How often do you NOT feel like ending yourself?

[ChildrensITV]

Do you have friends and see them on, say, Friday nights, so you can be sure that between 7pm and 11pm on Fridays, you will push the suicidal feelings aside as much as possible and feel "relatively normal" for a few hours?

Are you still in education or work and between 9-3pm or 7-7pm, you have to put a brave face on, commute, get ready, be elbow-to-elbow with people and function as best you can, without the "luxury" of pondering how shit your life is?

Are you maybe a woman whose boyfriend comes over regularly and you can forget how bad you feel for a few hours? Are you maybe a man who has some outlets online, e.g. forums, groups, Discord servers where you can feel a little less "on your own with your thoughts" and speak to other guys for a while as a distraction?

Do you use movies or videogames as distractions? How long do you play them for?

How often do you NOT feel like ending your life?

 

[FrostedHoax]

Only when I'm actively focused on doing something like work, chores, hobbies etc. but even then, the feelings are always lying there under the surface and if I start thinking certain things or something happens to trigger them, then those feelings will begin welling back up to the surface and taking over my thoughts in full force.

 

[ayaneechan]

Today it's was really strange for me, I was up to CTB and stopped after talking to a friend, I want to do it, I think about it even when I should not, that even the worse cuz someone can think I not care of them, but it's not true. Even if I want to CTB i care about others

Basically just when I play games I can maybe not always think about, or I think about it all day, every day at every hour

 

[FuneralCry]

I always want to die no matter what, it's so comforting to think of not existing for all eternity, free from this dreadful and cruel existence. Wanting to die feels like the only rational response to being burdened with the ability to exist and I'm always wishing to fall asleep permanently as such a thing sounds so peaceful and ideal. I don't really see existence as being desirable and it doesn't interest me anyway, existing is incredibly pointless.

 

[telw84]

Never I would say, always thoughts of ending it, for me

 

[Phantomygg]

Only when I distract myself with videogames or comics do I not think about CTB I usually play for 14 hours a day

 

[MeltingBrain]

Do you have friends and see them on, say, Friday nights, so you can be sure that between 7pm and 11pm on Fridays, you will push the suicidal feelings aside as much as possible and feel "relatively normal" for a few hours?

Most of my friends have scattered for higher studies/jobs.
I don't feel "normal" EVER. A basic amount of dread always stays with me forever, no matter how great an occasion is, no matter what I am doing, no matter who I am speaking too .

Are you still in education or work and between 9-3pm or 7-7pm,

I am NEETish , that's the closest description of where I am at .

Are you maybe a man who has some outlets online, e.g. forums, groups, Discord servers where you can feel a little less "on your own with your thoughts" and speak to other guys for a while as a distraction?

Yes . I use SaSu, twitter, youtube, movies, videogames as major distractions .

How often do you NOT feel like ending your life?

For many months I have never had a thought "things are getting better, I should try and live" . I wish I had never existed everyday .

What about you ?

 

[undecided]

I always want to die no matter what, it's so comforting to think of not existing for all eternity, free from this dreadful and cruel existence. Wanting to die feels like the only rational response to being burdened with the ability to exist and I'm always wishing to fall asleep permanently as such a thing sounds so peaceful and ideal. I don't really see existence as being desirable and it doesn't interest me anyway, existing is incredibly pointless.

Don't you get bored of typing the same sh*t over and over again?
Your posts are so repetitive and boring... AND, YOU'RE STILL HERE !!

Maybe you should post in the recovery thread instead?

 

[rainseahorse]

i feel fine when i'm sleeping and when i'm working on stuff that i believe will improve my life quality

 

[Sans]

The last time I had a few hours of relative bliss was when I took the train to the nearest major city and had some good food at a pub. That was more than a month ago.

I can't remember the last day where I did NOT think of ending myself.

 

[LostChan]

Do you have friends and see them on, say, Friday nights, so you can be sure that between 7pm and 11pm on Fridays, you will push the suicidal feelings aside as much as possible and feel "relatively normal" for a few hours?

Are you still in education or work and between 9-3pm or 7-7pm, you have to put a brave face on, commute, get ready, be elbow-to-elbow with people and function as best you can, without the "luxury" of pondering how shit your life is?

