Discussion How often do you lie?

[Polyxo]

I'm literally making this post in front of my mom. I took the day off from work and we had a date at this cute cafe. She had tomato soup and grilled cheese and I had French toast.

I was talking about how I wanted to get a degree relevant to my job and my tenant plan this semester. I don't even know if I'll be alive to get my degree. It made me sad to lie so blatantly like that to lie like that.

Do you ever feel sad about having to lie? How often do you lie to the people around you?

 

[Rynalia]

People never believed me when I told the truth. People still don't believe me when I tell a lie.

At this point, it wouldn't matter what I say since they won't react any other way.

Now, I just say whatever is convenient for the other person to get out of circumstances that would otherwise take too much energy to deal with. The only time I would absolutely never lie, is when it comes to something about myself. I have no need to lie about that, since it wouldn't benefit me to lie about it anyways.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I used to lie a lot because I needed to, to relieve myself of the pressure others put on me. Nowadays, I try to lie as little as possible, so that people know who I truly am and how I think, and possibly like me for who I am.

You seem to be lying the same way I lied to my mother when i was through college. It was overwhelming for me, and that was the way I found to be able to not feel awful all the times. It was less awful to lie than to say the truth.

You're fine, there's rationale for what you're doing. It's okay.

 

[s00ngone]

Lying is second nature to me now. First nature, even. Compulsive. It started with major lies like convincing my parents I was in community college after high school, during the lockdown. They think I've stretched out a 2-year associate's degree into three, fourish years of general ed... I've done a single class. I'd consistently lie to get off work, or to get out of family trips I refused to go on. I've lied again and again and again, to the point where I spent last night thinking of how no one has ever known the truth about me. If I die, I'll die a liar, misremembered. I've constructed a fiction that I can't unravel.

 

[OutOfThisBody]

I just lied to my therapist yesterday that I would see her next week. I'm not going to be able to see anyone after tonight.

 

[Mooncry]

Pretty well every single day that my boyfriend/family don't know the severity of my mental state. I always make it sound like I'm looking forward to future events, but the reality is that I've decided this is my last year to be alive. I know when I die, it's going to blindside everyone, and that's just the way it has to be. I won't risk being involuntarily institutionalized because I let slip a little too much, so I'd rather say nothing at all.

So yeah, I'd say I've been living a lie for a quite a while.

 

[Polyxo]

People never believed me when I told the truth. People still don't believe me when I tell a lie.

At this point, it wouldn't matter what I say since they won't react any other way.

Now, I just say whatever is convenient for the other person to get out of circumstances that would otherwise take too much energy to deal with. The only time I would absolutely never lie, is when it comes to something about myself. I have no need to lie about that, since it wouldn't benefit me to lie about it anyways.

I'm so sorry that people doubt you. Your thoughts and feelings deserved to be heard and considered. I sort of feel the same way. I lie because I don't want others to worry about me. I've always had a phobia of exposing my vulnerabilities. I don't feel safe enough with anyone to tell the truth about my mental state or my plans.

I hope one day we can be our genuine selves.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

A lot sadly ... I was raised to think it was ok

 

[Polyxo]

I used to lie a lot because I needed to, to relieve myself of the pressure others put on me. Nowadays, I try to lie as little as possible, so that people know who I truly am and how I think, and possibly like me for who I am.

You seem to be lying the same way I lied to my mother when i was through college. It was overwhelming for me, and that was the way I found to be able to not feel awful all the times. It was less awful to lie than to say the truth.

You're fine, there's rationale for what you're doing. It's okay.

Thank you for your reply and the kind words. It feels less lonely to know that this isn't something only one experienced, but I also feel sorry that you also felt the need to lie to your mother in the same way.

I want to try and be my authentic self with the people I care about, but for some reason talking about myself just makes me so uncomfortable and at time too emotional.

It's less overwhelming to lie than to be truthful about myself.

 

[encore]

i'd like to think that i only lie out of necessity and 99% of it happens to be towards my parents or family in general. i feel no sadness or guilt for it, because lying is the way i protect myself from being vulnerable in front of them. if i was never accepted or loved for who i am, they wont have access to it either or any part of me that they cant physically perceive. they will only know as much as i tell them, whether any of those things are true or not depends on my convenience at the time.

i don't actually enjoy lying, at all. and i actively hate lying when it's towards people who haven't at all wronged me or people i care about. so i avoid it as much as i can. lying is also very difficult to keep up and i don't want to spend more mental energy than i need on it.

 

[Polyxo]

Lying is second nature to me now. First nature, even. Compulsive. It started with major lies like convincing my parents I was in community college after high school, during the lockdown. They think I've stretched out a 2-year associate's degree into three, fourish years of general ed... I've done a single class. I'd consistently lie to get off work, or to get out of family trips I refused to go on. I've lied again and again and again, to the point where I spent last night thinking of how no one has ever known the truth about me. If I die, I'll die a liar, misremembered. I've constructed a fiction that I can't unravel.

Thank you for your reply. Lying as a compulsion sounds unbearable to me and I am so sorry to hear how it's affected you.

Do you try not to lie? Do you feel helpless due to the compulsion? How does it feel for you? Sorry if I'm prying.

