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Unicr0n

Unicr0n

Stuck in a black hole...
Mar 26, 2024
198
I recognised a long time ago that a lot of my suicidal thoughts were preceded by feelings of tiredness which were caused by being awoken in the middle of the night from whatever. It felt like a weight off my shoulders once I recognised it and could tell myself "I don't really want to die; I just want to go to sleep, I'm tired!" This was when I lived in a home and there were parties being thrown by my parent or you could hear someone walking around at night.

I moved to college and had pretty much a full year of no suicidal thoughts [at least ones that plagued my entire day]. I have a dog. Recently he's been moving more in his sleep. These past few months I noticed an uptick in days with suicidal ideation. Turns out he's been waking me up in the middle of the night without me realizing it. It wasn't me actually feeling like I'm a monster and that I do everything wrong [that's what my suicidal thoughts are like]; it was the tiredness feeding those bad thoughts. Weight off my freaking shoulders. When it's not tiredness-induced, I can definitely tell the difference in the way I criticise myself, looking back.

Anyone else have experiences with tiredness-induced suicidal ideation?
 
F

Forveleth

Student
Mar 26, 2024
122
I haven't had this but it's not surprising as mental health is very closely tied to sleep quality.

Glad you figured out your cause! Hopefully you can find a solution.
 
Silent_cries

Silent_cries

I wish I could delete my trauma...
Aug 10, 2021
733
I honestly can't tell whether there is a difference in my suicidality when I'm sleep deprived than when I'm not. What I do know is that my mental issues does indeed get worse, however I'm less likely to attempt ctb bc I don't have the energy to do so when I'm tired.
 
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U

UKscotty

Doesn't read PMs
May 20, 2021
1,866
Lack of sleep definitely makes my depression and anxiety way worse.

I can after even one night's poor sleep.

Good mental health relies on good quality sleep.
 
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Ash

Ash

Specialist
Oct 4, 2021
397
It's complicated as poor mental health often impacts my sleep but my mental health and rationality decrease significantly with lack of sleep so I don't really know what leads what. However, I do know that when I reach a certain point of exhaustion, I can barely function let alone do what's necessary to CTB.
 
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Agon321

Agon321

I use google translate
Aug 21, 2023
457
It works a little differently for me.

At night I have the greatest surge of negative thoughts.
The most pessimistic thoughts often appear before my eyes.
For example, regarding the afterlife.
This makes my stomach hurt and I generally have trouble falling asleep.
I feel like someone is digging into my brain.
I've also been having strange dreams lately, which don't help much.
Interestingly, during the day I often feel the complete opposite way.
That's part of why I'm going to CTB during the day.

Just like the people above wrote.
Sleep and mental health are closely linked.
We are a biological machine.
If any part is broken, the entire mechanism does not work.
Sleep is crucial for the proper functioning of the mechanism.
 
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momento.mori

momento.mori

I came, I saw, I'm here.
Mar 18, 2024
53
Sleeping is the only thing that gives me a break from the thoughts in my mind. I couldn't imagine life without sleeping pills or if they stopped working, I would definitely reconsider another attempt!
 
untothedepths

untothedepths

I am falling I am fading I have lost it all
Mar 20, 2023
208
It's really bad for me in the morning, and does get marginally better throughout the day. Brain seems to find something to always keep me worried or bothered, even when unsolicited.
 
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SoulCage

SoulCage

Member
Dec 28, 2023
69
It totally does. When I was still working (currently a NEET) it gave me extra pressure, because my performance would drop and my self worth declines. My ctb thoughts get stronger when I think I am useless and because I think about all the things I would need to do to potentially fix my tiredness. Which leads to thinking about everything I have already done in the past and it still didn't fix anything. It feels so pointless to make changes, to make sacrifices, when I still suffer. It feels like an endless loop with only one plausible and definitive solution...
 
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Unicr0n

Unicr0n

Stuck in a black hole...
Mar 26, 2024
198
Noticing that being hungry = less agitated and likely to fall into suicidal ideation territory. Not starving, but like, not eating when i get the impulse to like an hour after eating and ignoring it until the hunger goes away. reducing the amount of times i eat per day seems to keep me with a bit of dopamine for some reason O_o
 

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