Are you maybe a woman whose boyfriend comes over regularly and you can forget how bad you feel for a few hours? Are you maybe a man who has some outlets online, e.g. forums, groups, Discord servers where you can feel a little less "on your own with your thoughts" and speak to other guys for a while as a distraction?

Do you use movies or videogames as distractions? How long do you play them for?

How often do you NOT feel like ending your life?

Do you have friends and see them on, say, Friday nights, so you can be sure that between 7pm and 11pm on Fridays, you will push the suicidal feelings aside as much as possible and feel "relatively normal" for a few hours?

Are you still in education or work and between 9-3pm or 7-7pm, you have to put a brave face on, commute, get ready, be elbow-to-elbow with people and function as best you can, without the "luxury" of pondering how shit your life is?

Are you maybe a woman whose boyfriend comes over regularly and you can forget how bad you feel for a few hours? Are you maybe a man who has some outlets online, e.g. forums, groups, Discord servers where you can feel a little less "on your own with your thoughts" and speak to other guys for a while as a distraction?

Do you use movies or videogames as distractions? How long do you play them for?

How often do you NOT feel like ending your life?

When ever I play games or listen to music but that's about it

 

[SSamGarrison]

Sometimes if I'm distracted by something I enjoy. Still no guarantee, as the thoughts are often still in the back of my mind, but it's much better then. I've gotten close to attempting and after realizing I can't do it, I let go of the idea for a bit. Sometimes I'll just be having a better time some months.

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

I'm busy pretty much every day (employed) so I really don't have time to think much about anything other than making it through the next eight hours. I'm only suicidal in the late evenings, when I have the time to be alone with my thoughts, and in the early mornings when I know I have to get up and do it all again. Some days are good enough that I don't think about suicide at all.

 

[wanttodie]

Never I would say never stop thing about ending my life

 

[letmejoindeath]

Do you have friends and see them on, say, Friday nights, so you can be sure that between 7pm and 11pm on Fridays, you will push the suicidal feelings aside as much as possible and feel "relatively normal" for a few hours?

Are you still in education or work and between 9-3pm or 7-7pm, you have to put a brave face on, commute, get ready, be elbow-to-elbow with people and function as best you can, without the "luxury" of pondering how shit your life is?

Are you maybe a woman whose boyfriend comes over regularly and you can forget how bad you feel for a few hours? Are you maybe a man who has some outlets online, e.g. forums, groups, Discord servers where you can feel a little less "on your own with your thoughts" and speak to other guys for a while as a distraction?

Do you use movies or videogames as distractions? How long do you play them for?

How often do you NOT feel like ending your life?

The only distraction I have is this website. None of those other things are in my life. The people of SaSu are all I have to talk to

If I speak then people don't like me. So discord or trying to make friends will just make it worse.

I am fantasizing about suicide even in my sleep now. Earlier I got an erection thinking about myself lying on the floor dead and no one showing up to my funeral

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

The only day of the year I am not suicidal is February 30th.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

The thoughts intrude my daily life. I try to find distractions through my friends and partner, but lately, nothing has sufficiently distracted me from my urges. Every night, I fantasize about dying in my sleep. I'm regularly disappointed when I wake up in the morning. I can't say the thoughts 'go away' when I am distracted, rather, my mind is dormant, like the calm before the storm.

 

[lachrymost]

Occasionally when I am very high I will get a flash of life tolerance.

 

[Saxenomorph]

Most things you said are how i cope time to time. (I also want to find friends on discord but i just can't due to anxiety)

 

[secretsfromthecity]

Do you have friends and see them on, say, Friday nights, so you can be sure that between 7pm and 11pm on Fridays, you will push the suicidal feelings aside as much as possible and feel "relatively normal" for a few hours?

Are you still in education or work and between 9-3pm or 7-7pm, you have to put a brave face on, commute, get ready, be elbow-to-elbow with people and function as best you can, without the "luxury" of pondering how shit your life is?

Are you maybe a woman whose boyfriend comes over regularly and you can forget how bad you feel for a few hours? Are you maybe a man who has some outlets online, e.g. forums, groups, Discord servers where you can feel a little less "on your own with your thoughts" and speak to other guys for a while as a distraction?

Do you use movies or videogames as distractions? How long do you play them for?

