever share into the outerwolrd what i share here. It's just that i feel comfort in little bit of privacy and anonymity and here can be more myself. I know it's not hard for someone to track or hack me out of a leaked database and so on. It's not like i'm in hiding, but still happy i won't meet anyone from mine "real" world.
And here or in life or don't have one single personality or type or way of thinking, or style or anything. No one knows all of me anyway, so basically to everyone i'm completely different person.

 

[OrcWitch]

I'm much more silly and lighthearted outside of this website. I don't know if I'm being fake or just don't feel like being playful on a suicide forum

 

[stygal]

I don't talk to strangers/new people outside of work - so I'm even more quiet in rl.

I'm also not really depressed or sad. I think I bottle up all my sadness and despair and bring it to this place. But not even here I dwell on bad things for too long.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I try to be about as real as I can be without giving away too much personal info about myself. There's plenty of times where I just don't have the energy to fully say how I feel about a topic or sometimes I want to make a reply that would probably just make everyone hate me so I refrain from it…

 

[Soulless Angel]

Im pretty honest who I am, to the point I have pretty much said who I am, Only difference with real life, I have to fake happieness I don't need to do that here

 

[Silenos]

I feel like I can never be the real me in this world.

I relate to this quite a bit. There is a real me, but it's reserved only for me, alone at home. My close friends get to see the closest thing to the real me, but it's still not quite there.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

For me it is a 50/50 split. On Sanctioned Suicide I will often express how I feel honestly. In the real world I do not express myself as much, but it is not necessarily because I am trying to put on a false personality in real life, but instead I am just much more quiet in reality. If somebody ever did ask for my input I would probably try to be as honest with my response(s) as I am online - except on the topic of suicide... maybe. The only time this would not happen is if I was experiencing anxiety which usually results in an almost total mental lockdown.

 

[Silenos]

If somebody ever did ask for my input I would probably try to be as honest with my response(s) as I am online - except on the topic of suicide...

Funny you mention that. I'm actually completely open about how suicidal I feel to whomever. The only thing I leave out is that I've actually got serious plans.

 

[$nowLeopard]

My true self hides behind many layers at this point, I can't be myself not with family or here.

 

[Silenos]

My true self hides behind many layers at this point, I can't be myself not with family or here.

There is an idea of a $nowLeopard. Some kind of abstration.
But there is no real you, only an entity, something illusory.

 

[motel rooms]

So how about you? Are you completely yourself here, or do you act like someone you wish you were?

I'm exactly like this around other people irl too. Yes, I'm masturbating as I'm typing this out with one hand.

I guess I act like someone I wish I was because people on here keep telling me I come across as happy. My forum persona is me at my most extroverted & entertaining, so it's not a total fabrication. I don't get much out of venting, so I almost never do it. What's there to say? I have the same nightmares & flashbacks of abuse every single day; they make me want to die, but they're tiresome to write & read about. I'm not comfortable with being perceived as a helpless victim. I don't want to be known primarily as that guy who was molested by his own father & I certainly don't have the guts to talk about all the things he did to me as a child. Everything I've said about my sex addiction/promiscuity is true, I really occasionally top unattractive guys for money & I really married an alcoholic sex worker who is 12 years younger than me 6 days ago.

Sometimes I forget that a lot of members are extremely sensitive & that not everyone's into playful sarcasm & purposely gratuitous vulgarity. I also tend to forget that not everyone's from a culture that encourages & rewards argumentative behavior. My people argue all the time & nobody takes it seriously. I apologize to everyone I may have offended by being too blunt.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I'm more real here than I'm irl to most people. Here I don't have need to cover up all the thoughts and feelings, that I would not normally reveal outside of this site...

 

[waterstrider]

I don't really have a strong character/persona, neither irl nor here. I just don't know who I'm supposed to be. Nobody important.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not have much of a personality. Of course on here I post about how I feel and how much I hate this existence. I would never share these thoughts in real life. I do not talk much at all actually in real life. I stay away from people.

 

[MeltedJello]

I don't even know what the real me is somedays. All I know is that: I truly wish for people on here to find peace & better days, I never want to start arguments with anyone so I stay silent, and that I love participating in the games on here. Everything I've said on here is what I've really felt, so I hope I don't look like an attention seeker or something.

 

[ascetic_]

Same opinions, but more polished, I think. I definitely curate my persona online a little bit to be more articulate, mature.

IRL I'm an awkward, bumbling mess who swears a lot.

 

[Enigmatic Sailor]

I'm more coherent here than IRL. I say the same jokes over and over to everybody I come across and blurt out foolish nonsense that holds no context to current events. People look at me strangely when I start a conversation, I don't even know what I'm saying most times. I don't have anxiety; I just think whatever is in my head is the funniest shit in the world, but it doesn't comply with reality.

 

[MindFrog]

It's almost the same.. I don't talk that much irl and here I still find it hard to talk to people. There's still that hesitation if I should post this or answer that etc.

I guess the only difference is that I "can" about my depression here at least...

 

[demuic]

I always say my true thoughts and beliefs, but that doesn't mean I say everything that's on my mind. Sometimes it's better to disengage.

I have never had the energy or desire to be fake or change what I do in order assimilate into the normie world, so in real life I am very genuine as well, though much quieter since I have less to say that is acceptable.

I haven't even mentioned or even hinted at literally half the reasons I want to CTB on here, and likely never will. It's too painful to even talk about or even acknowledge is actually my reality, and are things I have think about constantly, so I want to at least be able to escape that here.

I feel like I can never be the real me in this world.

I can relate to this. The real me is someone who can't exist, and I am the only one who even knows what that is.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

very.