Querlista
Member
- Jan 12, 2021
- 73
I thought I'd share what happened with 2 of my attempts so maybe some of you could profit from it. And maybe even some knowledgeable people will have some tips er experiences themselves for coming attempt :)
Storytiime
My first attempt was in january last year. I had ~90mg alprazolam (xanax), 30mg morphin and 250mg dihydrocodeine. The morphin was in a glass thingy for IV and DHC were cough drops, both in liquid form.
I took all of the stuff at once, oral, folded some laundry and tidiedy up a bit and then I blacked out.
My plan was to take a cab to a near by lake and drown myself. As it turned out I actually took a cab and I passed out directly at the shore. I didn't manage to get it. Somebody found me there and called an ambulance. The days following that event are very blurry in my memory but I think somebody told me that I had died if I didn't have treatment.
The next time I only had 250mg DHC (again the cough drops) which I boofed to make it more potent but 260mg lorazepam (ativan, but keep in mind alpraloxam is twice as strong). I didn't want my room mates to find my corpse and I just ran away from a ward so I knew police will likely search for me soon (which they did) so I put on some sunn glasses and layed on a bench in a tiny park near my home. I backed out. Again somebody noticed me and called an ambulance.
This time I was sure that it just wasn't enough to ctb but in one wars round my psychiatrist said it was a very serious attempt and when I asked her why she thought so she replied that I would of killed myself if noone would of saved me.
What did I learn from all this?
First of all I learned that (at least in my experience) ODing with benzos and opioids are a really great way to go in terms of pain. I felt absolutely no pain and I backed out between ~15 minutes (second time) and ~45 minutes (first time) without having any uncomfortable feelings whatsoever.
Sencondly I learned that you don't just drop dead after you black out lol
You can't remember after but with an benzo black out you actually still move around and even talk to people (I read up on it and benzos don't sedate the parts of your brain that control motoric stuff). This means that you can't trust yourself to keep your ass at one spot.
I also learned that (if my psychiatrists said the truth and I really would of died) the synergic effect of benzos and opioids are huge. At least for me they seem to be.
What is my next attempt going to look like?
For my next attempt I still have to figure some things out. The things I am sure about are that I'll take 2400mg DHC and 26mg lorazepam. The DHC is in pill form this time. I plan to make it boofable. I either will crush them and mix with water (I actually tried this an hour ago with 80 mg, didn't gel up and I definitely feel an effect so they are not tamper proof yay) or I will try to dissolve it in coke. This should make any extended release instand release but I can't figure out if my pills even are ER or if they are IR already.
Additionally to that I will most likely take 7250mg pregabalin and maybe some combination of bisoprolol, aripiprazol, quetiapine and escialoprame. I don't have any antiemetics so I will have to make some more in depth research to find out what combination is best. I don't want to make an overkill and end up throwing it all up.
As for my setting this time I will lock myself in my room. I live together with 3 other people but on the seldom occasions we do want to talk we always knock before entering and if one doesn't answer we just leave them. Another option would be the cellar but Idk how many people go down there, I'll probably opt for my room.
And lastly I will need to find out if my psychiatrists said the truth. I will try to find out what treatment I receivend when I blacked out. I only know about activated char coal but if it was true that I could of died this can't be the only treatment. Also I saw some marks of injections on my body both times so they gave me other stuff for sure (maybe jus NaCl?). I'll also try to find out if I did throw up at all. If I didn't I will try again without antiemetics.
This became one lengthy post lol, I never told anyone about my attempts in such detail. It's a weird feeling.
Also I want to say that I was a bit high while typing this so bare with me for any weird sentences and the like.
Hope this will maybe spark an interesting discussion or help some other travelers out there to cath the right bus!
Storytiime
My first attempt was in january last year. I had ~90mg alprazolam (xanax), 30mg morphin and 250mg dihydrocodeine. The morphin was in a glass thingy for IV and DHC were cough drops, both in liquid form.
I took all of the stuff at once, oral, folded some laundry and tidiedy up a bit and then I blacked out.
My plan was to take a cab to a near by lake and drown myself. As it turned out I actually took a cab and I passed out directly at the shore. I didn't manage to get it. Somebody found me there and called an ambulance. The days following that event are very blurry in my memory but I think somebody told me that I had died if I didn't have treatment.
The next time I only had 250mg DHC (again the cough drops) which I boofed to make it more potent but 260mg lorazepam (ativan, but keep in mind alpraloxam is twice as strong). I didn't want my room mates to find my corpse and I just ran away from a ward so I knew police will likely search for me soon (which they did) so I put on some sunn glasses and layed on a bench in a tiny park near my home. I backed out. Again somebody noticed me and called an ambulance.
This time I was sure that it just wasn't enough to ctb but in one wars round my psychiatrist said it was a very serious attempt and when I asked her why she thought so she replied that I would of killed myself if noone would of saved me.
What did I learn from all this?
First of all I learned that (at least in my experience) ODing with benzos and opioids are a really great way to go in terms of pain. I felt absolutely no pain and I backed out between ~15 minutes (second time) and ~45 minutes (first time) without having any uncomfortable feelings whatsoever.
Sencondly I learned that you don't just drop dead after you black out lol
You can't remember after but with an benzo black out you actually still move around and even talk to people (I read up on it and benzos don't sedate the parts of your brain that control motoric stuff). This means that you can't trust yourself to keep your ass at one spot.
I also learned that (if my psychiatrists said the truth and I really would of died) the synergic effect of benzos and opioids are huge. At least for me they seem to be.
What is my next attempt going to look like?
For my next attempt I still have to figure some things out. The things I am sure about are that I'll take 2400mg DHC and 26mg lorazepam. The DHC is in pill form this time. I plan to make it boofable. I either will crush them and mix with water (I actually tried this an hour ago with 80 mg, didn't gel up and I definitely feel an effect so they are not tamper proof yay) or I will try to dissolve it in coke. This should make any extended release instand release but I can't figure out if my pills even are ER or if they are IR already.
Additionally to that I will most likely take 7250mg pregabalin and maybe some combination of bisoprolol, aripiprazol, quetiapine and escialoprame. I don't have any antiemetics so I will have to make some more in depth research to find out what combination is best. I don't want to make an overkill and end up throwing it all up.
As for my setting this time I will lock myself in my room. I live together with 3 other people but on the seldom occasions we do want to talk we always knock before entering and if one doesn't answer we just leave them. Another option would be the cellar but Idk how many people go down there, I'll probably opt for my room.
And lastly I will need to find out if my psychiatrists said the truth. I will try to find out what treatment I receivend when I blacked out. I only know about activated char coal but if it was true that I could of died this can't be the only treatment. Also I saw some marks of injections on my body both times so they gave me other stuff for sure (maybe jus NaCl?). I'll also try to find out if I did throw up at all. If I didn't I will try again without antiemetics.
This became one lengthy post lol, I never told anyone about my attempts in such detail. It's a weird feeling.
Also I want to say that I was a bit high while typing this so bare with me for any weird sentences and the like.
Hope this will maybe spark an interesting discussion or help some other travelers out there to cath the right bus!
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