Discussion How other people's minds work

[derpyderpins]

You can never really know. Even if we have a conversation, and I try to explain what I think about and how my mind works, and you do the same, we don't REALLY know each other.

If you are dealing with a situation, and I try to relate through my experience, and how I think, is that like speaking a foreign language? A different dialect? Or is it basically the same?

I don't know if it makes sense, but I suspect other people are able to think out towards the focus of their attention, while my thoughts are kept in the back of my head. They focus on the "what" while I'm focused on the "why."

I definitely give too much thought into people's reactions to what I say. Like on here, I'm probably guessing whether people are happy with the responses I give or if I annoy the hell out of them and they react to be nice. The answer is probably that both of those are too serious and they're just acknowledging it and moving on.

I always want to think there is a real connection. Do you think we all process similarly or are we mostly very different?

 

[Meteora]

Hm, that are big questions, I think. Not that I don't have the exact same ones but you re right, you can never know 100%, even if people agree.
Me too, I m looking for real connection but I guess we all define real differently for we all have different needs and intentions.
It s good to have a few people (even just one) who tell you the truth, who you trust and who want you to grow and get stronger and don t want to put you down for ulterior motives.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wonder about this too. Especially with optimistic people. Like- when bad things happen and it doesn't appear to phase them- what's going on? Do they just naturally have puzzle solving, optimistic thoughts in response or- do they get a bunch of negative profanities and self pittying thoughts in first that they make a conscious effort to overcome? Is it easy and natural for them to be positive or, do they make a conscious effort to do it? Some of them seem like a different species to me!

Sometimes I wonder how different we could have been too- if certain things had or hadn't happened to us. Surely, some of the way we think is learned and becomes kind of addictive. Who did we have the potential to be? Could we have become really good or, notoriously bad? Can anyone become very good or very bad?

 

[Havnis]

People say that there is another version of every individual in a parallel universe, but in fact, it can happen here on earth. We can meet people who are similar to us. I believe humans are sets of information; if we believe in that information, then we kind of have the same consciousness and somewhat subconsciousness. Still, there are parts of the unconscious and subconscious that are different and unique to each individual, depending on how they were raised.

However, similarity does not stop at the information level, it also extends to feelings. Real love dissolves human feelings in another by sympathy, love creates some kind of emotional dependancy that makes the person believe that he sees himself from the outside in people who love; he even can consider them as part of him. Real love makes a person happy when his beloved ones are happy. I like to call those people a reflection, like looking in the mirror to see yourself.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

So much of human conversation relies on body language and other visual cues but oftentimes it gets lost in translation especially for people like me who have no idea what to look for or no idea how my body language is being interpreted.

Communication via purely text can be more concise with the words involved but without visual signs, much meaning can still be left desired. Some people just get tired of exercising this muscle. In my opinion, text with emojis is an optimal way to communicate.

Maybe I'm wrong but actually connecting with people doesn't really seem to be affected by any of that. Most people just want to hear themselves talk so usually the cheatingest way to connect with them is just to listen or occasionally nod and repeat what they said and they'll inherently be drawn in for whatever reason. Beyond that I have no clue what else to do.

 

[foreverfalling]

There's also the other way, where some people will say they have a connection when they have a conversation, but all I see are two people taking turns talking about themselves. I don't understand how those exchanges created a connection. Connection itself is another thing we cannot understand when someone talks about it and says whether they have it or not.

 

[derpyderpins]

Hm, that are big questions, I think. Not that I don't have the exact same ones but you re right, you can never know 100%, even if people agree.
Me too, I m looking for real connection but I guess we all define real differently for we all have different needs and intentions.
It s good to have a few people (even just one) who tell you the truth, who you trust and who want you to grow and get stronger and don t want to put you down for ulterior motives.

Frankness and honesty are greatly appreciated. Learning and accepting someone's motives can take time.

Even if someone isn't supportive, I honestly appreciate if they are willing to tell me 'hey, I don't like you.' probably sounds sarcastic if I thank them for that but if they didn't tell me I'd probably keep trying to make things work lol.

 

[Meteora]

Frankness and honesty are greatly appreciated. Learning and accepting someone's motives can take time.

Even if someone isn't supportive, I honestly appreciate if they are willing to tell me 'hey, I don't like you.' probably sounds sarcastic if I thank them for that but if they didn't tell me I'd probably keep trying to make things work lol.

Hm it's true... learning and accepting someone's motives is probably part of really getting to know someone....

That'd be great if ppl said it straight forward. But in my experience, that is not reality. Instead they bully you or manipulate the hell out of you.

 

[Mirrory Me]

There are lots of good observations in this group, some of which I can relate to. It's great that we can learn from each other because we have different experiences and views in life- we are like eyes to each other.

 

[derpyderpins]

So much of human conversation relies on body language and other visual cues but oftentimes it gets lost in translation especially for people like me who have no idea what to look for or no idea how my body language is being interpreted.

Communication via purely text can be more concise with the words involved but without visual signs, much meaning can still be left desired. Some people just get tired of exercising this muscle. In my opinion, text with emojis is an optimal way to communicate.