 

[Luv (sic)]

Sometimes saying the truth will get you into alot of drama and inconvenience. For example I have sh scars and I don't make a effort to hide them; fresh or not. And im not going to tell anyone who asks that I made those scars my self. That would brew too much inconvenience and drama that I would rather avoid.

 

[Daenerys Targaryen]

It's just that every time I see your profile picture it cracks me up. I had to say it again, sorry‍

 

[WanderingGypsy]

I use to never tell lies (except for some small white lies), but now I lie all.the.time. I might lie to ppl saying I have plans so I don't have to go out with them, I have lied to my employer saying I'm sick when I just couldn't deal with my job because of my anxiety or depression, I lie to ppl telling them I'm ok when really I'm not. I hate how much I lie anymore, but not lying is worse. I have always been an honest person, but I have changed so much that I am no longer who I use to be in so many ways.
I can relate to those who have shared how they lie telling people they'll see them/do something later or talk about their future plans knowing they will not be around. It's so hard to be honest when real life or the truth hurts even more.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Thank you for your reply and the kind words. It feels less lonely to know that this isn't something only one experienced, but I also feel sorry that you also felt the need to lie to your mother in the same way.

I want to try and be my authentic self with the people I care about, but for some reason talking about myself just makes me so uncomfortable and at time too emotional.

It's less overwhelming to lie than to be truthful about myself.

Yeah I understand the feeling. It's like a torrent of emotions when you do open up and it's overwhelming for you and for others.

I really have no tip on how to deal with these. They just are part of who we are, emotional.

 

[s00ngone]

Thank you for your reply. Lying as a compulsion sounds unbearable to me and I am so sorry to hear how it's affected you.

Do you try not to lie? Do you feel helpless due to the compulsion? How does it feel for you? Sorry if I'm prying.

It would be disingenuous (how ironic is that) to call myself a "compulsive liar" in the pathological sense. I'm not so "innocent", if you want to put it that way. It's more like... over the course of my life, I've told so many lies, and set up such interconnected webs of fictions, that reinforcing the greater lie of my identity/direction/future is so much simpler than trying to come clean about the million and one ways I've fucked up. It's choosing the path of least resistance, I guess.

Maybe at some point I felt bad. I do feel... wrong, or know I should feel wrong enough to stop and turn things around. But whether from checking out of my life so completely, from never having been a moral enough person to feel compelled to genuinely stop, or some other, more obscure thing, I just haven't had it in me to dispel this thick fog.

I more and more am beginning to believe I'm much less compassionate and altruistic than I used to believe. I thought I felt deeply and loved others. I thought I wanted to be a therapist. Now I feel like something is critically, foundationally wrong with me, not as in "right and wrong" but either different or missing or distorted.

Makes my head spin, honestly. Gives me literal vertigo. I'm so emotionless anymore.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

It would be disingenuous (how ironic is that) to call myself a "compulsive liar" in the pathological sense. I'm not so "innocent", if you want to put it that way. It's more like... over the course of my life, I've told so many lies, and set up such interconnected webs of fictions, that reinforcing the greater lie of my identity/direction/future is so much simpler than trying to come clean about the million and one ways I've fucked up. It's choosing the path of least resistance, I guess.

Maybe at some point I felt bad. I do feel... wrong, or know I should feel wrong enough to stop and turn things around. But whether from checking out of my life so completely, from never having been a moral enough person to feel compelled to genuinely stop, or some other, more obscure thing, I just haven't had it in me to dispel this thick fog.

I more and more am beginning to believe I'm much less compassionate and altruistic than I used to believe. I thought I felt deeply and loved others. I thought I wanted to be a therapist. Now I feel like something is critically, foundationally wrong with me, not as in "right and wrong" but either different or missing or distorted.

Makes my head spin, honestly. Gives me literal vertigo. I'm so emotionless anymore.

So many masks that we forget who we originally are, like a shape shifter never satisfied with their current form. I do relate...

 

[Polyxo]

Pretty well every single day that my boyfriend/family don't know the severity of my mental state. I always make it sound like I'm looking forward to future events, but the reality is that I've decided this is my last year to be alive. I know when I die, it's going to blindside everyone, and that's just the way it has to be. I won't risk being involuntarily institutionalized because I let slip a little too much, so I'd rather say nothing at all.

So yeah, I'd say I've been living a lie for a quite a while.

Thank you for your reply. You've described my exact situation. When I die, it will be a total unexpected shock to the people I know. They have absolutely no idea what's actually going on in my head. This is why I need to write a note. I feel as though I at least owe them some explanation because I do love and care about them, and I know it will be devastating. At least for a little while.

 

[s00ngone]

So many masks that we forget who we originally are, like a shape shifter never satisfied with their current form. I do relate...

I had the thought that myself as a kid would be disgusted at where I am now, but I can't honestly say whether he'd be surprised. I think I've always known somewhere deep inside that I'm unfixably unfit to exist in some ineffable way. I look at some other people on this site and hope that their situations improve while knowing that, in my case, my suicidality is not situational. It's baked into the fact that I exist. Money, love, pleasure, success, friendship or any other good thing wouldn't put a dent in my incredulity that the world is the world and I exist in it. My brain just broke. I can't glue it back together.

