How often do you attempt or set up your ctb?

[lastlife_]

My go-to method is hanging so I can pretty much set it up anywhere, anytime being one of the most accessible methods but I haven't put a ligature around my neck since July even though I continue to think about, plan, wish and read about suicide daily.

I think I get so mentally exhausted from thinking about it so often that I don't push myself often enough to set it up and attempt. A lot of it is probably SI, too, that makes me think "I'll sleep now and consider it tomorrow" or "dang it, I'm not alone now so I have to wait until after the weekend" you know..

 

[artificial_ineptness]

It is quite annoying how much I procrastinate on planning how to ctb. I have had time and opportunity to do everything and be gone since at least June, but somehow I just keep being lazy about it for the same reasons you mentioned.

Maybe I'm also anxious about getting something like SN or honestly almost anything that I don't have on hand, because I just dislike being outside of the house and because I feel like there could be a possibility that I might need to lie about why I need these things, and I would absolutely fail at that, so I guess it's more comfortable to just rot in my misery than to actually do anything.

 

[Death is beautiful]

those who say that suicide is a cowardly act are very much mistaken, it is very difficult to do, you need to be very desperate, it is much easier to constantly postpone it, I know this for myself, even when your method is SN or N you lack motivation and courage to do it. I wish that we all have the courage to end everything one way or another

 

[FuneralCry]

I have not had a proper attempt, however there was a time when I reached a point of complete hopelessness and I was desperate to leave, but I did not get very far in my plans. Suicide is difficult as we are programmed to survive, we want to die but it goes against our instinct. The fact that many of us put off ctb can be a manifestation of our survival instinct. With methods like hanging there is also the fear of failure and that holds me back. However I know that when things get worse for me, I will eventually leave this world and find my peace. I refuse to reach an old age.

 

[Rational man]

Maybe my situation is.different. With a chronic progressive illness I know I will die eventually from this, unless I ctb before i do die. Its about timing. Im still.able to function and work part time self employed , but im aware of my physical decline. What makes it worse.is im not that old and i was physically fit health nut before . So i cannot accept a death in the hands of medics because it terrifies me. I witnessed my mum die awfully bad. I intend to exit this world with dignity whilst i still can stand on my feet, whilst I have control. I dont have a choice you see. Thats why my plan is set.

I have not had a proper attempt, however there was a time when I reached a point of complete hopelessness and I was desperate to leave, but I did not get very far in my plans. Suicide is difficult as we are programmed to survive, we want to die but it goes against our instinct. The fact that many of us put off ctb can be a manifestation of our survival instinct. With methods like hanging there is also the fear of failure and that holds me back. However I know that when things get worse for me, I will eventually leave this world and find my peace. I refuse to reach an old age.

Old age can be awful. I've seen my neighbours decline over the last few Years. They are 80+. More and more reliance on care visiting and suddenly, relatives from outer space swoop down, probably sizing up the beneficiaries, whatnot. They say that old age creeps up on people. I know i wont make it, either due to disease or ctb.

 

[Bedrock48]

My bag lays packed at the end of my bed, it has for a couple months now. At this point just having it is enough to keep me tackling the days as best I can, I have no real set date or time constraints so there it will stay. On bad days I do look online at the train tickets ( I need to catch a train to get to location), considering if I should buy or not. I also sometimes put the bag on my back and calm myself in those moments, I'd say I do this a couple times a month. I too also struggle with mental exhaustion and especially motivation surrounding it.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Have not attempted or set up things to ctb yet. If it gets to the point where I book a hotel room, set things up, and make a goodbye thread, there's no turning back for me

 

[Kobusu]

Every day for the past week, whenever I've been alone I've set up the noose to hang myself. After trying twice partially, I struggle now. Every time I work up the strength, I can't seem to get the cord to tighten around my carotid artery, it always compresses my jugular.

Tomorrow may be the first time in a while I don't set up the noose. After failing, I don't know if I can bring myself to hang again. It takes a lot to do.

 

[Crimsonghost3]

I live alone so mine stays set up noose hanging over the door waiting

 

[sadpinky]

Everyday I pull my sn kit out, fast as long as I can but when it comes time to it idk what's holding me. I don't want to live. I miss her so much. I have faith that my day is nearing and when it arrives I'll be ready.

 

[Totally_nothin]

I don't plan anything neither. Few months ago i was thinking about it almost everyday, wondering what would be painless and better for me, but now i have already a plan in my head and if i will ever want do anything i just revive it. Lately i am having weeks like this when i come here and wonder about it every day, imagining how nice it would just be to tie the loop around my head and then jump. but then there are weeks when i am fine.

Maybe i just think it, but i am kinda sure that i have bipolar disorder, and it makes me feel like this.

 

[Ta555]

I've tied the rope/noose to the beam once. It's a high wide beam in the garage and is a bitch to set up and I have to drag a stool down there and everything so I've only tried once. I've changed my rope since then but I know what knots I want to use. Rope is hiding at the back of my closet, noose end is already set up.
Waiting for SN and then we'll see what happens if it makes it through customs and into my hands.