How often do you NOT feel like ending your life?

every single time the distractions stop, i immediately resort to feeling suicidal. i wish i felt as happy as i do when distractions are around. work keeps me busy enough not to think. just started playing video games which numbs everything. but every night trying to sleep i can't..i just pass out from sleep meds

 

[mehdone]

How often do you NOT feel like ending your life?

Shit… never. I mean, sometimes I can be distracted for a bit, but even still, that underlying want to ctb is still there.

 

[itsraining]

whenever I'm with my friends on discord I feel alive, I dont want to disappoint them. When I'm alone I just want death

 

[princexhhn]

hmm usually when a friend of mine would try to bribe me into staying alive… as in spending her real life money so i dont ctb… T-T
i actually hadnt been suicidal for an entire year, i only started becoming again now because my boyfriend left me. Looking forward to my future with him gave me strength, and knowing someone loved me and supported me in everything and cared about me gave me life. he made me want to live, and even more so i didnt want to hurt him or leave him here alone. Well now hes the one who left pfft he even ghosted me, didnt give a single fuck that id been hospitalized recently

 

[Is0lated]

Do you have friends and see them on, say, Friday nights, so you can be sure that between 7pm and 11pm on Fridays, you will push the suicidal feelings aside as much as possible and feel "relatively normal" for a few hours?

Are you still in education or work and between 9-3pm or 7-7pm, you have to put a brave face on, commute, get ready, be elbow-to-elbow with people and function as best you can, without the "luxury" of pondering how shit your life is?

Are you maybe a woman whose boyfriend comes over regularly and you can forget how bad you feel for a few hours? Are you maybe a man who has some outlets online, e.g. forums, groups, Discord servers where you can feel a little less "on your own with your thoughts" and speak to other guys for a while as a distraction?

Do you use movies or videogames as distractions? How long do you play them for?

How often do you NOT feel like ending your life?

Mostly when I'm alone. I def forget how bad my life actually is.

 

[ChildrensITV]

Mostly when I'm alone. I def forget how bad my life actually is.

Opposite to me. But I am always aware how bad my life is: it's just a question of how much I can distract myself from the facts.

 

[_apathetic]

It's hard to have suicidal feeling while being in public, I try to act as normal as possible, but sometimes these feelings are too overwhelming.

 

[Christo]

When I have to interact with other people, I completely forget about my own life and put the other person who I have to interact with in the first place. Even if I hate to do it and would like to be "myself" I can't because of my childhood drama where I had to pretend to be someone else to not get hurt for many years, and when I grew up, its so deep in my unconscious mind that I can't control it.

When I'm alone I'm either worrying about other people or thinking about killing myself.
To distract myself from all these thoughts/feelings I either play video games, watch movies, eat, drink, or do drugs.

 

[Namensjemand]

Don't you get bored of typing the same sh*t over and over again?
Your posts are so repetitive and boring... AND, YOU'RE STILL HERE !!

Maybe you should post in the recovery thread instead?

We all cope in different ways. Every mind can get into various loops. So what, let her be here. I got two goodbye threads on my belt and am still here.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

It probably sounds a little messed up but since joining this forum ive felt less like wanting to kill myself mostly because I've been interacting with others who have way worse lives than me and I have consequently become grateful for what I have now. Being on Instagram and snapchat too much made me hate myself and wanted to die, I still have a lot of things I don't like about my life but I'm not telling myself I want to kill myself every day anymore. Not only because of the aforementioned but killing yourself is so difficult in accordance to all the preparation threads on here as well, I don't wanna go thru allat.

 

[Namensjemand]

It probably sounds a little messed up but since joining this forum ive felt less like wanting to kill myself mostly because I've been interacting with others who have way worse lives than me and I have consequently become grateful for what I have now. Being on Instagram and snapchat too much made me hate myself and wanted to die, I still have a lot of things I don't like about my life but I'm not telling myself I want to kill myself every day anymore. Not only because of the aforementioned but killing yourself is so difficult in accordance to all the preparation threads on here as well, I don't wanna go thru allat.

There are a million ways to arrive at suicide. But perspective can mean a lot. I got so many good reasons to want to kill myself. But I can still decide to humbly accept the bad and focus on the good to the best of my ability. For all the pain and suffering that may make suicide "rational", there is often a lot of choice involved in how much one clinges to this or that. Wanting to be this or that or not wanting this or that. Hate, Anger, Self-Disgust... vicious cycles