Maybe I'm wrong but actually connecting with people doesn't really seem to be affected by any of that. Most people just want to hear themselves talk so usually the cheatingest way to connect with them is just to listen or occasionally nod and repeat what they said and they'll inherently be drawn in for whatever reason. Beyond that I have no clue what else to do.

There's also the other way, where some people will say they have a connection when they have a conversation, but all I see are two people taking turns talking about themselves. I don't understand how those exchanges created a connection. Connection itself is another thing we cannot understand when someone talks about it and says whether they have it or not.

You both hit on a similar topic, about people liking the sound of their own voice. It's definitely true a good bit of the time, and you can use that knowledge to get people to "like" you in a sense that they like talking to you for self-gratification. It's hard to put a criteria on when you pierce that shallow interaction and have a connection. If I think about people I feel a connection to, there are certain elements: vulnerability; trust; mutual reliance; an interest in - and valuing of - the other person's thoughts and opinions; and seeing a bit of yourself in that person, letting you share some of their emotion. But you can't know if it's there. And it can be one-sided, which is tough.

Hm it's true... learning and accepting someone's motives is probably part of really getting to know someone....

That'd be great if ppl said it straight forward. But in my experience, that is not reality. Instead they bully you or manipulate the hell out of you.

And unfortunately, our experience is all we have, right? I'd love to sit here and tell you - and I guess I will because, as discussed above, people love to hear themselves talk - that you've gotten unlucky and most people are good and they had there reasons for being shitty, but that can't possibly help you, right? All you know is what you've gotten to this point. I guess the best I can do is not bully you right now and hope that after a hundred such interactions you have a wider pool of experiences to draw from.

 

[shaucro]

@derpyderpins I love you, the way you think and your questions. Can I be your friend? I feel we could discuss such things forever! I'm messing about and being serious.

No, honestly, I don't think we ever truly know each other, or get each other. Fortunately, most of the time, I think we're roundabout there, for the most part. Enough to muddle through anyway.

Language is clumsy and inadequate at the best of times, we're not all born with the same vocabulary and have to work out our own meanings as we go along. As mentioned, body. langauge is also open to misinterpretation. Factor in cutural differences, upbringing, personal experiences.... the scope for misunderstanding is enormous. It's amazing we ever really understand each other at all! Yet, we kind of do.

I like to talk in general terms, talk about the aboutness of things. I will use specifics to illustrate a point. My parnter likes specifics, they pick up on my examples and discuss those (and not my wider point) It frustates us both. We play tennis; they with a pingpong paddle, me with a lacrosse stick - both of us thinking we're having a game. And I suppose we are, if one considers that neither of us have agreed the rules beforehand.

 

[derpyderpins]

@derpyderpins I love you, the way you think and your questions. Can I be your friend? I feel we could discuss such things forever! I'm messing about and being serious.

No, honestly, I don't think we ever truly know each other, or get each other. Fortunately, most of the time, I think we're roundabout there, for the most part. Enough to muddle through anyway.

Language is clumsy and inadequate at the best of times, we're not all born with the same vocabulary and have to work out our own meanings as we go along. As mentioned, body. langauge is also open to misinterpretation. Factor in cutural differences, upbringing, personal experiences.... the scope for misunderstanding is enormous. It's amazing we ever really understand each other at all! Yet, we kind of do.

I like to talk in general terms, talk about the aboutness of things. I will use specifics to illustrate a point. My parnter likes specifics, they pick up on my examples and discuss those (and not my wider point) It frustates us both. We play tennis; they with a pingpong paddle, me with a lacrosse stick - both of us thinking we're having a game. And I suppose we are, if one considers that neither of us have agreed the rules beforehand.

lol thank you. Yes feel free to message me whenever just know my availability may be sporadic. I very much like your take on this. We get close to being on the same wavelength, but not quite there, and it's okay because we both subconsciously know we're using different tools to craft our message. In fact, deciding to get a little closer and be a little more vulnerable despite knowing we can never 100% get there might be an even more powerful example of trust than if we could reach full understanding.

 

[bearbrikk]

My thought process works the same way. I try to make people understand by giving them an example through my experiences of their own experiences. I have gotten feedback from others that I come across self-centred because I pull the convo towards myself. This could not be further from the truth. Matter of fact I hate to be the centre of attention. I only work this way to solve problems and focus on the ´´whys´´ not the ´´whats´´. I may overanalyze everything but that's how I try to understand people and situations and learn from them.

 

[Meteora]

And unfortunately, our experience is all we have, right? I'd love to sit here and tell you - and I guess I will because, as discussed above, people love to hear themselves talk - that you've gotten unlucky and most people are good and they had there reasons for being shitty, but that can't possibly help you, right? All you know is what you've gotten to this point. I guess the best I can do is not bully you right now and hope that after a hundred such interactions you have a wider pool of experiences to draw from.

Experience is important, yes. Also from an evolutionary standpoint. Our brain still works like that. A caveman would be stupid to try to hunt a lion again after he had almost been bitten to death. Our brain is life-sustaining, we notice danger and then avoid.
That is also the reason why it doesnt help if ppl say things like you just said. That messes with your brain, because instictively, you know what is real.