Sorry you relate. I wish you didn't but I'm grateful you do.

 

[Polyxo]

i'd like to think that i only lie out of necessity and 99% of it happens to be towards my parents or family in general. i feel no sadness or guilt for it, because lying is the way i protect myself from being vulnerable in front of them. if i was never accepted or loved for who i am, they wont have access to it either or any part of me that they cant physically perceive. they will only know as much as i tell them, whether any of those things are true or not depends on my convenience at the time.

i don't actually enjoy lying, at all. and i actively hate lying when it's towards people who haven't at all wronged me or people i care about. so i avoid it as much as i can. lying is also very difficult to keep up and i don't want to spend more mental energy than i need on it.

Thank you for your reply. I think I am the same to some degree. The only times I lie is when I feel it's necessary - in other words, when the people around me attempt to make me open up about something. I'm very afraid of being vulnerable. I can't be vulnerable in a measured way. I get too overwhelmed and can even cry if I talk about myself to someone. It's exhausting and it feels bad to lie, but telling the truth is like a death sentence to my mind.

Sometimes saying the truth will get you into alot of drama and inconvenience. For example I have sh scars and I don't make a effort to hide them; fresh or not. And im not going to tell anyone who asks that I made those scars my self. That would brew too much inconvenience and drama that I would rather avoid.

Thank you for your reply. I feel like that's how all lies form - out of a desire to avoid inconvenience. I wouldn't want to tell the truth and the worry everyone around me, who will then make attempts to change the mind of someone dead set on dying.

It's just that every time I see your profile picture it cracks me up. I had to say it again, sorry‍

Hi Daenerys! Hehe thank you again. It cheers me up a little whenever I see it so it's funny to know that other people laugh at it too lol!

 

[JesiBel]

Always, I have to pretend that nothing is happening to me. I'm not very sociable either, so I don't talk about my private life with anyone.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I had the thought that myself as a kid would be disgusted at where I am now, but I can't honestly say whether he'd be surprised. I think I've always known somewhere deep inside that I'm unfixably unfit to exist in some ineffable way. I look at some other people on this site and hope that their situations improve while knowing that, in my case, my suicidality is not situational. It's baked into the fact that I exist. Money, love, pleasure, success, friendship or any other good thing wouldn't put a dent in my incredulity that the world is the world and I exist in it. My brain just broke. I can't glue it back together.

Sorry you relate. I wish you didn't but I'm grateful you do.

Don't be sorry friend. It doesn't mean I'm the same as you, if that's what you fear, but rather that some of your experiences are relevant to me.

I hope at least the days before your death be a little better than otherwise, and that I was able to provide a fraction of it.

 

[encore]

Thank you for your reply. I think I am the same to some degree. The only times I lie is when I feel it's necessary - in other words, when the people around me attempt to make me open up about something. I'm very afraid of being vulnerable. I can't be vulnerable in a measured way. I get too overwhelmed and can even cry if I talk about myself to someone. It's exhausting and it feels bad to lie, but telling the truth is like a death sentence to my mind.

Thank you for your reply. I feel like that's how all lies form - out of a desire to avoid inconvenience. I wouldn't want to tell the truth and the worry everyone around me, who will then make attempts to change the mind of someone dead set on dying.

Hi Daenerys! Hehe thank you again. It cheers me up a little whenever I see it so it's funny to know that other people laugh at it too lol!

i really felt that part of being on the verge of tears when talking about yourself. honestly, i feel like everyone deserves someone they can be fully themselves with - including you. if that is something you desire, i really hope you get to experience it one day.

 

[lament.]

Like you I always try to act like I have a future in front of others and will blatantly lie about that fact. It's so much easier to lie than say what I'm really thinking. I often play out scenarios where I just tell my loved ones the truth and that I wish to die every minute of the day and that I wish to act upon it soon and think of how they would react, but it's really hard to imagine what they would actually say in response.

I don't feel bad about my lies because I know it would cause them more suffering if they actually knew, but essentially living in silence about it is agonising.

 

[divinemistress36]

Well like most people I lie and say Im good when people ask how I am. Cause most people dont want to hear about your depression problems. Im starting to lie to random people about my fake job ( Im disabled so dont work) but dont want to tell strangers that as some people can be quite judgmental about it.

 

[22yearsbroken]

EVery time i smile and show happiness..

Well like most people I lie and say Im good when people ask how I am. Cause most people dont want to hear about your depression problems. Im starting to lie to random people about my fake job ( Im disabled so dont work) but dont want to tell strangers that as some people can be quite judgmental about it.

Also living with disability ..i just say i work from home..its notnworth that judgmental stare...

 

[divinemistress36]

EVery time i smile and show happiness..

Also living with disability ..i just say i work from home..its notnworth that judgmental stare...

You are right. Im starting to say work from home to and say something boring like admin work so they wont ask me much about it

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I only lie when asked "how are you"... "good!". Other than that, I quit lying. It's easier and takes less effort to just say the truth and be hated for it. I don't really care anymore.