How much more can I take?

[Retched]

I've been suicidal for a long time. In the mail today I got a letter with my married name on it (I screwed up the marriage) and a check from my dead uncle's estate.....He ctb a while ago. I don't care about the money, it's not much...

I got a letter from my former employer (a really good one from a job I messed up too, thanks to psych meds) with a certificate that I won included in it (from a few years ago) and I am flooded with memories and I can't take it anymore. It's like the universe was saying "ha ha" to me today. As if I didn't have memories going through my head about everything already thanks to the holidays, which yesterday sucked.

I am in a job now that is fuck all not me and it is hard and I'm chained to a desk.

On top of it a potential partner couldn't make it to me, even though I tried to move mountains to make it happen.

And I have no quick way out and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to ctb. I don't want to be anymore. Why is the universe so cruel? All at once. I have my past mistakes and lost love ones staring at me in the face. I can't take it. I don't think I can go to the mailbox again.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be this pathetic. I just want to go. This is the only place I feel that I can say it. I was so looking forward to partnership happening this weekend. And now I'm stuck alone again. And I can't ctb in the place I am at, I can't just check into a hotel. and I'm in so much pain.

 

[Fucking loving it]

Sending you love ♡ Sorry for all your pain. I get the feeling that the universe is constantly laughing at me too. Hugs

 

[Retched]

Sending you love ♡ Sorry for all your pain. I get the feeling that the universe is constantly laughing at me too. Hugs

Thanks luv. I am feeling like such a huge failure.

 

[Empty Smile]

{{{{{{{ BIG ASS HUGS }}}}}}}

Don't be apologizing. We are all here for one reason or another. Some worse than others.

My T-Day wasn't any good. I chose to spend it alone, at home, and with alcohol. And since yesterday afternoon, I've been sliding downhill again.

You know I'm here if you want to message me.

 

[Retched]

{{{{{{{ BIG ASS HUGS }}}}}}}

Don't be apologizing. We are all here for one reason or another. Some worse than others.

My T-Day wasn't any good. I chose to spend it alone, at home, and with alcohol. And since yesterday afternoon, I've been sliding downhill again.

You know I'm here if you want to message me.

Thank you for the hugs. I'm sorry to hear you're sliding downhill. Man, I know the feeling.

 

[OkTotti]

I'm really having a tough day too. I have done nothing today except feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I've slept for over 12 hours i think and I have not eaten today yet. All i wish is that I don't wake up when falling asleep

 

[Empty Smile]

Thank you for the hugs. I'm sorry to hear you're sliding downhill. Man, I know the feeling.

Yea, it sucks. But it's us, these feelings become normal for us. Life sucks and I don't want to be a part of it anymore.

 

[Retched]

I'm really having a tough day too. I have done nothing today except feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I've slept for over 12 hours i think and I have not eaten today yet. All i wish is that I don't wake up when falling asleep

I'm sorry to hear it. Must be the fucking full moon or something because the universe is just being mean.

 

[Moony21]

Me too I'm soory for your pain :( sending you lots of love!

 

[Retched]

Me too I'm soory for your pain :( sending you lots of love!

Thanks luv.

 

[Kam59]

Sending hugs.....
I lost a partner too .....
You aren't in the UK are you ?

 

[Retched]

Sending hugs.....
I lost a partner too .....
You aren't in the UK are you ?

No, I'm not in the UK. It really bites, huh? Making all the plans and then...

 

[Kam59]

Yes, I didn't phone quickly enough as I wasn't alone and she thought I wasn't serious . She's gone now ..... I could have gone with her
Shame you're not near me , sadly I can't travel due to back issues so big problems finding a partner
You ?

 

[GeorgeEastman]

The cruel universe? That's one of the things that keeps me going. Punishing them.

The thought of them thinking they won makes me stay. They suck. When I die, it's going to be because I want to. Not because they made me.

 

[Lizzie S.]

It's anything but pathetic, if anythings pathetic it's the universe for being able to do literally anything and causing a ton of suffering. I feel the same way as you, the world is cruel.

 

[Retched]

Yes, I didn't phone quickly enough as I wasn't alone and she thought I wasn't serious . She's gone now ..... I could have gone with her
Shame you're not near me , sadly I can't travel due to back issues so big problems finding a partner
You ?

Mine couldn't get to where they needed to be due to travel issues. :( I'm sorry to hear about your partner situation.

 

[Retched]

The cruel universe? That's one of the things that keeps me going. Punishing them.

The thought of them thinking they won makes me stay. They suck. When I die, it's going to be because I want to. Not because they made me.

You're braver than I am. It is not keeping me going at this point. Too much is messed up in my life.

 

[Retched]

It's anything but pathetic, if anythings pathetic it's the universe for being able to do literally anything and causing a ton of suffering. I feel the same way as you, the world is cruel.

Thanks luv & I'm sorry you feel the same way. I feel your pain.

 

[AndyCurious]

I've been suicidal for a long time. In the mail today I got a letter with my married name on it (I screwed up the marriage) and a check from my dead uncle's estate.....He ctb a while ago. I don't care about the money, it's not much...

I got a letter from my former employer (a really good one from a job I messed up too, thanks to psych meds) with a certificate that I won included in it (from a few years ago) and I am flooded with memories and I can't take it anymore. It's like the universe was saying "ha ha" to me today. As if I didn't have memories going through my head about everything already thanks to the holidays, which yesterday sucked.

I am in a job now that is fuck all not me and it is hard and I'm chained to a desk.

On top of it a potential partner couldn't make it to me, even though I tried to move mountains to make it happen.

And I have no quick way out and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to ctb. I don't want to be anymore. Why is the universe so cruel? All at once. I have my past mistakes and lost love ones staring at me in the face. I can't take it. I don't think I can go to the mailbox again.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be this pathetic. I just want to go. This is the only place I feel that I can say it. I was so looking forward to partnership happening this weekend. And now I'm stuck alone again. And I can't ctb in the place I am at, I can't just check into a hotel. and I'm in so much pain.

I am so sorry to hear this, It's like I can feel the pain you have.. Why is the universe so cruel? Good question.. Don't be sorry for being you, you are so not pathetic.. Caring hugs to you..

 

[Retched]

I am so sorry to hear this, It's like I can feel the pain you have.. Why is the universe so cruel? Good question.. Don't be sorry for being you, you are so not pathetic.. Caring hugs to you..

Thank you luv.

 

[AndyCurious]

Thank you luv.

You are more than welcome :)