NSFW How much is an unwanted boner a problem when I meet the girl I like?

[noname223]

Some days ago I met a woman at my self-help group. The last time in December I had the feeling she might like me. However I became paranoid as so often with women and took a break of the self-help group. I assumed she would have forgotten me I was very convinced in that. On Monday she asked me whether she could sit next to me, thanked me for coming back to the group and said to me please if anything triggers you please tell it to me. It was like my paranoid dreams became true. I always hoped to find such a woman. I was pretty overwhelmed emotionally and I developed a boner for quite a while. I am rather an introverted and calm guy. I tried to play it cool. With my outfit I was unable to hide it. I am pretty sure she noticed it. I think she felt complimented some of her past statements sounded like doubts I might not consider her to be attractive enough.(I think she considers me good looking.) The awkward thing was I could not stop it. She mentioned she is not sure whether a traumatic event happened in her past and it sounded like a sexual assault. Then I panicked and the boner got less.
We had a pretty good chemistry though. I made her laugh. Since this happened I tend to become manic. I struggle a lot to sleep. But in the holidays it is not as dangerous.

So men and women from SaSu what do you recommend to me? How bad was my action? She did not sounded offended at all. But I am very anxious it could repeat itself. Especially the thought this must not happen led to the outcome. I came up with one good strategy I change my outfit. I will wear a very long jacket with which I will be able to hide it just in case. My other strategy is the thinking about something sad or that it might make her uncomfortable. It should not repeat itself.

Could some women might answer how bad my behavior actually was? I did not do sex jokes or anything like that.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Not a problem for me thanks to my smol PP.

She probably didn't notice the boner and your behavior didn't seem bad at all. I think it's natural to be quite nervous in this situation but it seems like you handled it well enough if the worst thing about it was just that you had a natural reaction. Talking to her more might lessen this issue in the future anyway especially if you get into heavier, more personal stuff. If you're still worried it might happen again, you have the right idea in trying to find clothes that can help cover it up more.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't think having a boner counts as behaviour. If she's a friend and notices she'll probably laugh it off even if she's shocked. If she likes you, she might feel flattered, but I'm thinking in terms of already being in a relationship tbh. Just don't act on the boner and I think you'll be ok. She might not have noticed anyway.

Since it might happen again, I suggest covering it might be the best course of action to prevent unintended consequences or criticism. She will notice if you hug or something, that's just how it is. So I would be careful there. It shouldn't be a problem if you were actually dating and it happened, she'd probably feel flattered. Since you're not dating and this is just hopes I'd err on the side of caution.

Please bear in mind that just because she sat next to you, thanked you, laughed etc, these aren't guaranteed indications that she's looking for a relationship or similar. People come over to sit next to me all the time. She could be just friendly and/or lonely. So I would play things safe, personally.

 

[SexyIncél]

I was pretty overwhelmed emotionally and I developed a boner for quite a while. I am rather an introverted and calm guy. I tried to play it cool. With my outfit I was unable to hide it. I am pretty sure she noticed it. I think she felt complimented some of her past statements sounded like doubts I might not consider her to be attractive enough.(I think she considers me good looking.) The awkward thing was I could not stop it. She mentioned she is not sure whether a traumatic event happened in her past and it sounded like a sexual assault. Then I panicked and the boner got less.

Women frequently show off boobs. And men's fashion is cultural — in the past men wore codpieces to draw attention to their genitals: "The fly (which is invisible) is a bourgeois innovation, much unlike earlier aristocratic styles, such as the European codpiece, that often drew explicit attention to the genital region."

Courteous-while-erect may signal that you're safe, as you apparently don't think just with your awakened dick. Erections happen for all sorts of reasons, like excitement

Victims of sexual assault differ, just like everyone else. For all you know, she may worry that it brands her, making her unattractive

 

[Adûnâi]

A chastity cage (also a waistband strap). No joke. I'm not being creepy, it's just legit a cool device that's supposed to hide boners. I wish I had had it in my youth.

Of course, would be awkward in case it came down to unironic sex, but whatever.

As regards your encounter - don't dwell on it, a woman will hate or like you no matter boners. The Great Incel Theory of Everything would say that your chin bones are paramount, and height, and the rest tertiary.

 

[MiMif]

I mean I honestly doubt she noticed...that's just me though maybe she did. I don't think it's awful or anything. If a guy did that in front of me and I noticed I would probs just pretend I didn't see out of courtesy it's not that deep. That's just me though.

But I'm not sure if I would get flattered if a guy I liked has a boner in front of me...my mind wouldn't really go there.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I actually think it's a selling point. Well, it is if you're me. Obviously not everyone is as hot and bonerific as myself.

But no, seriously, there's a chance she was creeped out. Or else she internally laughed it off. It really depends on her level of comfort regarding sexuality and how she views you. That's a tough thing to call, and we probably can't ascertain that for you. Either way it's likely old news by now, so don't sweat it.

 

[PrincessMeow]

OP, I'm replying this late, but as a woman myself I tell you to not fret over an awkward boner. It's ok, us women don't have our nips under our control either. Most of us wouldn't notice and if we did, we don't care that much. Relax, congrats on making a nice lady friend, she sounds lovely :)

 

[Bianka]

It's not in your control and everyone knows it. It's natural don't worry. All bodies are weird and uncomfortable a lot of the times but that's just how we are

 

[sserafim]

Idk cuz I don't interact with and haven't interacted much with men (the last time I went to school with guys was in high school), so I couldn't even tell if a guy had a boner or not

 

[R_N]

Courteous-while-erect

I dunno why exactly but I nearly spilled my tea reading this.

 

[Linda]

Mae West said it best. Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Most girls won't care at all. And it's better than the opposite situation that can arise when a man has had a bit too much to drink (or is anxious). We used to call it "brewer's droop".

 

[Temporal_Anchorite]

Courteous-while-erect

Brb, gonna make this the name of my new hardcore punk band